And Now, A Message For Aspiring 9/11 Conspiracy Bloggers

Do you have a degree in aeronautics, engineering or physics?

 

 

Can you use basic reasoning to arrive at a logical conclusion?

 

 

Can you draw simple line drawings...

 

 

Like this...

 

 

Or this?

 

 

If you answered "No" to all of these questions, you might have the aptitude and desire necessary to be a 9/11 conspiracy blogger.

 

 

Today, scores of people are writing 9/11 conspiracy blogs.

 

 

And here at the 9/11 Conspiracy Institute, we'll help you develop the skills you need to start your own. Skills like...

 

 

Air crash diagram drawing.

 

 

Under the guidance of our instructors, you'll be producing professional looking air crash diagrams in no time at all.

 

 

Believe it or not, this was drawn by someone who had no formal training before coming to the Institute.

 

 

Worried because you can't write? No problem. The experts at the 9/11 Conspiracy Institute will show you how the 9/11 conspiracy pros do it.

 

 

Just highlight...

 

 

Copy...

 

 

And paste.

 

 

That's all there is to it.

 

 

Don't let a lack of talent or critical thinking skills stop you from pursuing this exciting and rewarding hobby. Call the 9/11 Conspiracy Institute now.

 

 

Call the number on your screen. You'll be glad you did.

Don't try this at home, kids! (H/T: Instapinch via Cold Fury)

UPDATE: Can't master complex "cut-and-paste" skills? No problem! The Conspiracy Generator is your friend. (H/T: Gina Cobb)

UPDATE II: One of our former instructors has hit the big time!

 

Comments

[Janette]

I giggled all the way through but after it was over I realized how true some of it is. Now I'm sad...and a little scared. I'm sure it's Bush's fault.

[AnonymousDrivel]

Encore, maestro!

Not you, John, but Spooked from covertoperations.blogspot.com.

That guy really has the parody thing down pat. You should inquire about the Conspiracist Parody Institute particularly noting their artist rendering specialties. Clearly, Spooked was a summa cum laude.

[Klabdak]

Did Mr. Stick Figure draw that crap?

[Jeff H]

A "friend" told me that phone number [(800) WACK-JOB] used to be a, um, "adult entertainment" number.

How appropriate that it's now being put to this important use for the 9/11 Conspiracy Institute.

[Pinch]

Oh Lord....that is great! Wouldn't you just love to see the Indoc class at THAT institute.

[benny bird]

Another one of these unisersty eggheads with their walnut sized brains shooting off his big fat flapping piehole damn i do feel like flying over his head and bombing him like any frustrated bird would do rraaawwkk rrrraawwwkk

[Gordon]

OH GAWD!! I've been trying to draw "Tippy" since my childhood. Does that make me a terrorist?

Who knew that adorable turtle was the perfect size and shape to receive microwave signals from the orbiting CIA KillSats!

[tommy]

so they have a school for that. I'd been wondering where this all got started.

[Paolo della Sala]

Great post: better than a World soccer cup.

[Tom]

Deb Frisch is licking her lips and coming after your child.

[Swamp Rabbit]

Gotta love WazzaDem!!

[Glen]

While a useful tool, that conspiracy generator is on a lefty website that seems to think that conspiracy theories are generated only in the fevered dreams of conservatives. With a little editing, I did manage to override the bias:

In order to understand supply side economics you need to realize that everything is controlled by a Conservative Cabal made up of Jews with help from Jews.

The conspiracy first started during the Tunguska Blast in Chappaquiddick. They have been responsible for many events throughout history, including the Permian Mass Extinction.

Today, members of the conspiracy are everywhere. They can be identified by their habit of arguing reasonably.

They want to vote against Ned Lamont, Al Franken and imprison resisters in Flyover Country using Pickup Trucks.

In order to prepare for this, we all must listen to Moby. Since the media is controlled by Joe Lieberman we should get our information from Andrew Sullivan.

[John from WuzzaDem]

While a useful tool, that conspiracy generator is on a lefty website that seems to think that conspiracy theories are generated only in the fevered dreams of conservatives.

That's exactly why it's an invaluable resource for 9/11 konspiracy kooks.

[John from WuzzaDem]

Now I'm sad...and a little scared. I'm sure it's Bush's fault.

Excellent - those are the only prerequisites needed to attend.

[seedub]

I thought the stick-drawings of plane crashes you had photoshopped in there were your imaginative reconstructions of moonbat paraphernalia, and that they were merely fake but accurate.

Then I followed your links and realized no, no, those are primary sources.

I would have pronounced them "beyond parody", but not for the mad skillz of Wuzzadem.

[Skul]

Tommy asked "so they have a school for that. I'd been wondering where this all got started."

9/12 of course.

[Janette]

Oh crap, when I said I realized "how true some of it is" I meant that it's sad that some them think that conspiracy crap is true and I was NOT implying that I do!

Sheesh, just in case any of ya'll thought I've lost my f'ing mind and gone over to the dark side. Of course if I did I'm sure that would also be Bush's fault.

(Should I start adding sarcasm tags to these things? Maybe I should just leave the humor thing to John.)

[KM]

I called 800-WACK-JOB, but they want the ACCESS CODE to continue. It wants a two-digit number. I tried the three 9/11 flights with two digits, no luck. Also tried 69, just in case JeffH was right. Nope.

John, do you know the access code? Are you in on the secret? And also...

Is it safe?

[John from WuzzaDem]

Janette - No problem, everyone here knows you were just joking. Right, everyone? (Just nod your heads, everyone). See? We're all your friends. No reason to get upset.

Karl - It's never safe. BTW, watch out for Janette, I think she's "one of them".

[i get drunk with ted kennedy]

i think the following shows the dems as foolish

late last night boston's big dig partially collapsed and killed a woman.

background on the big dig
the big dig project was given boston over President Reagan's veto over a $88 billion transportation bill because of ted kennedy and speaker tip o' neill.

the big dig was suppose to cost only $2 billion
when it was finished it cost $15 billion
after it was finished it was discovered that the part of the tunnel under the atlantic ocean leaked water. now that a large part of the ceiling just fell apart resulting in the killing of a woman last night, it has been revealed that during its construction that the big dig was suppose to be inspected every 3 months, and no one knows when the last time it was inspected.

and the democratic party has faith in big government.

[Klabdak]

Wow...that shit really works!

From the conspiracy generator:

In order to understand libralism you need to realize that everything is controlled by a liberals made up of liberals with help from liberals.
The conspiracy first started during earthquake in San Francisco. They have been responsible for many events throughout history, including Gay Day.

Today, members of the conspiracy are everywhere. They can be identified by liberalism.

They want to moon Hillary Clinton and imprison resisters in New Jersey using cars.

In order to prepare for this, we all must unite. Since the media is controlled by Frisch we should get our information from Joe Wilson.

[AnonymousDrivel]

RE: KM (Jul 11, 2006 6:25:43 PM)
Is it safe?

Oh, crap! The anti-dentite suspects. Run away!

[dorkafork]

While a useful tool, that conspiracy generator is on a lefty website that seems to think that conspiracy theories are generated only in the fevered dreams of conservatives.

That's just what it wants you to think it seems to think!

[Pat Curley]

Great post; linked. BTW, Spooked 911 is not a parodist; he really thinks he's doing a great job exposing the government's complicity in 9-11. I loved his post showing that wooden airplanes could not have crashed into a wooden World Trade Center, and his other post showing that hydrocarbon fires would not melt rabbit fencing.

[AnonymousDrivel]

Jeff H,

Is Wack Job related to Buck Naked?

[Jeremy]

BAMM!!!

[revad]

no cure for stupid

[Democrat]

Actually, it's funny.

However, the hijacking of your company and Homeland Security knocking on your door is not funny.

Just wait for the dollar collapse and the fun will start.

911, it's all connected.

[John from WuzzaDem]

Check, please!

That comment must be a joke.

[Smitty]

Okay who saw that sorry ass 9/11 Scholar Symposium last weekend on C-SPAN?

A room full of slack jaws and sloping brows.

"The dam is breaking." I gotta a dam you can break!

How about Professor James Fetzer? He's a winner!

-cs™

[JML]

What exactly is so funny about those who think that an alternative to the 9/11 Commission's stance is viable? Sure, there are plenty of folks who are probably misguided in their beliefs about 9/11, but evidence of severe gross negligence at the very least is quite overwhelming. Shouldn't intellectual curiosity itself spark an interest? Or is that question irrelevant to the writers and readers here?

[John from WuzzaDem]

Intellectual curiosity?

Did you even bother to follow the link at the end of the post? If you do, here's what you'll find right on the front page, in the "author's" About me summary:

I am dedicated to finding out the truth about 9/11. I think the evidence is incontrovertible that the WTC towers were blown up by controlled demolition on 9/11, as well as WTC7. Evidence also indicates that the plane crashes were a hoax. All in all 9/11 appears to be a massive and cruel hoax foisted upon the American people to generate bloodlust.

Intellectual curiosity? This moron isn't talking about negligence, he's busy hawking presenting "proof" that the government planned and carried out the murder of nearly 3,000 citizens.

See those goofy drawings in the post above? I didn't make them up, they were taken directly from the site I linked. This asshole - who obviously has no knowledge of aeronatics, engineering, physics or metallurgy - is too busy dreaming up flawed hypotheses to exercise his intellect or approach anything with genuine curiosity.

Here are a few of the "facts" you'll find on this site:

Flight 11 was a fly-by and never hit the tower!

Flight 175 was a fly-by and never hit the tower!

Flight 77 was a fly-by and never hit the Pentagon.

Flight 93 was also a fly-by and never crashed into the ground.

...in each of the 9/11 crashes, the actual crash could have been done by a separate specially-designed optically camoflaged aircraft-- a device that could produce a 767- or 757-like scar wherever it impacted. This aircraft would never show up in videos but would produce the building damage and explosions.

...the first and second hit videos really showed large Boeing flying just PAST the towers, without hitting them-- and that this was part of the fakery.

...perhaps the fly-by occurred very early after the first tower was hit, before many cameras were going (maybe even by the same plane that did the north tower fly-by). Select cameraman filmed this fly-by, ready to splice this plane footage into footage of the south tower exploding, thus setting up the video hoax.

In my opinion, the flight 93 crater is one of the most obvious clues to the 9/11 hoax. Which is probably why flight 93 was shrouded in sentimental and patriotic mythology.

...hijackers and the Govt were actually working together. In which case why would Islamic fanatics commit suicide to help the US govt? Which means that they weren’t Islamic fanatics. They were USG agents.

There ARE many reasons why people wanted the towers down besides the official 9/11 story-- such as that the towers had a very expensive asbestos clean-up slated for them.

I'll stop with that last one. Read it again:

There ARE many reasons why people wanted the towers down besides the official 9/11 story-- such as that the towers had a very expensive asbestos clean-up slated for them.

Got it? Someone killed 3,000 people tp get out of paying for a "very expensive asbestos clean-up."

So, to answer your first question, there's nothing the least bit funny about the people peddling this horse shit (no offense to horse shit) - Some are sick, some are assholes, some are just idiots, and there are plenty of "combos".

You want to defend these people? Do it somewhere else, I'm not interested.

[G Jiggy]

I gotta tell ya, this morning I saw a vid about some attention whore named John Conner cornering Danny Bonaduce about 9/11 being an "inside job" (yeah I know why Bonaduce? But hey I'm not John Conner). Danny stuffed that boob into a hole. Then I came across this . . . I laughed until I has tears in my eyes. Good job. Hell, GREAT job! Or should I say ood-bay ob-jay?

[John from WuzzaDem]

Yeah, I saw that, too. I never thought I'd say this, but I am now a Danny Bonaduce fan.

BTW, I can't remember the name of that jackass who was "interviewing" Bonaduce, but he has quite a few pathetic videos on YouTube (at least he did a few months back).

[Ronnie]

Yea! No more conspiracy theories.
I am tired of this 911 crap. Put it on the junk pile with the Waco and Ruby Ridge conspiracy theories. And what's up with Juditial Watch investigating TWA flight 800 claiming a missile hit it. They claim over a hundred eye witnesses saw a missile. They must be using some strong drugs out there. And where are all these supposed terrorists cells that are supposed to be thriving all through out the country? I am tired of all these outlandish tales that are supposed to keep us on edge. Don't believe any of this garbage, except the North American Union plan, that's for real.