WuzzaDem

No Post Tonight

Busy. Sorry.

UPDATE: I guess, technically speaking, this is a post.

UPDATE II: Now that I think about it, this isn't a post. I mean, it's only two words. No, definitely not a post.

UPDATE III: Wait - should I be counting the words in the updates? Because if the updates count there are a lot more than two words in this post (non-post?).

UPDATE IV: I've given this a lot of thought, and I don't think the updates should count as part of the post.

UPDATE V: Afer talking this over with a few people, I think I should clarify exactly what I meant about the updates not counting as part of the post: If there was an actual post (as opposed to two words apologizing for not posting), and those updates addressed the substance of that post, then the updates would count as part of the post. But that's not the case here.

UPDATE VI: I guess I had more than enough time to write a post, but I wasted it writing this post and all the subsequent updates. Sorry.

UPDATE VII: I guess I should have said writing this not non-post.

UPDATE VIII: Just forget I said anything.

 

Patterico Has The Last Word!

If you haven't yet seen Patterico's masterful takedown of Glenn "Look At Me! I Mean, Er...Look At Him!" Greenwald, then by all means CLICK HERE.

 

Kos: YES! Keith Olber...Oh, Never Mind (UPDATED)

Daily Kos, July 6, 2006:

As we Kossacks are well aware, Keith Olbermann's show Countdown has been increasing steadily in ratings for over a year. He slowly sneaked past Paula Zahn on CNN and now regularly surpasses her ratings. Who can resist his combination of hard hitting headlines combined with snark and silliness?

Guess who Olbermann finally surpassed in the key demographics on Friday?

Bill O'Reilly O'Falafel!
...
So, with that said, a tipster writes: "Call it a fluke, say it means nothing, but for 15 minutes on Friday night, Keith Olbermann beat Bill O'Reilly in the 25-54 demo."
[emphasis added]

Drudge, July 25, 2006:

It was a fluke.

It means nothing.

Your 15 minutes is up, Keith.

Buh-bye.

Who cares about ratings? I'm on MSNBC.

UPDATE - Maybe this is why Olbermann floated to the top for some portion of that fifteen-minute period:

Moveon.org, which reported 3.3 million members as of December 2005, sent out an e-mail to members urging members to watch Countdown with Keith Olbermann and asking that they sign a "pledge" to watch Countdown on specific nights.

Q: How do you know you have a hit TV show on your hands?
A: Fringe political advocacy groups beg people to watch it for at least one night a week.

UPDATE II: InstaPunk brings the funny. Check it out.

 

Glenn Greenwald Comment Repository

It occurred to me that Glenn must be tiring himself out, running from blog to blog (figuratively speaking, of course), leaving comments, trying to keep track of all of his alter egos - so in the spirit of goodwill I've created this comment repository.

So, have at it Glenn (or "Ellison," "Wilson," "Thomas Ellers," "Rick Ellensburg," "Lamb Chop," or whoever). Just leave your comments here, let me know which blog they're intended for and I'll forward them to the appropriate blog proprietor for you.

No need to thank me. Really. Seriously. Stop, you're embarrassing me.

NOTE: Seeing how this is a such a gracious gesture on my part, I trust the other readers (both of them) will show some restraint and refrain from commenting on this post.

Let the healing to begin.

 

He Said/He Said (UPDATED - AGAIN!)

What's up, homesock?

 

 

How's it hangin'?

 

 

Hey, did you hear what Glenn Greenwald...

 

 

Jealous, much?

 

 

It's Glenn Greenwald!

 

 

That's right. I've written a New York Times bestselling book on executive authority, broken a story on my blog about wiretapping that led to front-page stories on most major newspapers in the country, and Russ Feingold read from my blog during the Censure hearings.

 

 

Don't you think it's a little unseemly to be bragging about yourself?

 

 

No. I mean, maybe. I have to go, I have some very important, uh, constitutional-type stuff to do.

 

 

Good DAY, sir.

 

 

Can you believe that guy?

 

 

What a tool. So anyway, me and the Mrs. are thinking about seeing that pirate movie this weekend.

 

 

Yeah, I hear it's pretty good, you know, as pirate movies go.

 

 

How DARE you criticize Glenn Greenwald!

 

 

I wasn't talking about...Oh, brother.

 

 

For your information, Mr. Greenwald has written a New York Times bestselling book on executive authority, broken a story on his blog about wiretapping that led to front-page stories on most major newspapers in the country, and Russ Feingold read from my blog...

 

 

Don't you mean his blog?

 

 

Right, right - Russ Feingold read from his blog during the Censure hearings.

 

 

Yeah, seems like I heard that somewhere before.

 

 

Good DAY, sir!

 

 

Did that guy look familiar to you?

 

 

Of course he did, you moron, that was...

 

 

I guess it's up to me to set you straight about Glenn Green...

 

 

Knock it off, already. We know it's you.

 

 

He looks just like that guy who was just here.

 

 

I'm sure I don't know who you're talking about. Besides, our moustaches are completely different.

 

 

This is just embarrassing.

 

 

You are aware that Mr. Greenwald has written a New York Times bestselling book on executive...

 

 

We know, we know. Listen, why don't you just tell "Mr. Greenwald"...

 

 

Well, I've never met the man personally, but I did recently e-mail him, and this is the reply I received:

 

 

Dear person I've never met personally: Thanks for your note. As a matter of fact I did write a New York Times bestselling book on executive authority, and I am indeed the person who broke a story on his blog about wiretapping that led...

 

 

Yeah, yeah, we get the idea. Listen, why don't you just quit while you're ahead. You're really making an ass out of yourself.

 

 

I have no idea what you're talking about, but I will not stand here and be insulted. Good DAY, sir.

 

 

You think he's related to that other guy?

 

 

I swear, you can be such an idiot. Look, Glenn Greenwald is obviously...

 

 

Are you obsessed with me?

 

 

Hey, now that I think of it, he looks kind of like...

 

 

What is that you're carrying?

 

 

What? Oh...this...well, uh...people do share moustaches, you know.

 

 

He's right, you know. I read that at Wizbang!

 

 

So I live in Brazil and may or may not share a moustache with one or more people - what does that prove?

 

 

WTF are you talking about? I never even mentioned...

 

 

I don't even know why I'm talking to you - you're not published. Good DAY, sir.

 

 

That guy's got issues.

 

 

Did someone mention Glenn Greenwald?

 

 

Serious issues.

Seriously

UPDATE: VIDEO!

 

UPDATE II:

Where are all the real conservatives?

UPDATE III: I don't care who you are, that right there is funny. (BTW, I agree with at least one of these people(?))

 

Yet Another Open Thread

Wait a second - how can this be another open thread when there was no open thread before this?

And why am I bothering with an open thread in the first place? You people just post off-topic comments about any stupid crap you feel like discussing, anyway.

Here's you:

Relevance? Who cares about relevance? It's not my blog. I think I'll post an off-topic comment about some stupid crap I feel like discussing, even though it has nothing to do with the subject of this post.

Why do I even bother? You know what, just forget I said anything.

 

Helen Thomas Takes On The Zionists At The Local Starbucks (John)

Welcome to Starbucks, can I help you?

 

 

Yes, I'll have a triple venti no-foam latte - and I don't want sprinkles.

 

 

No problem, we don't put sprinkles on lattes.

 

 

That's fine, just don't put any on mine, please.

 

 

Like I said, we don't usually put sprinkles on lattes.

 

 

I don't care what you usually do, I don't want sprinkles on mine, so you can ease up on the hard sell.

 

 

Ma'am, once again, we don't put sprinkles on lattes.

 

 

What is it with you and the sprinkles? Do you work on commission or something?

 

 

No, I'm just trying to explain...

 

 

For God's sake, all I'm asking you to do is keep your damned sprinkles off of my latte!

 

 

I don't know how I can be any clearer: We. Don't. Put. Sprinkles. On. Lattes!

 

 

Then why do I have to keep asking you not to put any on mine?? Am I being punked??

 

 

All right! I give up - I'll get your latte, and we won't put any sprinkles on it, OK?

 

 

Fine. I'd like extra cheese, too.

 

 

We don't...

 

 

...

 

 

Ma,am, I really think you should have extra cheese on your latte.

 

 

Nice try, coffee boy, but no sale - you keep your cheese off my latte.

 

 

Whatever you say...here you go, one triple venti no-foam latte, no sprinkles. That'll be $1.79, please.

 

 

Keep the change.

 

 

Umm...thanks.

 

 

You know that woman just paid you with Monopoly money, don't you?

 

 

Yes. Yes I do.

 

Sprinkles, dammit!

 

Two Problems, One Solution

Problem #1: Illegal immigration at the U.S./Mexico border.

The solution?

Get rid of the fence.

 

That's right, I said get rid of the fence. Bear with me.

Now the temptation to cross the border is even greater. That's the idea:

 

Next:

A giant treadmill--invisible to the naked eye--is placed underground just south of the border.

 

Now anyone trying to approach the border is basically running in place.

 

Illegal immigrants coming over the Mexican border: No mas!

Now for problem #2: Energy prices.

 

A series of gears is connected to the treadmill.

 

 

Costly and potentially dangerous containment and cooling infrastructure is decommissioned at selected nuclear power plants.

 

 

Turbines are powered directly by the treadmill.

 

What if this doesn't generate enough energy to meet the demands of American consumers, you ask? Not to worry.

 

Increased demand is addressed by having Republican and/or Democratic legislators propose "immigration reform" legislation.

 

 

The promise of greater rewards (and reduced penalties) for entering the country illegally (a direct result of the proposed legislation) causes an increase in activity at the border, which translates into higher energy output levels.

Next time: How to solve the Middle East conflict using an oversized jack-in-the-box and twenty-seven large rubber bands.

 

Resolved: The Guy Is A Moron

Don't bother trying to defend him or make excuses for his behavior.

UPDATE: Grow a pair!

UPDATE II: Where's the denunciation? Where's the repudiation? Where does Patterico stand on this?

 

Rock Star: Cynthia McKinney(?)

Welcome back to Rock Star. Our next contestant...

 

 

YES! Right on, Brook.

 

 

Yeah...anyway, our next contestant, Cynthia McKinney, gave up a promising career in politics to pursue the dream of a rock and roll life style.

 

 

Here she is, singing The Pina Colada Song, ladies and gentlemen, Cynthia McKinney!

 

 

 

 

Cynthia McKinney!

 

 

 

 

...

 

 

...

 

 

...

 

 

 

 

...

 

 

...

 

 

...

 

 

 

 

...

 

 

...

 

 

...

 

 

 

 

...

 

 

...

 

 

...

 

 

 

 

I've been informed by the producers that...Wait, here she is - Cynthia McKinney!

 

 

 

 

Sorry, false alarm. Well, according to the rules of the show, Ms. McKinney will be eliminated by default. Be sure to join us next week for more Rock Star!

 

 

 

 

A few hours later...

 

 

Whoa. That Cynthia McKinney chick was intense.

 

 

And Now, A Message For Aspiring 9/11 Conspiracy Bloggers

Do you have a degree in aeronautics, engineering or physics?

 

 

Can you use basic reasoning to arrive at a logical conclusion?

 

 

Can you draw simple line drawings...

 

 

Like this...

 

 

Or this?

 

 

If you answered "No" to all of these questions, you might have the aptitude and desire necessary to be a 9/11 conspiracy blogger.

 

 

Today, scores of people are writing 9/11 conspiracy blogs.

 

 

And here at the 9/11 Conspiracy Institute, we'll help you develop the skills you need to start your own. Skills like...

 

 

Air crash diagram drawing.

 

 

Under the guidance of our instructors, you'll be producing professional looking air crash diagrams in no time at all.

 

 

Believe it or not, this was drawn by someone who had no formal training before coming to the Institute.

 

 

Worried because you can't write? No problem. The experts at the 9/11 Conspiracy Institute will show you how the 9/11 conspiracy pros do it.

 

 

Just highlight...

 

 

Copy...

 

 

And paste.

 

 

That's all there is to it.

 

 

Don't let a lack of talent or critical thinking skills stop you from pursuing this exciting and rewarding hobby. Call the 9/11 Conspiracy Institute now.

 

 

Call the number on your screen. You'll be glad you did.

Don't try this at home, kids! (H/T: Instapinch via Cold Fury)

UPDATE: Can't master complex "cut-and-paste" skills? No problem! The Conspiracy Generator is your friend. (H/T: Gina Cobb)

UPDATE II: One of our former instructors has hit the big time!

 

Bye-Bye Boolah Boolah Mullah

Score one for the Nail Yale blog (down at the moment for maintenance).

Via Hot Air:

The New York Times’ education reporter, Alan Finder, told me that he has been in contact with the Boola Boola Mullah’s financial backers , and they say he hasn’t been admitted to the regular degree program at Yale. He may have a few credits left in his current program, so he might be back for one more semester or so in the fall, but he won’t graduate from Yale.

This is a bizarre, freakish chapter in Yale’s history, and even though I’m glad Sayed Rahmatullah Hashemi is leaving, I actually hope the story isn’t over. I hope that Yale will continue to examine the root causes of this awful decision. Right now Yale is a place that forbids ROTC from training on campus on one hand, but at the same time welcomes an unrepentant high official of one of the vilest regimes in recent history. In 2002, Yale turned down an opportunity to admit a group of academically qualified Afghan women, but a couple of years later they admit their oppressor. There’s something culturally wrong with a place that tolerates that sort cognitive dissonance and I hope they try to fix it.

Hats off to Clinton Taylor, who started Nail Yale.

 

The U.S. Military: Jack-Booted Thugs Chilling Free Speech

Enough with the whole "discipline" schtick, already. We get it.

Did you two maggots hear me? I said, move out!!

 

 

I'm a little busy right now.

 

 

Still nursing a cerveza here, dude.

 

 

I apologize, gentlemen. Please join us once you're thoroughly wasted, if it's not too much trouble.

 

 

Whatever.

GMAFB:

The U.S. Army filed three charges on Wednesday against an officer who refused to fight in Iraq due to objections over the legality of the war.

First Lt. Ehren Watada, who supporters say is the first commissioned U.S. officer to publicly refuse to serve in Iraq and face a military court, remained at Fort Lewis base in Washington state when his unit shipped out to Iraq on June 22.

Watada called the war and U.S. occupation of Iraq "illegal" and said participation would make him a party to war crimes.

In a statement, the Army said it had charged Watada, 28, with missing movement, contempt toward officials and conduct unbecoming an officer.
...
Watada's lawyer said he expected the missing movement charge, but was somewhat surprised by the decision to charge the officer with contempt toward officials and conduct unbecoming an officer, because it raises free speech issues.

 

Post-Election Whining: The Esperanto Of The Left

*Sniff*

Mexico's leftist party demanded Tuesday that electoral officials recount every vote cast in the country's closest presidential race ever, claiming the balloting was manipulated and renewing fears that its fiery candidate will launch massive street protests if he doesn't get his way.

The campaign manager for Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador made the announcement in a statement read to reporters.

"¡exigimos un recuento completo!"

 

It's a Mr. Stick Figure Fourth of July

Happy Independence Day, everyone!

 

 

...

 

 

Well, where's the fireworks?

 

 

 

 

 

Oh, come on!

 

 

 

 

I cannot work like this.

 

In His Continuing Efforts To Educate The American Public, Senator Ted Stevens (R-ASS) Provides A Visual Aid Describing The Anatomy Of The Human Brain In Layman's Terms

"Hey, are you calling Senator Ted Stevens (R-ASS) a freaking nimrod?"

Of course not:

I just the other day got, an internet was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday and I just got it yesterday. Why?

Because it got tangled up with all these things going on the internet commercially.
...
Now we have a separate Department of Defense internet now, did you know that?

Do you know why?

Because they have to have theirs delivered immediately. They can't afford getting delayed by other people.