And Now, To Answer Reader Mail While Intoxicated

Dear John,

Oh God! I knew this was going to happen! It's my fault, it's all my fault. I should have listened, should have been a better partner, should have asked what she wanted from life...

Wait a second, I'm happily married, why would someone send me a...Oh, that's right, that's my name. What a relief.

I enjoy reading your blog.

Holy crap, I have a blog?? I should probably update that thing. Let's see, I'll need to find my user name and password - actually, I'd better figure out the URL first...Oh, wait, I guess I'm updating it now. I'll just cross that off the old to-do list.

I read a lot of blogs

So what? Am I supposed to be impressed? Seriously, I get e-mail from a lot of asswipes, but you're the first person who's ever written to me just to brag about how many blogs they read. Here's a newsflash, dickhead - there are a lot of people who "read a lot of blogs" and they're not writing to people to brag about it.

Why would you even tell me that?

I'm only telling you that because I want you to know that your blog is my favorite.

Oh. I see. Well, um...thanks. Sorry about that stuff I said about...well, you know.

I thought maybe you'd like to check out my blog

Well, if you want me to read your blog a link would help. I'm not psychic, you know.

Here's the link

That's more like it.

I've already blogrolled WuzzaDem, and if you like my blog I'd appreciate a reciprocal link.

You know, I get really tired of people asking to be linked when they haven't put me on their blogroll.

Like I said, I've already blogrolled you

Oh, right - you did say that.

so a link would be appreciated

Are you still harping on this link thing? Drop it already, man! You sound like a broken record.

Anyway, don't mean to harp on the link request, I realize I must sound like a broken record.

Well, I wasn't going to say anything, but now that you mention it...

Again, I love WuzzaDem. Take care.

I'm going to make a note to check out this WuzzaDem. And answer my mail more often.

UPDATE: Just remembered I don't drink. I guess I'm just really tired.

 

Comments

[Jeff H]

"Just remembered I don't drink. I guess I'm just really tired."

Sounds like denial to me...

[Brian the sailor]

I don't trust people who don't drink. Sorry.

[lauraw]

I can't respect or love a man who doesn't huff spray paint. Sorry.

[greg]

Dude...

You finally got around to reading my letter.

(sniff)

I think I'm gonna cry.

[U. of Louisville Cheerleader]

How about checking out my pooter blog?

[Yolo Cowboy]

Ah, fan mail. I seem to receive more hate mail than fan mail. But I always offer my readers a money back return if they are not satisfied. Strangely enough, I have yet to give a single refund.

PS. I don't want you checking out my pooter, what ever that is.

[John from WuzzaDem]

I can't respect or love a man who doesn't huff spray paint.

Who said anything about not huffing spray paint?

[Tim]

Ohhh... SPRAY paint! No wonder all I got was a blue nose and a mild headache.

[mesablue]

Hey, I blogrolled you about three weeks ago. Where's my damn link!*

*Sending while intoxicated.

Here's a pretty snowman -- Snowzilla

[Jeff H]

True story: Years ago, when working on an inpatient psych unit that housed (strangely enough) both adults and adolescents, we had a kid admitted who suffered from some obvious brain dysfunction, related to his having huffed Raid. Yes, Raid--the roach-killing spray.

I opined at the time that maybe he's smoked a bad roach and just wanted to kill it.

[mesablue]

Hey thanks,

I guess you liked the snowman?

[muckdog]

"And by the way, I'm an African national with $35 million and I'm willing to give you $10 million if you help me transfer the cash to America. Give me your bank account number. I'll also include some herbal viagra that we grow here. And if you forward this note to your friends, Bill Gates will give you a million."

[Gina Cobb]

I blogrolled you eight years ago!

Which is surprising since I've only had a blog for a year or so.

But it's the thought that counts.

But seriously, I've linked to you like a million times . . . .

. . . so

. . . if you're adding to your blogroll anyway . . .

not that I'm asking or anything.

I'll just leave now.

hio