Nine Days Before The Election, An Undecided Voter Stops By The Local Starbucks

Welcome to Starbucks, can I help you?

 

 

Yes, my name is Jim. Jim the...uhhh...candlestick maker.

 

 

OK.

 

 

Yes, that's my name - Jim the candlestick maker. Small businessman, registered independent, and undecided voter.

 

 

That's very interesting - can I get you something?

 

 

Certainly, but first, by way of casual conversation, just let me say that I believe my taxes will be much lower under an Obama administration than they would if John McCain were elected.

 

 

Well, you're entitled to your opinion.

 

 

That's why I'll be voting for Obama.

 

 

I thought you were undecided.

 

 

Well, I just decided.

 

 

Good for you - now what can I....

 

 

I also believe that, should Obama be elected, a disaster of unprecedented magnitude will befall this country.

 

 

Really?

 

 

Absolutely. If Obama wins, then within six months, businesses all across the country will fail, families will be destroyed, heads will explode, eyeballs will bleed, and groins will be hit with whiffle bats.

 

 

I'm sorry, did you say 'groins will be hit with whiffle bats'?

 

 

Ever been hit in the groin with a whiffle bat?

 

 

No, I haven't.

 

 

Take my word for it - it hurts like hell. Anyway, that's another reason I'll be voting for Obama.

 

 

You're voting for Obama because a terrible catastrophe will happen if he's elected?

 

 

Well, at least it'll be a change from the last eight years.

 

 

No offense, but that doesn't really make sense.

 

 

Maybe I was just employing a bit of rhetorical flourish.

 

 

That sounded pretty specific to me.

 

 

You big corporate executives are just so isolated that you don't understand how us regular Americans think.

 

 

I'm not an executive, I just work at this franchise.

 

 

What's a franchise?

 

 

Well, this is just one of the Starbucks locations around the...

 

 

You mean there's more than one of these places?

 

 

Yeah, there are...

 

 

Holy crap, I can see at least five people here, how big do you need to be???

 

 

There are actually eight full-time employees at this location.

 

 

Talk about your Wall Street greed! Well, this unchecked thirst for profits at the expense of the folks on Main Street will come to end end when Barack Obama is president!

 

 

Whatever - look I really need to take your order.

 

 

OK, just give me a regular cup of coffee, the way they make it in Scranton.

 

 

I don't know how they make coffee in...

 

 

Racist!

 

 

Scranton's in eastern Pennsylvania, you moron!

 

 

Who is that? And why is he calling you a racist?

 

 

Just ignore him.

 

 

But be sure to vote for him.

 

 

Sorry, I already voted.

 

 

Well, there's no law that says you can't vote more than once.

 

 

Actually, there is.

 

 

I think you're mistaken.

 

 

No, it's definitely against the law to vote more than once.

 

 

Well, Barack Obama will put an end to that outdated law.

 

 

I'm sure he will - here's your coffee, that'll be $2.79.

 

 

Two dollars and seventy-nine cents?? Whatever happened to the five-cent cup of coffee?

 

 

Coffee hasn't been five cents a cup for like thirty years, now if you don't mind...

 

 

Well, when Barack...

 

 

I know, I know - when Barack Obama is president coffee will be five cents again! Look, just take the coffee, it's on the house.

 

 

Thanks. And remember, vote McCain/Palin!

 

 

Don't you mean Obama/Biden?

 

 

Whatever.

 

 

Hey boss?

 

 

Yeah?

 

 

I've got nine vacation days coming, can I take them now?

 

 

Sure, go ahead.

 

 

I think I'll just hibernate.

Comments

[iamfelix]

LOL! Nice to see you and Mrs. R. posting -- I knew there was a reason I kept checking back. :-)

[rick]

Hey, thank you very much for the laughs.

Great post!

[redmirabai]

Clever---Thanks.

[Chris in Toronto]

LOVE it!

That is a great technique. I'm gonna steal — er, redistribute — it; y'know, spread it around!

Well done!