The following is a summary of results of a study of individuals affiliated with the National Institute of Truthers, conducted by Wuzzadem Inquiry into Truthers. NIT's British counterpart, Global Institute of Truth Seekers (GITS), initially agreed to participate in the NIT/WIT study, but declined at the last moment, citing their belief that the study was being carried out by "wankers".
Despite overwhelming evidence that the murder of 3,000 people on September 11, 2001 was committed by a small group of religious extremists acting under the direction of one Osama bin Laden, a small but vocal group of un-or-under-informed individuals who refer to themselves as the "9/11 Truth Movement", or "Truthers", collectively, continue to advance the theory that the United States Government, acting in cooperation with (the Jews/Neocons/space aliens/whatever) was complicit in this attack.
The purpose of this study is observe the reactions of a typical "truther" during prolonged periods of exposure to facts (a.k.a. truth) and compare the results to baseline data on subjects known to be free of any neurocognitive impairment.
Subject #22
Age: 25
Race: Caucasian
Physical health: Good
Place of residence: Mother's basement
Occupation: Technically unemployed, considers his real job to be "Getting the truth out to the sheeple."
Initial interview began without incident, but subject became increasingly agitated and distracted, expressing concern that one "Dylan" might not approve of his cooperation. Threatened to terminate the interview at one point because, as he put it, "You people won't even admit that the attack on Pearl Harbor was a government conspiracy." Subject's level of tension decreased significantly when staff members promised to watch a DVD titled "Loose Change", which he produced from a duffel bag that appeared to contain hundreds of copies of same.
As the interview progressed, subject began to manifest symptoms of schizophrenia, including delusional thoughts, acute paranoia, and visual hallucinations. Symptoms of intellectual dyslexia were also apparent throughout.
Subject was given the opportunity to answer questions typically asked of members of the “truth movement”, however, he consistently answered questions with yet more questions and/or non sequiturs.
Examples:
Q: “If the government was responsible for the destruction of the WTC towers, why wouldn’t they have just blown the buildings up, rather than going to all the trouble of highjacking four jets?
A: How do you explain the thermite?
Q: You do know that thermite doesn’t actually explode, don’t you?
A: What about the pod on the so-called “jet” that hit the south tower?
Q: Why do you insist there was no plane wreckage found at the Pentagon when you know that’s not true?
A: According to who - PNAC?
Q: Have you even bothered to read all of the testimony from civilian eyewitnesses, seen the pictures taken at the site, listened to interviews of rescue workers, or studied the 9/11 Commission report?
A: What about the thermite?
Subject was initially thought to be unwilling to demonstrate ability to analyze information in order to reach a conclusion, however testing revealed that, while his skull is of average size, the volume of his brain is only 400 cm, or one-quarter that of a normal human male of his age and size (see Figure 1). This is most likely due to atrophy, and such an impairment would render him incapable of even basic analytical capabilities.
Figure 1: In terms of both anatomy and reaction to stimuli, the subject's brain is remarkably similar to that of Synaptomys borealis.
Subject was repeatedly exposed to visual materials gathered from web sites, books and DVDs touted by basement-dwelling losers as "proof" that (the Jews/Neocons/space aliens/whatever) are behind "it".
Figure 2: Viewing of 9/11 “conspiracy” material elicited autonomic and endocrine responses comparable to those experienced by 13-year-old boys while viewing Bay Watch.
Next, subject was exposed to audio and visual material containing facts that directly refute each and every aspect of said conspiracy theories, at which point he began to emit a loud "whining" noise and expressed a desire to leave, saying that his "mom would be really pissed if he was late for dinner."
Figure 3: EEG indicates complete cessation of activity in somatosensory areas.
Subject was subdued and agreed to continue, but fled immediately without explanation when presented with
next image.
Figure 4: At this point, subject lost control of his bladder, called observers "A bunch of dickwads", abruptly removed sensors and ran from the building.
Testing of another forty-four truthers was subsequently conducted. Results were nearly identical, so further testing is not indicated.
Conclusion: Based on the data collected in this study, and available on hundreds of web sites, we can state conclusively that "truthers", contrary to their name, can't handle the truth. Or maybe they just haven't figured out how to use Google.
UPDATE: He's blinding me with science!
Trouble in paradise? Say it ain't so!
UPDATE II:
Step 1: Doofus
Step 2: pwnage!
UPDATE II: Heh.
