Two Problems, One Solution

Problem #1: Illegal immigration at the U.S./Mexico border.

The solution?

Get rid of the fence.

 

That's right, I said get rid of the fence. Bear with me.

Now the temptation to cross the border is even greater. That's the idea:

 

Next:

A giant treadmill--invisible to the naked eye--is placed underground just south of the border.

 

Now anyone trying to approach the border is basically running in place.

 

Illegal immigrants coming over the Mexican border: No mas!

Now for problem #2: Energy prices.

 

A series of gears is connected to the treadmill.

 

 

Costly and potentially dangerous containment and cooling infrastructure is decommissioned at selected nuclear power plants.

 

 

Turbines are powered directly by the treadmill.

 

What if this doesn't generate enough energy to meet the demands of American consumers, you ask? Not to worry.

 

Increased demand is addressed by having Republican and/or Democratic legislators propose "immigration reform" legislation.

 

 

The promise of greater rewards (and reduced penalties) for entering the country illegally (a direct result of the proposed legislation) causes an increase in activity at the border, which translates into higher energy output levels.

Next time: How to solve the Middle East conflict using an oversized jack-in-the-box and twenty-seven large rubber bands.

 

Comments

[Jeff H]

I can tell you're no engineer. I solved the Middle East conflict with only 23 rubber bands and a Dairy Queen banana split--with no cherry on top!!!

[AnonymousDrivel]

Excellent.

Can we add drains/gutters to collect the sweat and irrigate the desert?

As for the more solid organic waste - perhaps a few shipments to D.C. would be in order. They give enough to us, it's only fair to reciprocate.

[AJ Lynch]

Youse guys must have your GED's- cause I think you are as smart as genies!

[KJ]

I induced my wife's labor with a live rooster, 4 D batteries and a potato peeler, but that feels small compared to solving the illegal immigration problem and the US energy needs at the same time.

[benny bird]

Solve the problem with a mile wide ditch filled with crocidiles

[Jeremy]

Wuzzadem for Prez

[MrsJoseGoldbloom]

Pure Genius! I bet that would generate so much energy that we could sell the excess to Canada and pay off the national deficit.

I'm currently working on a plan to end the middle east crisis...it involves a "my little pony" & a squirt gun!

[Monsoon]

You forgot about the BTUs that could be put to use from the hot air generated by Congressional debate (and even greater thermal energy in the event of a filibuster).

Monsoon