WuzzaDem

Hey Honey, Remember When That Guy Mooned the Priest While He Was Downing Flaming Shots?

Focus group enjoying a screening of NBC's The Real Wedding Crashers.

Holy crap:

NBC announced its new show, "The Real Wedding Crashers," inspired by the movie. Ashton Kutcher will serve as one of the show's executive producers.

The show will feature hidden cameras that will record improvisational actors who go undercover at real weddings to bring an added element of surprise to the traditional proceedings.

"Everyone loved 'Wedding Crashers' and we wanted to see if we could capture that same kind of inspired frivolity in a real-life series," Craig Plestis, Senior Vice President of Alternative Programs and Development at NBC, said. "Working with Ashton and knowing his memorable experiences with the jokes he pulled off on 'Punk'd' made it that much more enticing. This series has a big upside potential for hidden-camera humor."

I think I speak for fathers-in-law everywhere when I say...actually, I'm not a father-in-law, so I guess I don't speak for them. Wait a second, that's BS - it's not like you need some kind of advanced degree to be a father-in-law, right? I mean, what are the requirements?

Have sex with your wife: Check
Have a kid: Check
Wait for said kid to marry.

OK, so I've completed 2 of 3 - good enough, if you ask me. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, the asswipes at NBC making a Wedding Crashers reality show.

So, I think I speak for fathers-in-law everywhere (or not) when I say, why not combine elements of Wedding Crashers and Jackass? Think about it: Most weddings don't have nearly enough uninvited juvenile, masochistic exhibitionists pulling wacky stunts like wiping their asses with the bride's bouquet or swan-diving into the cake from a twenty-foot ladder. Just sayin'.

But is there really a market for yet another reality show? Maybe:

"There's hasn't been a truly good hidden-camera show on network TV... since (NBC's) 'Spy TV'"...

Oh yeah...Spy TV. Who could forget...what was that show called again? I think it was Spy...whatever.

Well, if nothing else, now I have a reason to link to Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn In 'Funeral Crashers'.

Super-special "Punk'd" update: CNN’s Kyra Phillips makes her bosses look like morons by leaving her mic on while she sits on the can and talks smack about her sister-in-law.

Never Forget...?

Today we're doing "man on the street" interviews, asking people to share their feelings on the upcoming 5th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks.

First stop: A political rally in Berkeley, CA.

Excuse me, sir - I'd like to ask you a couple of questions about the upcoming anniversary of...

Yes! The anniversary of Katrina!

 

Actually, I was talking about...

 

NO. MORE. KATRINAS!
NO. MORE. KATRINAS!

 

 

Heck of a job, Brownie!

 

 

IMPEACH. BROWNIE. NOW!
IMPEACH. BROWNIE. NOW!

 

I was going to ask you about the attacks in 2001...

 

When Bush took office after being selected, not elected, right? That was an attack on the Constitution!

 

 

HEY HEY! HO HO! THE CONSTITUTION'S GOT TO GO!
HEY HEY! HO HO! THE CONSTITUTION'S GOT TO GO!

 

Tell her to stop doing that!

 

You got a problem with free speech?

 

 

FREE. SPEECH. NOW!
FREE. SPEECH. NOW!

 

No, it's just annoying!

 

Well, Jefferson once said, Free speech is sometimes annoying, but you shouldn't go around telling people to stop yelling things at a demonstration.

 

Jefferson never said that!

 

How do you know he didn't? Were you there?

 

 

YOU. WEREN'T. THERE!
YOU. WEREN'T. THERE!

 

Just forget it, I'll talk to someone else.

 

Excuse me, how do you feel about the upcoming anniversary of the attacks on 9/11?

 

What are you, one of those 9/11 whiners?

 

Whiners? What are you talking about? Our country was attacked by Islamic...

 

What about all the things Christians have done in the name of religion?

 

Like what?

 

Like, uh...like the Crusades?

 

 

Yeah, what about the Crusades?

 

 

HEY HEY. WHADYA SAY.
WHAT ABOUT. THE CRUSADES.

 

Stop that!

The Crusades? That happened in the Middle Ages.

 

It's still a shameful chapter in this country's history!

 

This country didn't even exist then.

 

Sure, who cares about people in other countries, right?

 

 

Typical conservative!

 

Don't you feel the least bit silly trying to prove your point by bringing up something that happened hundreds of years ago?

 

What about the Salem witch trials?

 

 

Yeah, that was a witch hunt, just like the Ken Starr investigation.

 

 

Hey, I just thought of another one - what about the Ken Starr investigation?

 

 

That was nothing but a witch hunt!

 

What does that have to do with Christians?

 

So you're saying Ken Starr wasn't a Christian?

 

I'm not saying...look, no one died because of the Ken Starr investigation.

 

What about McCarthyism?

 

That doesn't even make...

 

Mrrmrrphrrmrr!

 

What?

 

MRRMRRPHRRMRR!

 

I can't understand a word you're...

 

MRR. MRR. PHRR. MRR!
MRR. MRR. PHRR. MRR!

 

Stop that!

 

Ann Coulter started all that McCarthyism crap with her book!

 

Ann Coulter didn't have anything to do with the McCarthy hearings, and no one died because of them, besides that has nothing to do with...

 

WHAT DO WE WANT?

 

 

MCCARTHYISM!

 

 

WHEN DO WE WANT IT?

 

 

NOW!

 

All right, that's enough! You people are idiots, I'm not talking to you any more.

 

ONE. TWO. THREE. FOUR.
HE WON'T TALK TO YOU ANY...

 

SHUT UP! I'm out of here!

 

That guy's got issues.

 

 

Mphmmrrmmrrmm.

 

You said it, man.

 

UPDATE: Big Oops. Forgot to thank ZombieTime for the pics used in this post.

 

CBS News Reporter Jay Levine Covers His Ass So That His Head Doesn't Fall Out Of Same

CBS 2 Chicago Chief Correspondent Jay Levine reports on undercover video, obtained by CBS, which shows Narseal Batiste, and others (dubbed the Liverty City Seven) taking, what prosecutors claim, is an oath to the al Qaeda terrorist organization, as well as conversations in which Batiste tells an FBI undercover agent (who Batiste believes to be a representative of al Qaeda) his plans for blowing up buildings.

It was a classic FBI sting, with hidden cameras rolling in a hotel room.

 

 

The key players are the government informant, whose face is obscured, and the alleged ringleader of the terrorist plot, Narseal Batiste.

 

 

FBI Agent (posing as al Qaeda contact):"My job is to determine if it's worth it or not. My job is to say if these people [Batiste] are serious or not."

 

 

Batiste tries to convince him that he and seven other members of his so-called Moorish Science Temple, their mosque housed in a rundown warehouse in Miami, are very serious.

 

 

FBI Agent:"What's the plan?"
Batiste:"To build this army"
FBI Agent:"Army?"
Batiste:"An Islamic army for Islamic jihad."

 

 

Later:
Batiste: "There's 2 major buildins you gotta blow up...

 

 

Batiste: "the Empire State building...

 

 

Batiste: "and the Sears Tower."

 

 

After showing footage of Batiste asking the FBI informant for money for machine guns, staking out a federal courthouse (allegedly a potential target), and of Batiste and six others pledging their allegiance to al Qaeda, Levine wraps up the segment:

Wait a second. You're probably thinking this parody sucks, right? Not the least bit funny. That's because it's not a parody - really, I'll give you the link and you can watch the video. But I was so stunned by Jay Levine's (who we'll now refer to as Asswipe) conclusion at the end of the segment - as well as his yukking it up with another asswipe on the set, that I just had to share.

The emphasis you see will be mine, but I'm pretty sure what he says will jump off the page when you read it.

 

The tapes...will be important evidence at the alleged terrorists' trial...

 

 

But...

 

 

They seem to reinforce the feeling we got back in June when the suspects were arrested...

 

 

...that all that talk, whether we actually heard the words about bombing the Sears Tower and other buildings, seems to have been just that:

 

 

Talk.

What. The. F**k?

What planet does Asswipe live on? IAAL (I ain't a lawyer), but I'm pretty sure conspiracy is just "talk," isn't it? Bastiste and his pals met with someone they thought was a member of al Qaeda, pledged their allegiance to that group (which, you may recall, killed nearly 3,000 American just five years ago), stated their intention to wage Islamic jihad, and told an undercover FBI agent they wanted to blow up the Empire State Building and Sears Tower.

Again: What. The. F**k?

I'm guessing (based on Asswipe's remark about his "feelings" when these suspects were arrested) that he was tut-tutting back then and needs to cover his ass now. So this dickhead is so invested in the innocence of ALLEGED terrorists, he's now in the unenviable position of ridiculing the government's case against Batiste and company.

Come on, people - all they did was TALK about blowing up a couple of buildings!

I guess it's JUST TALK because no one was actually killed.

Believe it or not, Asswipe wasn't done yet. He and Asswipe 2 went on to chuckle at the idea that Batiste's army was made up of only SEVEN PEOPLE.

 

They were talking about an Islamic army, where were they going to get the people to staff this "army?"

 

You know, Asswipe 2 may have a point - how much damage could SEVEN people do? I mean, we know you need at least NINETEEN people if you want to kill 3,000 or so, right? So, these clowns could only kill...wait, let me get my calculator...maybe a thousand and change. Who can blame him for scoffing?

Back to Asswipe:

Yeah, and you notice, those seven people they introduced, they were all the generals. There was no "army."

 

Actually, here's the screencap of Asswipe just as he's saying "generals."

 

 

That's right - quote marks. The idea that SEVEN people could actually cause any real damage is laughable to Asswipe 1 and Asswipe 2.

To be fair, maybe the Asswipe twins feel the government is doing such a good job protecting them that they're a little too comfortable, and underestimate the amount of damage that SEVEN PEOPLE are capable of.

I know, I know - I was kidding. Here, watch the video yourself. Don't say you weren't warned.

 

Just Leave the $75,000 (Or More) On the Dresser

Hey, big spender:

Warner...threw a $75,000 party for the Kos convention-goers at the Stratosphere with an open bar and a lavish display of food. According to several blogs, the day after the party, when Warner gave his keynote speech, the audience reacteed [sic] enthusastically.
...
It should take more than a few free Drinks and a shrimp on a stick in a Las Vega hotel to gain the support of the liberal bloggers

Buy me a t-shirt?

Warner was trying even harder than anyone knew. Recently-released campaign finance reports indicate Warner's political action committee spent nearly $70,000 on the affair, writing a $25,000 check to the Stratosphere on June 2, and another for $44,588.95 on June 9. And that was just the Stratosphere. Warner clearly spent money in other ways — T-shirts and the like — trying to win Kossack favor, so it's not completely clear what his final YearlyKos expenditure was.

UPDATE: Here's a sample of the kind of high-quality shirt seventy-five large and change will buy you:

Exquisite. Thanks to "Anonymous"

 

And Now, a Few Words From Tony Bennett

I tell you, man, I've traveled this country from coast to coast, state to state, north to south and east to west, and one thing's for sure - there's a whole lotta dim bulbs out there.

 

 

I mean, I love the good ol' US of A, but you gotta admit, this country's no France.

 

 

Just look at the food - sure, we got pancakes here, but you know what they got in France?

 

 

Crepes.

 

 

That's right; crepes. See, they're like pancakes, but they're thinner, so you can put stuff in em' - kinda like a yummy, sweet French enchilada, but made with different stuff. You know, so it's not so enchilada-ish.

 

 

What's not to like?

 

 

And, you know, as an artist, I gotta worry about things that John and Jane Q. Citizen never think about.

 

 

Like, for instance, what rhymes with pancakes? Not a whole heck of a lot. Makes it kinda hard to write songs about pancakes.

 

 

Now, crepes, that a whole different story.

 

 

Yeah, that rhymes with grapes.

 

 

Drapes.

 

 

...

 

 

Traipse.

 

 

Mary Mapes.

 

 

...

 

 

Apes.

 

 

Rapes.

 

 

...

 

 

You know, on second thought, I don't think it would be too cool to write a song about rapes. Might not go over too well with the ladies.

 

 

And what about science? We got no science here.

 

 

Oh, sure, we went to the moon, but what did it get us? Rocks, that's what.

 

 

Not too much you can do with rocks. I mean, they're kinda heavy, you know?

 

 

And take it from old Tony B, you put a coupla decent sized rocks in your pockets and walk around for a while, you're gonna ruin a perfectly good pair of Armani slacks.

 

 

Now, those German cats know science. Yeah, they're real professor-types, you know.

 

 

I was in Stuttgart a few weeks ago and I ran into this cat named Klaus - had himself a calculator that was powered by the sun. No lie!

 

 

I don't think you'll be seein' any sun-powered calculators in Peoria any time soon.

 

 

And don't even get me started on art. Look at that Monet cat - he was an impressionist.

 

 

Now, I'm not a hundred percent sure where he was from, but I'm pretty sure it was Europe or Asia or somewhere around there.

 

 

And state-side? We got people sellin' grilled cheese sandwiches with the Virgin Mary's face on 'em over on the E-Bay.

 

 

...

 

 

You know, I could go for a grilled cheese right about now.

 

 

Come to think of it, grilled cheese sandwiches are American.

 

 

Least they are when you use American cheese - I think.

 

 

Hmm. America - home of the grilled cheese. Not too shabby, if you ask me.

 

 

You know, just forget all that stuff I said before. Catch you on the flip-side!

 

 

Fly me to the crepes
Ba da da daaaa da da da drapes.

 

 

Maybe I should write a song about grilled cheese.

 

 

Let's see, that rhymes with fleas, disease, trapeze...

 

Buddhist Monks' Response to Threats of Physical Confrontation: Bring. It. On.

From Smudge:

Protesters calling for an end to recent violence in Sri Lanka found themselves brawling with hardline Buddhist monks Thursday, after a rally dubbed a "peace protest" turned unexpectedly violent.
...
"They were saying we should go to war," said pro-peace monk Madampawe Assagee. "We like to listen to other opinions so we let them do that but then they started fighting and we couldn't control some of our people. They tried to make it a big fight but we settled it in a few minutes."

Man, that Madampawe dude is hard core. Ever watch Kung Fu? Those monks can kick some serious ass. Here's one assembling his nunchucks in preparation for the big rumble in front of the temple this weekend:

You want a piece of this, beyotch?

Hey, I didn't say anything, dude. I mean, sir...er, his holiness...whatever.

UPDATE: The first rule of Buddhism is, you do not talk about Buddhism. Seriously, you could get messed up.

 

George Allen Brings His Special Brand of Charm to the Local Starbucks

Welcome to Starbucks - can I help you?

 

 

Hey, what's up, ass****?

 

 

What did you just call me?

 

 

Take a breath, dickweed - it's a joke.

 

 

Well, it's not funny.

 

 

Oh, come on - I was just commenting on your hairstyle.

 

 

You can't even see my...Never mind - what can I get for you?

 

 

Give me a grande mocha latte, and make it fast - I'm on my way to a rally, and it's being filmed.

 

 

I need a grande mocha latte for...I'm sorry, what's your name?

 

 

*&$#+^@!

 

 

That's not a name!

 

 

It is where I come from. Hey, can you tell ****face over there to take the stick out of her a**, I'm in a hurry.

 

 

Hey!

 

 

Chill out, sugart*ts!

 

 

Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to stop insulting the employees here.

 

 

Hey, I don't know where you're from, but that's how we do business in America, ****head.

 

 

Look, just take your latte and get out of here...sir.

 

 

**** my ****, coffee-boy!

 

 

A diplomat, he's not.

 

 

I Don't Understand This Hollywood Lingo

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

"Aaahhh ha ha ha ha ha!"

"AAAAAAAHHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAA!!"

"Man, you are an asswipe!"

"You're right, I am!"

"No, I'm serious!"

"So am I!"

"No, I mean, you're a MAJOR asswipe!"

"I know, I know!"

"..."

"..."

"Hey, which one of us is saying what?"

"Who cares?"

"AAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!"

 

Mike Wallace Down Through History: The Hitler Interview

"Some criticize his policy decisions, while others feel he lacks flexibility, but as we learned when we sat down with him, there's a lot more to Der Fuhrer than meets the eye. He's short of stature, but shows no signs of self-consciousness, designs his own uniforms and is an accomplished artist. Even his moustache defies convention."

Seriously, WTF? From Drudge ("Developing...")

88-year-old CBS journalist Mike Wallace says Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad a 'reasonable' man on Sean Hannity's ABC radio program... Points out Ahmadinejad not anti-Jewish... just anti-Zionist state.

Right.

Troubled by comparisons of leader to Hitler...

Well, who wouldn't be?

Marvels at Ahmadinejad's civil engineering degree, 'intellect', 'savvy'...

And don't forget, he's a snappy dresser, too. I wonder if he asks Ahmadinnerjacket to "Say something in English."

More here (barf bag alert).

UPDATE: Ian at Hot Air has more.

UPDATE II:

"What a f**king nutjob."

 

Is There an Echo in Here?

"You see that his (President Bush's) approval rating is dropping every day. Hatred vis-à-vis the president is increasing every day around the world."

Who's that talking smack about our president?

John Kerry? Howard Dean? Ned Lamont?

No, it's Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in a recent interview with Mike Wallace, appearing this Sunday on 60 Minutes.

Turns out this popular oppressor of women, free speech, and religious freedom is singing the DNC theme song, or they're singing his...one of the two.

(h/t Drudge)

- posted by Mrs. R.

 

Adnan Hajj's Latest Gig: Editor At Fox News

Welcome back to Fox News, I'm Todd Connor. For the past few days, blogs have been on fire with stories of photos, both staged and altered, coming out of the Israeli/Hezbollah conflict.

 

 

Others, however, are focusing more on popular culture in the region.

 

 

One of those is the popular blog Ace of Spades HQ (pronounced "hock"), a blog that apparently reports and comments on fashion in the Middle East.

 

 

One of the site's bloggers gave us his opinion of this dress, which he says was found in fabulously unscathed condition at a site where a missile struck. Here's what he had to say.

 

 

"I saw this"

 

 

"dress and"

 

 

"wondered how"

 

 

"I would look"

 

 

"if I were to"

 

 

"where?"

 

 

"it myself"

 

 

Upon viewing this interview, Reuters, the wire service that published the photo, issued the following statement:

 

 

It is our sincere hope the cross-dressing, pill-popping blogger who was recently interviewed by Fox News will seek professional help. And get a haircut.

 

 

After the break: More footage of a tank. You're watching Fox News.

If you ask me, this has been heavily edited.

 

Joementum, Baby!

Impartial pollopinionator John Zogby, posting at the non-partisan Huffington Post:

While I will stop short of a precise prediction, let me suggest that polling evidence shows that Senator Joseph Lieberman will lose the Senate primary to businessman Ned Lamont by a substantial margin.

Not so fast, impartial pollopinionator John Zogby:

Connecticut Sen. Joseph Lieberman gained ground on primary challenger Ned Lamont in a poll released on Monday, one day before a closely watched Democratic showdown focused on Lieberman's support for the Iraq war.

Bite me, Zogby!

UPDATE: And for all your impartial primary coverage tomorrow, be sure to watch the giddy Chris Matthews, LIVE from Connecticut.

MORE IMPORTANTLY, don't miss the giddy Ace of Spades on Fox!

 

Adnan Hajj, Reporting From Egypt

It didn't take Hajj very long to bounce back. After being dropped by Reuters for altering a photo, he was quickly picked up by Neuters, and is on the job in Egypt.

A group of men in Cairo share the news of the day over a hookah as
neighborhood boys look on. August 6, 2006. NEUTERS/Adnan Hajj (EGYPT)

I just hope he's learned his lesson.

 

Reuters Phony Photo: Animated (UPDATED)

UPDATE: The original photo has been found, see UPDATE III.

I'm sure most of you have been following the story of the bogus Reuters photo, badly doctored, apparently by the notorious Adnan Hajj.

Check out the animated GIF at Left & Right that shows the obvious cloning of a building in the photo.

Well, frequent commenter AnonymousDrivel, who has been hiding some mad P-Shop skillz, sends along the animated GIF below.

These are the two JPG images from LGF joined as a superimposed panorama. Hajj/Reuters had slightly different magnification (or perspectives) for each shot, so AD superimposed an overlay with the ONLY modification to source being a transparency on the right image finishing with the original JPG, then isolated the cloned area rectangle used for the buildings and did another series of transparencies returning again to source.

Allah, who certainly knows more than me about Photoshop, noticed a few inconsistencies between what LGF has says may be the original photo and Hajj's, and he has a point with regard to the building and unidentified object in the lower right-hand corner, but I think AnonymousDrivel's graphic shows that the smoke trail on the right of the 'original' photo hasn't necessarily been 'shopped out - the modified photo is so distorted that the horizon in the Hajj photo appears to be quite a bit higher than it actually is. And here's a comparison of the brightness and contrast in the two photos (this sample wasn't 'spliced' as AD's graphic was, it's just a slice of each photo for purposes of showing samples of the sky and smoke):

Here's the same side-by-side comparison, with the left side adjusted so that the brightness and contrast more closely matches that of the photo on the right:

You can still see the smoke, but it's dissipated significantly as a result of adjusting the brightness. Would further adjustment obscure it even more? I don't know - I know next to nothing about PhotoShop (in fact, I use another software package, and only utilize the basic functionality), but sure looks like it's a possibility.

UPDATE: Reuters has now admitted the photo was altered and has pulled it.

UPDATE II: Ace has more examples of Reuters photos, including another by Hajj. Geez.

UPDATE III: dorkafork found the original! Again, what kind of person names a child dorkafork?

UPDATE IV: The Jawa Report debunks yet another Hajj photo.

UPDATE V: I'll take Something Isn't Quite Right for $1,000, Alex.

 

WuzzaDem Readers: Flunking Remedial Art Appreciation

To re-cap (ahem):

This:

 

"Dumb"
"Really gay"

This:

 

"Way cool"
"Wicked bitchin'"

Hey, I don't pick my readers, they just hang out here polluting the comments section.

 

UPDATE: There's hope! Reader Chad sends this tasteful piece:

 

 

I've never seen this before, but there's something hauntingly familiar about it. Notice how the eyes seem to follow you around the room.

 

UPDATE II: Another, submitted by dorkafork:

 

 

Exquisite. BTW, what kind of person would name a child dorkafork? That's just wrong.

 

UPDATE III: AnonymousDrivel gets all cubist on us with Stick Figure Guitar. I like it, but I don't think he should be playing that thing while he's walking down those stairs - he could poke someone's eye out.

 

 

And Now, A Word From James Joyner

"...I don’t see a terrorist hiding under every tree."

Good for you, dude!

 

Did something just bite me in the ass?

 

Sorry, that was me. I'm...uh...on my way to church. Yes, that's it - church.

 

No problem - you need a lift?

 

No, thank you. Praise Allah - I mean Jesus.

 

Take it easy!

UPDATE: Oh, those people.