WuzzaDem

General Glenn Greenwald Supports The Troops Where It Really Counts

OK, first I'd like to thank you for joining me this morning, and let me say that as your colonel...

 

 

Actually, you're a general...sir.

 

 

Whatever. I'm not as concerned with formalities as I am with getting this illegal occupation on the right track.

 

 

Excuse me, sir, but don't you mean this war?

 

 

Hey, you say tomato, yada yada yada. Any-hoo, let's talk about supplies.

 

 

Well, sir, if you'll look at your handout you'll see that we're efficiently replenishing ammo, armor, vehicles...

 

 

What about croutons?

 

 

Croutons??

 

 

Croutons! You know, for salad. I love the smell of croutons in the morning.

 

 

I'm, uh, I'm not sure we have any croutons coming in any time soon.

 

 

Then what the hell are we putting on our salads?

 

 

Well, I, uh...

 

 

Never mind, I guess we can get by with chow mein noodles for now, but let's get some croutons here, stat!

 

 

Right. Um, as I was saying, our supply lines are...

 

 

How are we doing on Cool Whip?

 

 

Did you say Cool Whip?

 

 

I don't know if you've noticed, but it's kind of hot outside, and there's nothing like a little Berry Bliss Cake to take the edge off the heat.

 

 

Berry...Bliss Cake?

 

 

I know, I know, it sounds complicated, but it's really easy to make - you just take three-quarters of a cup of cold milk, mix it with your favorite flavor of...

 

 

Sir, I'm not sure that discussing dessert recipes is the best use of our time right now.

 

 

I get you - a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips, eh?.

 

 

That's not what I meant - it's just that our dessert choices may be limited for a few weeks.

 

 

Desserts? Limited?

 

 

Yes sir.

 

 

Wow. War really is hell, isn't it?

Need explanation? Try Uninformed Comment.

 

Dear Asswipes at Fox

Just a quick note to say...what the hell is wrong with you???

I TiVo'd the American Idol finale last night.

Is that sinking in?? I'll say it again: I TIVO'd the finale.

YOU WENT OVER!!! I MISSED END OF THE FREAKING SHOW!

And you didn't just go over by a few seconds, it had to be at least 5-10 minutes over, because you hadn't even gotten to the fifteen-minute-drumroll-fabricated-drama part of the show.

Again, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???

Did you really need to go over? Why? So Bette Midler could perform?? Who gives a rat's ass about Bette Midler??

You people are f&#*ing morons.

That's it - you're dead to me.

UPDATE: Althouse is pissed, too.

 

Why So Stuck-Up, Googlers?

Cranky Neocon linked to Google's Image Labeler, which is pretty cool. Here's how Google describes it:

Over a two-minute period, you and your partner will be shown the same set of images and asked to provide as many labels as possible to describe each image you see.

The goal of course is to improve image tags and search results, so I thought I'd try it out. It was OK, but the people they paired me with were really thin-skinned and, I don't know - distant. In fact, of the ten people I was paired with, not one would even answer me when I tried to engage in casual conversation.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh well, I give up.

 

Ron Paul's Supporters React To The News Of Ward Churchill's Suspension

Ward Churchill: The Real Deal

"Good for him! OK, so maybe the 'little Eichmanns' thing was a tad harsh, but his 'blowback' comment? Spot on."

 

After Standing Up For The Constitution, Ron Paul (AKA "The Real Deal") Gets His Eyes Checked

UPDATE: This doesn't look good for Ron Ward Paul Churchill.

 

Why I'd Never Vote For Ron Paul

This guy, who is attempting to flash his nuts over the InterTubes, says Ron Paul is his favorite politician:

Disgusting.

Sorry, but I can't roll with the nut-flashers. Oh, and Paul thinks 9/11 was our fault. Talk about nuts.

UPDATE:Overlooked: Ron Paul links 9-11 attacks to Iraq:

"Have you ever read about the reason they attacked us? They attacked us because we've been over there...We've been bombing Iraq for 10 years. I'm suggesting that we listen to the people who attacked us."

Rep. Paul is implying, of course, that we should have just let Saddam invade Kuwait. That wouldn't have presented any subsequent problems in the region. Not at all.

 

Talk About Sloppy Journalism

Take a look at the screen cap I just grabbed from this story in today's Wall Street Journal Online.

 

Now, I know journalism is fast-paced, I understand everyone is under deadline, that's it's very competitive, but doesn't anyone even proofread any more?

I've been in the same house for nearly ten years now, and they just built the Wal-Mart no more than five or six years ago. OK, let's say my memory is off by a couple of years, and maybe it's been there eight years. Then they're only off by twenty years.

I realize this was probably an innocent mistake, but there's really no excuse for it. Shame on you, WSJ Online.

UPDATE: According to some rather rude readers' e-mails, there's more than one Wal-Mart (how was I supposed to know that?), so I guess the story might be correct after all. Sorry, but it's not like I have a lot of time to write these posts, you know. You nitpickers need to get a life.

 

Today's Beverage Commentary

Diet Coke: It might not taste good, but you have to admit, it doesn't tastes very good.

UPDATE: In the comments, AnonymousDrivel is (understandably) in awe of my knack for marketing. I don't like to toot my own horn, but it's something that just comes to me naturally.

But - If those suits at Coca-Cola think that I'm going to sell out (for less than six figures), they've got another thing (I'm negotiable) coming, because I have my (seriously, make an offer) integrity to think of, and at the end of the (I'm willing to discuss some kind of performance-based bonus structure) day, all a man has is his (stock options would work, too) integrity. Without (sorry about the "suits" crack, by the way) it, he's (I'm sure they're very nice suits) nothing. I'm not about the (hey, that gives me an idea - what if you paid me in suits? I know, I know, it sounds crazy, but you guys probably go clothes shopping every few week, right? Just have the people at C&R Clothier, or wherever you shop, throw in an extra 40 regular and we're good) big paycheck, but at least I can sleep at (call me, seriously) night.

George Tenet Down Through History (Part I)

"I wonder if this has anything to do with that hydrogen."

UPDATE: You know, someone could make a living selling fire extinguishers here.

 

Barack Obama Sticks To The Facts At The Local Starbucks

Welcome to Starbucks, what can I get for you?

 

 

I'm finally here - I made it, people!

 

 

Uh, why are you talking into a microphone?

 

 

You know, I've been waiting a long, long time to get to this counter, but I'm not discouraged!

 

 

Who are you talking to?

 

 

I don't know how many of you know this, but I've been in this line for thirty-six hours now. Thirty-six hours!

 

 

No you haven't! I saw you walk in five minutes ago.

 

 

You know, there are some people out there who want to get bogged down in meaningless details. They want to count how many minutes someone's been in a line - as if that means anything!

 

 

Hey, you brought it up, I was just...

 

 

But we're not going to let them define the debate, my friends.

 

 

What debate?

 

 

No, we're not, because when you take $474.00 out of your hard-earned pay for a Caramel Macchiato, you have a right to expect...

 

 

That's not what we charge for a Caramel...

 

 

You have a right to expect that you won't get a cup of flavored coffee so hot that it literally burns a path straight to the core of the Earth.

 

 

Now you're being ridiculous!

 

 

All right, maybe I got that wrong. You know, there are going to be times when I get tired. There are going to be times when I get weary. There are going to be times when I make mistakes.

 

 

All right, I guess that's understandable.

 

 

Especially at times like this, when I've been up for fifty-three days straight.

 

 

That's it! Either order or get out of line.

 

 

OK, give me a grande Caramel Macchiato, and make sure it's not so hot that it burns through the blacktop, like last time.

 

 

You know that never happened.

 

 

Maybe it did, maybe it didn't - I can't tell you what happened after it burned through the floorboard of my car.

 

 

Never happened.

 

 

...

 

 

...

 

 

OK, I was holding it between my legs and kinda burned my nuts.

 

 

I'll give you an extra cup. That'll be $4.95, please.

 

 

Here's a one-hundred dollar bill, my friend - I want you to keep the change.

 

 

This is a five.

 

 

Good night, everyone!

 

 

...

 

 

That guy's one of the most annoying people in the world. No exaggeration.

Oy.

 

Starbucks: Keepin' It Real

Errrr...

Michelle Incanno was an admitted Starbucks addict...That was until she got an unexpected jolt last week from her coffee cup.

Printed on the cup was: "Why in moments of crisis do we ask God for strength and help? As cognitive beings, why would we ask something that may well be a figment of our imaginations for guidance? Why not search inside ourselves for the power to overcome? After all, we are strong enough to cause most of the catastrophes we need to endure."

 

 

 

"This it total bullsh*t!"

 

 

 

 

"My bad."

 

 

"Now get me another triple venti non-fat latte, bitch."

Thanks to Dan Collins, who snapped the photo of the Zawahirinator on while he was on his last coffee run.

 

And Now, One Of Time Magazine's 100 Most Influential People In The World

 

Not him, you moron! Seriously, this guy's the Commander-in-Chief of the most powerful nation on the planet - you call that influence?

No, here's who I was talking about:

 

Yes. The emaciated actress.

I guess she can...I don't know, maybe she can do one of those "before and after" photo shoots showing what can happen to you if you abuse drugs. And, um...I guess that's why she's...influential? Who knows what those morons who came up with this list were thinking. Maybe they're on the crack.

 

For This, I'd Travel To See John Edwards In Person

Hmmmm...

Shoppers entering a Wal-Mart Supercenter in Alabama got a reminder not to try anything funny: Two shoplifters stood outside with signs reading "I am a thief, I stole from Wal-Mart."

Attalla City Judge Kenneth Robertson Jr. ordered the two people to wear the signs for four hours each during two successive Saturdays.

Hey, maybe that judge would...Nah - it'd never happen.

 

Heh.

John Murtha Is Mad As Hell And He's Not...Wait A Second, What Was He Thinking Again?

You know, they brought this Petraeus back - just a cheap political move.

 

 

He doesn't talk to any of us. He's only interested in talking to the media.

 

 

I don't know if you talk to the guy, but if you do, you tell him I'm plenty pissed off.

 

 

 

Yyyyeaah...I'll be sure to give him the message. You know, if I see him.

 

 

...

 

 

...

 

 

I'm a veteran!

Seriously, d0od - WTF?

Rep. John Murtha (D-Pa.) this week criticized Gen. David Petraeus for not meeting with members of Congress during a recent visit to Washington, D.C., to report on the status of operations in Iraq, but not only did the commander of Multinational Force - Iraq meet with hundreds of lawmakers, he personally briefed Murtha himself.

H/T: Bryan

UPDATE: Maybe it's the (non?)injuries (Thanks to AnonymousDrivel)