General Glenn Greenwald Supports The Troops Where It Really Counts

OK, first I'd like to thank you for joining me this morning, and let me say that as your colonel...

 

 

Actually, you're a general...sir.

 

 

Whatever. I'm not as concerned with formalities as I am with getting this illegal occupation on the right track.

 

 

Excuse me, sir, but don't you mean this war?

 

 

Hey, you say tomato, yada yada yada. Any-hoo, let's talk about supplies.

 

 

Well, sir, if you'll look at your handout you'll see that we're efficiently replenishing ammo, armor, vehicles...

 

 

What about croutons?

 

 

Croutons??

 

 

Croutons! You know, for salad. I love the smell of croutons in the morning.

 

 

I'm, uh, I'm not sure we have any croutons coming in any time soon.

 

 

Then what the hell are we putting on our salads?

 

 

Well, I, uh...

 

 

Never mind, I guess we can get by with chow mein noodles for now, but let's get some croutons here, stat!

 

 

Right. Um, as I was saying, our supply lines are...

 

 

How are we doing on Cool Whip?

 

 

Did you say Cool Whip?

 

 

I don't know if you've noticed, but it's kind of hot outside, and there's nothing like a little Berry Bliss Cake to take the edge off the heat.

 

 

Berry...Bliss Cake?

 

 

I know, I know, it sounds complicated, but it's really easy to make - you just take three-quarters of a cup of cold milk, mix it with your favorite flavor of...

 

 

Sir, I'm not sure that discussing dessert recipes is the best use of our time right now.

 

 

I get you - a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips, eh?.

 

 

That's not what I meant - it's just that our dessert choices may be limited for a few weeks.

 

 

Desserts? Limited?

 

 

Yes sir.

 

 

Wow. War really is hell, isn't it?

Need explanation? Try Uninformed Comment.

 

Comments

[Dan Collins]

Out there in the wastes, my buddies and I counted down the days till our discharge, talking about what we were going to do when we got home: the girls, the beer, the croutons.

[km]

You know it's just this kind of thing that kicks the Islamic Extremists' Rage-Ometer up to Condition Red-Murderous Rage.

You really ought to just cool it on the Berry Bliss Cake.

[AnonymousDrivel]

You think that's bad? I was at Wal-Mart ready to get my weekly ration of breaded chicken nuggets and, get this, they were out! Completely out! I was in a panic.

A clerk saw my dilemma and directed me to a store memo meant to notify the customers that breaded nuggets were to be replaced with baked nuggets for a while, and that the replacement product hadn't yet arrived. I doubted the veracity of his claim right away because the masthead had a profile of "Count Chocula" in the corner. I'm pretty sure that's not right. So, now, I don't know what to believe.

But just think, this is in peacetime on American soil! The armed forces cannot even ensure that I get my weekly ration of breaded chicken nuggets. The planet is going to hell in a hand basket. Damn jihadis. If only those troops were home, I'd have a better chance of having domestic supply lines optimized and a full belly.

[T1]

What about Popsicles!

You can't win a war in the desert with out Popsicles. Even a 6 year old child to tell you that!

Get me a 6 year old child… and impeach President Bush and VP Rumsfeld!

/Glenn Greenwald out.