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« February 2006 | Main | April 2006 »

March 30, 2006

Dem Rascals On "Real Security"

[John]
Tedspankysm
We're gonna 'liminate Obama bin Lobbin.

 

 

 

Nancydarla
Don'tcha mean Osama?

 

 

 

Tedspankysm
Yeah, Obama bin Osama.

 

 

 

Harryalsm
Not Obama, ya big dope!

 

 

 

Tedspankysm
I ain't a big dope!

 

 

 

Nancydarla
We're gonna make North Korea stop makin' those nukes, too.

 

 

 

Harryalsm
Yeah, we're just gonna tell 'em they better knock it off or we won't attack 'em.

 

 

 

Tedspankysm
That'll fix their wagons!

 

 

 

Harryalsm
We're gonna have a lot more soldiers, too.

 

 

 

Tedspankysm
And a whole bunch more spies.

 

 

 

Nancydarla
Then we're gonna ploy all of 'em.

 

 

 

Harryalsm
Ya mean reploy 'em?

 

 

 

Nancydarla
Yeah, but we're gonna do it 'sponsibly.

 

 

 

Harryalsm
Cuz we're 'sponsible.

 

 

 

Tedspankysm
Yeah, we're reeeal 'sponsible.

 

 

 

Harryalsm
Hey, how we gonna do all this stuff, anyway?

 

 

 

Nancydarla
I dunno, I thought you knew.

 

 

 

Harryalsm
Hey, Teddy, do you know?

 

 

 

Tedspankygl

 

 

 

Nancydarla
I guess it don't matter.

 

 

 

Tedspankysm
Long as we *hic* got a plan it don't matter.

 

 

 

Harryalsm
Yeah, we'll figger it out later.

It's a reeeal good plan!

 

March 29, 2006

Basic Instinct 2 Re-Edited

[John]

The director and producer were afraid this shot might be a little too subtle:

 


Bi2

 


So, they did a bit of editing:

 


Bia

 


I still don't get it.

 


Bib

 


What are they trying to say?

 


Bic

 


Oh, now I get it. No, that's not it.

 


Bid

Must be some kind of product placement deal for a furniture store.

 

March 28, 2006

Sharon Stone Lectures Middlefield Elementary School Students On Safety

[John]
Sharonstone
...because it's much, much safer. So, any questions?

 

 

Kids2
...

 

 

Sharonstone
Anybody?

 

 

Kids2
...

 

 

Sharonstone
Any questions, at all. Ah, yes, the little girl in the red.

 

 

Girl
What's a blow job?

Yikes.

 

March 27, 2006

More Legal Trouble At WuzzaDem

[John]

Great. As soon as I complied with this communique from Doris Kearns Goodwin's attorney Gopher/PR hack, I started getting slammed with complaints from sheister lawyers all over the country.

This one is especially disturbing:

Mr. WuzzaDem,

I represent The Comic Book Guy. My client was falsely portrayed on your web site interviewing Mary Mapes, who, in addition to being a lying hack of a pathetic excuse for a jounalist, has a disposition that makes my client look pleasant by comparison.

By falsely associating Comic Book Guy with Ms. Mapes you have done considerable damage to his reputation as a boorish, sarcastic, immature loser. We request that you remove the posting immediately, and that in the future you refrain from falsely associating my client with Ms. Mapes, Alec Baldwin, Charlotte Church, or that a**hole that made the McDonalds documentary.

Thanks for your cooperation. That is, assuming you do cooperate, because I have no intention of thanking you if you don't. Plus, I'll take legal action. Because, you know, I'm a lawyer.

Sincerely,

Ann B. Lance-Chaser

P.S: I have a big corner office with a really bitchin' view of the Sherman Oaks Galleria.

Ditzychick

 

My Own Very Personal Thoughts On The Ben Domenech Controversy (Someone Other Than Doris Kerns Gudwin)***UPDATED

[John]

***THIS POST WAS BUMPED TO THE TOP AFTER I WAS CONTACTED BY DORIS KEARNS GOODWIN'S ATTORNEY PR FLACK (NO, I'M NOT KIDDING). SEE UPDATES BELOW. I'M NOTHING IF NOT FAIR.***

Woman
Guest Post NOT By Doris Kerns Gudwin, or anyone who spells their name in a similar fashion

My reaction to the charges that now-former WaPo "Red America" blogger Ben Domenech has "poached" the work of other writers without proper credit or attribution is mixed.

It's one thing to paraphrase basic facts from a wire story. But to lift the original thoughts and distinctly crafted phrases of a writer without crediting him/her--and doing so repeatedly--is unacceptable in journalism.

As Michelle Malkin said today:

It is one thing to paraphrase basic facts from a wire story. But to filch the original thoughts and distinctly crafted phrases of a writer without crediting him/her--and doing so repeatedly--is unacceptable in our business.

Well written, Michelle. I understand the impulse on the Right to support Domenech. But you can't ignore the plain evidence. And I don't believe the charges can be dismissed as "lies" or jealousy attributed to Ben's age.

Malkin, again:

I certainly understand the impulse on the Right to rally around Domenech. But I can't ignore the plain evidence. And the charges can't be dismissed as "lies" or jealousy attributed to Ben's age.

Couldn't have said it better myself. Domenech offers rebuttals to the charges at RedState, but some seem unconvincing. He says his editor kept inserting material from other reviews into his movie reviews. Why would he do that?

Ace notes:

He [Domenech] offers rebuttals to the charges at RedState, but some seem unconvincing. His editor kept inserting material from other reviews into his movie reviews? Why would he do that?

UPDATE: Updated to reflect the fact that this post was NOT written by Doris Kerns Gudwin, or Doris Kearns Goodwin, whose attorney PR flack/Gopher sent me the following e-mail this morning (once again, I'm not kidding):

John,

I represent Doris Kearns Goodwin and we are shocked and dismayed to find the following (see below) [pasted in copy of my post, prior to the first update] false, damaging and defamatory entry on your site. We request that you remove it immediately.

Thank you.

Sincerely,

Beth Laski

Beth Laski & Associates

I can understand why Ms. Kearns Goodwin might be upset, since anyone reading this post prior to my correction might have gotten the impression that she had, in writing the post, tried to pass off the work of other authors as her own. After all, that would be plagiarism, wouldn't it?

UPDATE II: Here's a little background on Doris Kearns Goodwin, for the benefit of anyone who doesn't watch MSNBC:

Bo Crader, Weekly Standard:

Two weeks ago in this magazine, Fred Barnes reported on the striking similarities between Stephen E. Ambrose's "The Wild Blue" and Thomas Childers's "Wings of Morning." Subsequently, The Weekly Standard received a letter pointing out that Goodwin's "The Fitzgeralds and the Kennedys" borrowed with insufficient attribution from three earlier works by other authors.

An examination of the works in question confirmed the correspondent's allegation.

The Harvard Crimson:

Goodwin’s plagiarism of sentences, nearly verbatim, from source materials is inexcusable. As an Overseer, Goodwin is a leader of an academic community, the foundation of which is integrity in independent scholarship. As a leader, she should recognize that her action is unbecoming an Overseer and resign her post immediately, sending the clear message to the campus that she understands the gravity of the offense she has committed.

Timothy Noah, Slate:

Lest anyone conclude that Harvard's definition of plagiarism was more rigorous than anyone else's, I pointed out that Goodwin's actions constituted plagiarism under the definitions endorsed by the Modern Language Association, the American Historical Association, and every other university surveyed during the controversy by Rick Shenkman of the History News Network.

And here's a piece by Noah for History News Network:

In my earlier columns, I portrayed Ms. Goodwin as somewhat craven for correcting her faulty text only when bad publicity required it. What I should have written was that Ms. Goodwin was really, really craven for saying she was going to correct her faulty text and then, once the braying media pack scampered away, not doing it!

Search engines are great, aren't they?


UPDATE III: Reader Yojimbo did a little research of his own and discovered that Beth Laski (AKA Beth Lackey) isn't an attorney, she's a PR hack flack for Doris Kearns Goodwench. Here's her web page:

BethLaski.com

Quality stuff, man. All that's missing is one of these:

Underconstruction

In all fairness, it's entirely possible Beth Lackey wanted to use a really slick "Under construction" graphic, but wasn't sure who created it, and I'm sure she would never want to sully her good name by getting involved in any way with something as slimy as stealing others' work.

Hey, speaking of plagiarism...What? We weren't speaking of plagiarism? Oh.

Hey, is that some plagiarism over there?

So, anyway, speaking of plagiarism, it appears Beth Lackey is/was also a writer. No, really. And an article she wrote for Cinescape back in 1995 is referenced extensively on the web.

Where is it referenced, you ask? On scores of web sites for companies that offer to write term papers, essays, book reports, dissertations, etc., for a fee.

I should make it clear that many of these sites specify that their essays are "For personal use only". You know, in case you want to get your mom a term paper for her birthday but can't find time to write it yourself.

Oh, and one of the features touted by these sites is no plagiarism. No, I'm not kidding! Look:

Plag1


Plag3

I misplaced the links to these sites. If you want to find them, just go to your favorite search engine and look up "beth laski" and "plagiarism".

March 23, 2006

Guerilla Marketing with Andrew Young (1 Of More Than 1)

[John]
Anchorabc
Our top story tonight; Less than a month after a Palm Beach woman sued Walgreens for labeling her "crazy" and "psycho" in its nationwide computer system, two more Floridians have come forward with similar allegations.

 

 

Anchoryoung
That would never happen at a Wal-Mart pharmacy!

 

 

Anchorabc
What the hell was that?

Fight the power!

 

March 22, 2006

Church Sign Smackdown!

[John]
B1

 

 

C1_1

 

 

B2

 

 

C2_1

 

 

B3

 

 

C3

 

 

B4

 

 

C4a

 

 

B5

 

 

C5

 

 

B6a

 

 

C6

 

 

B7a

 

 

C7

 

 

B8

 

 

C8

 

 

B9

 

 

C9

 

 

B10

 

 

C10

 

 

B11

 

 

C11

 

 

B12

 

 

C12

 

 

B13

 

 

C13

 

 

B14

 

 

C14

 

 

B15a

 

 

C15a

 

 

B16

 

 

C16

 

 

B17

 

H/T: Ace, for pointing me to the Church Sign Generator

Speaking of signs...

March 21, 2006

Hardball: When The Truth Bites You In The Ass

[John]
Hardballchris
I'm Chris Matthews, let's play Hardball. Tonight; startling new allegations that the Bush administration knew well ahead of the attack on Iraq that Saddam Hussein did not possess WMD's.

 

 

Hardballchris
My first guest tonight is one of the stars of the hit TV drama Law and Order, legendary comic Richard Belzer. Richard, welcome to the show.

 

 

Richardbelzer
Thanks for having me on the show, Chris.

 

 

Hardballchris
HA! That's a good one.

 

 

Richardbelzer
What??

 

 

Hardballchris
No, I got that - you just took what I said about the show and turned it around on me. Funny stuff, really.

 

 

Richardbelzer
I was just responding to your...

 

 

Hardballchris
Let's get serious here for a second.

 

 

Richardbelzer
I was being...

 

 

Hardballchris
By the way, do you mind if I call you Pete?

 

 

Richardbelzer
What??? Why would you want to call me Pete?

 

 

Hardballchris
I don't know, I just always liked that name. Pete. That's short for Peter, you know.

 

 

Richardbelzer
Let's just stick with Richard.

 

 

Hardballchris
Suit yourself. So, anyway, NBC's Lisa Meyers reported today that Iraq’s foreign minister under Saddam told the CIA in 2002 that their estimates regarding Iraq's WMD stockpiles and capabilities were way off the mark. What does this do to Bush's credibility on Iraq?

 

 

Richardbelzer
Well, if he had any credibility left, it's just been vaporized.

 

 

Richardbelzer
I mean, this guy says Saddam had some poison gas laying around here and there, but how dangerous is that? I mean, there are probably dairy farmers in Wisconsin who are breathing in that much gas every day.

 

 

Hardballchris
Wow! I hadn't heard about that.

 

 

Richardbelzer
Actually, that was a joke.

 

 

Hardballchris
What was?

 

 

Richardbelzer
Never mind. The question that everyone who supports this war needs to ask themselves is, why would this guy lie?

 

 

Hardballchris
A lot of people are dubious of anything he might have said just because he was a member of Saddam's inner circle.

 

 

Richardbelzer
Yeah, but we're talking about a guy with a college degree, so why would he put his credibility on the line? It just doesn't make sense.

 

 

Hardballchris
College degree...right, right.

 

 

Richardbelzer
Beside, from what I understand, we paid him a lot of money for this information, so that's even more reason to believe what he said. I mean, we were like the goose that laid the golden egg, right?

 

 

Hardballchris
Is this another farm joke?

 

 

Richardbelzer
What? No.

 

 

Hardballchris
Let's bring in our next guest, Charlie Sheen. He's made some pretty serious allegations about the 9/11 attacks, and I'd like to get his take on this. Here's Charlie at a recent press conference.

 

 

Sheencourt
...and anyone who really doesn't believe it's not butter is being duped by the military-dairy complex.

 

 

Hardballchris
Heavy stuff. Charlie, welcome to the show.

 

 

Sheenshades
Thanks, Chris.

 

 

Hardballchris
So, is this a new look?

 

 

Sheenshades
Let's just say I'm trying to keep a low profile. There are certain people who would rather I kept my mouth shut, if you know what I mean.

 

 

Sheenshades
In fact, I'd rather not use my real name.

 

 

Hardballchris
Can I call you Pete?

 

 

Sheenshades
Works for me.

 

 

Hardballchris
Great. So, Pete, what do you make of this business about Iraq's foreign minister warning the administration that their WMD estimates were way off base.

 

 

Sheenshades
Chris, the reason I agreed to come out in public right now - possibly at great danger to myself - was to show you a video clip that will blow the lid off the Bush administration's WMD claims.

 

 

Sheenshades
This is footage of a press conference held by Iraq's information minister in 2003.

 

 

Baghdadbob
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, there are none! In fact, George Bush is the one who has weapons of mass destruction!

 

 

Hardballchris
Wow! I've gotta tell you, that's dynamite stuff! Haa anyone been able to verify his claims about Bush having WMDs?

 

 

Richardbelzer
Chris, from what I understand, the guy graduated summa cum laude from Baghdad U, so I'm inclined to give him the benefit of a doubt.

 

 

Hardballchris
Have you shown this to anyone else, Charlie?

 

 

Sheenshades
Pete.

 

 

Hardballchris
Sorry, Pete.

 

 

Sheenshades
I have, and, not surprisingly, the Reich-wing press says this is "old news".

 

 

Hardballchris
Unbelievable. If this guy's right, then our whole premise for going to war was false.

 

 

Sheenshades
I'm still not convinced we really went to war.

 

 

Richardbelzer
What the hell are you talking about, Pete? We've got people dying over there!

 

 

Sheenshades
That's what you've been told. Have you seen anyone die?

 

 

Richardbelzer
Hey, I graduated with a 5.2 GPA and I read 78 papers a day, I think I'd know if someone was BSing me about a war.

 

 

Hardballchris
We've all seen the pictures, Pete.

 

 

Sheenshades
Pictures! Pictures can be doctored, you know.

 

 

Richardbelzer
Do you have a degree in photography?? Do you???

 

 

Hardballchris
All right, let's calm down, Pete.

 

 

Richardbelzer
I'm Richard.

 

 

Hardballchris
You said I could call you Pete!

 

 

Richardbelzer
Charlie said you could call him Pete, right Charlie?

 

 

Richardbelzer
Charlie?

 

 

Sheenshades
The name's Pete.

 

 

Richardbelzer
Well, I say you're an idiot if you doubt we're actually at war, and I'll debate you on that any day.

 

 

Sheenshades
Call me an idiot again and your nose will be debating my fist, crag-face.

 

 

Richardbelzer
On the other hand, if there's one thing I learned in college, it was to respect the opinions of others.

 

 

Hardballchris
Well, I'd love to continue this, but we're out of time.

 

 

Hardballchris
Be sure to join us tomorrow night, we'll be talking to Thom Yorke, singer for the group Radiohead, who refused to meet with British Prime Minister Tony Blair, who he says has "No environmental credentials."

 

 

Richardbelzer
That's true, the man has no formal training.

 

 

Hardballchris
Thanks for that, Pete.

 

 

Richardbelzer
Richard.

 

 

Hardballchris
Whatever.

 

March 19, 2006

Bluetooth Down Through History: Custer's Last Call

[John]
Custerblue
All right, the reception here is terrible, but I'm pretty sure they said we should go this way!


Idea stolen from Robb.

See also:

Bluetooth Down Through History

Bluetooth Down Through History: Paul Revere

March 17, 2006

Is This Post Funny?

[John]

I spent so much time writing, rewriting and editing that I can't look at it impartially any more.

If it's not funny, I'm [open (oops!)] to suggestions on any needed revisions.

Thanks in advance.

UPDATE:

What if I end every post with, "I don't care who you are, that right there's funny."

Who wouldn't laugh at that?

March 16, 2006

Bluetooth Down Through History: Paul Revere

[John]
Paul_reverebluetooth

What difference does it make if they're coming by land or by sea?

Oh, yeah, I guess it would make a difference.

Let's see, I think they said one if by sea...no, that's not right. Crap, I forgot! Well, I've got it in an e-mail somewhere. I'll call you back, I've got to find my Blackberry.

Taking a Break From Blogging

[John]

Sorry, but I need some time to myself. I might not post every day, but blogging is pretty time consuming.

OK, I'm back now.

Wow, I feel really refreshed. I should do that more often.

I'm a Liberal...But I Love...This...Blog (George...Clooney)

[John]

Clooney3

I just want to say for the record that I really...love...was...a...dem...the...blog...by that name...I mean.

Let's keep this...between us...neocons...OK?

Ha...ha. That was a...joke.

Whatever you do, don't...read this.

March 15, 2006

Bluetooth Down Through History

[John]
Cavemanphone
...so the guy just rubs two sticks together, and, BAM! Fire.

 

 

Cavemanphone
Hey, I wouldn't sh*t you about something like this, man. I saw it with my own two eyes.

 

 

Cavemanphone
Listen, he showed me how to do it myself, so how about you drag the little woman over tomorrow night and we'll have some cooked dinosaur?

 

 

Cavemanphone
Yeah, we'll eat, we'll crap on the floor of my cave - it'll be great.

 

 

Cavemanphone
Listen, since electricity hasn't been invented yet, make sure you come early enough that the giant fireball is still out when you're on your way home.

 

 

Cavemanphone
Cool. Hey, that's my call waiting, I've gotta take this. Uh-huh. You, too. Buh-bye.

 

March 14, 2006

The Insider

[John]

And now, we join The Insider, already in progress.

Pato
Next, The Insider's Lara Spencer goes behind the scenes in DC for tonight's Tidy Cats Washington Scoop.

 

 

Scoop3

 

 

Laras
Pat, members of congress from the left coast and the right were shocked yesterday when clean-cut Wisconsin Senator Russ Feingold called for President Bush to be censored.

 

 

Laras
No word yet on exactly what it was the raunchy head honcho of America said to offend the Senator, but insiders tell us that, if this keeps up, Mr. Bush may follow the lead of shock jock Howard Stern and take his act to Sirius sattelite radio.

 

 

Pato
Thanks, Lara. And don't worry, folks, we here at The Insider will keep our ears glued to the radio waves so we can update you on this DC brouhaha.

 

 

Pato
And now, on a sad note, breaking news of wind breaking in the midwest as tornadoes kill at least ten people. Lara goes inside with Uma Thurman for tonight's Hormel Chili Disaster of the Day.

 

 

Hormel

 

 

Laras
In her yet-to-be-released movie, My Super Ex-Girlfriend, due in theaters this July, Uma Thurman plays a scorned superheroine who uses her powers to make her ex-boyfriend's life a living hell. But, as Uma told The Insider, there's nothing super about being killed in a tornado.

 

 

Umathurman
I just think that, you know, instead of going after innocent Buddhists in Iran, our government should focus on trying to put a stop to these terrible tornadoes and leavees and other things that are killing people right here at home.

 

 

Laras
Uma, you're obviously very passionate about this, so let me ask you - what can the government do? Should the President pass some kind of law?

 

 

Umathurman
He could start by laying off our freedom of speech. I think there are a lot of people out there who want to do something to make the world a better place, but they're afraid of being called unpatriotic by the religious wing.

 

 

Laras
Thanks for talking with The Insider, Uma.

 

 

Umathurman
Thank you! And don't forget, My Super Ex-Girlfriend will be in theaters in July.

 

 

Laras
Uma isn't the only smokin-hot Hollywood celeb speaking out these days. Earlier today we caught up with Natalie Portman, star of V For Vendetta. Natalie has some strong opinons, and as you'll see in tonight's Depends Deep Thoughts, she's not afraid to share them.

 

 

Depends

 

 

Natalieportman
I just think that, you know, some of the stuff we talk about in the film is really important, because we as a country are committing violences, and we, you know, have violences committed against us...

 

 

Natalieportman
I mean, it probably wasn't right for those towers to get knocked down, but I don't think censorship is right, either.

 

 

Pato
Heavy stuff, Lara. So, any chance Natalie will be jumping into the political arena any time in the near future?

 

 

Laras
Who knows, Pat. She obviously knows a lot about current events - maybe one day soon she'll be the focus of The Insider's Washington Scoop.

 

 

Scoop3_1

 

 

Pato
The Tidy Cats Washington Scoop.

 

 

Scoop3_2

 

 

Laras
The Tidy Cats Washington Scoop.

 

 

Pato
Well, don't go away, because after the break The Insider's Cojo talks to Dennis Quaid about his battle with manorexia. Here's a sneak peek.

 

 

Cojo
Stop whining and eat some Krispy Kremes, you wuss!

 

 

Pato
Don't go away, The Insider takes you so far inside, you'll...be inside out.

 

 

Pato
No, wait...we'll take you so far inside you'll come flying out the other end. No, that doesn't sound right...

 

 

Pato
Oh, hell, just stay tuned.

 

 

Insider

 

March 13, 2006

Does This Movie Make Me Look Fat?

[John]

Puh-lease:

Actor Dennis Quaid said he is getting professional help for what he calls "manorexia" -- the male version of anorexia.

...Quaid said his eating disorder apparently began in 1994 as he prepared to play emaciated Doc Holliday for the film "Wyatt Earp." He said he lost 40 pounds for the role and weighed only 130 pounds when shooting began.

...he sees fat in the mirror no matter how thin he becomes, the report said.

Quaid said he is coming forward and talking about the problem so other men will get help.

What a crock. If you ask me, he looks just fine.

 


Quaidar2

I suppose next he'll say he's suffering from pre-manstrual syndrome.

 

March 10, 2006

Jimmy Carter: (Useful) Idiot

[John]

From his op-ed in Pakistan's Daily Times today:

The pre-eminent obstacle to peace is Israel’s colonisation of Palestine...[emphasis mine]

Pre-eminent obstacle? You know, he must be right, because I can't think of anything else that might be holding up the peace process, can you?

Rock on, Brother Jimmy, Rock on.

H/T: Ace

And Now, A Candid Photo Of Vice President Dick Cheney

[John]
Cheneyreuters5

Seriously.

UPDATE: LauraW may not know much about art, but she knows what she likes.

UPDATE II: Michelle Malkin found Reuters' editorial policy. They actually claim to have a "freedom from bias." Excuse me for one second.

AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!

Sorry, had to get that out of my system.

UPDATE III: Instapunk nails it.

UPDATE IV: I swear, I didn't steal this idea. Or did I?

 

March 08, 2006

Cops: The Yanni Incident

[John]

Yikes:

Easy-listening music star Yanni spent a night in jail last week after being accused of slapping his girlfriend during a dispute at his Manalapan, Fla., home.

 

Sheriffy
All right, Lucille, what seems to be the problem this time?

 

 

Ygal
You keep that sumbitch away from me, sheriff. He done put his hands on me for the last time.

 

 

Sheriffy
You put your hands on her again, Johnny?

 

 

Yanniwb1
Its Yanni, dammit! Yanni! How many times I gotta tell you that?

 

 

Ygal
You see what he's like, sheriff?

 

 

Yanniwb1
Shut your damned pie hole, woman!

 

 

Sheriffy
Y'all best both pipe down right now.

 

 

Ygal
Mr. High and Mighty here don't do nuthin' but sit on his ass playin' his damn piano all day.

 

 

Yanniwb1
It ain't a piano, it's a synthesizer!

 

 

Ygal
Simplifizer, piano, whatever. Alls I know is you could go to work for my daddy tomorrow, but you're too damned lazy!

 

 

Yanniwb1
You know I got to play my music!

 

 

Sheriffy
Why'd you put your hands on her, Johnny?

 

 

Yanniwb1
She put Hellman's on my sandwich!

 

 

Ygal
What'd you expect me to do, leave the bread dry?

 

 

Yanniwb1
Woman, you know I got to have Miracle Whip on my fried baloney!

 

 

Babs1
Excuse me, this may be none of my business, but I believe it's spelled bulloney.

 

 

Yanniwb1
I don't remember askin' you a damned thing!

 

 

Babs1
Sorry, but I dettest grummatical errors and misspelings.

 

 

Yanniwb1
Lady, you don't spell too good.

 

 

Sheriffy
Yeah, you ain't a good speller.

 

 

Babs1
I won't stand here and be criteeked by someone who's probably a 'C' stoodent.

 

 

Yanniwb1
I got me a college degree, how 'bout you?

 

 

Babs1
Well, I, uh, I attended high skool.

 

 

Ygal
That ain't how you spell school.

 

 

Babs1
Stop currecting me!

 

 

Yanniwb1
She sure is ignorant, ain't she baby?

 

 

Ygal
She sure is, sweetie.

 

 

Babs1
I won't stand here and be insulted by a bunch of hiks!

 

 

Yanniwb1
Well have a seat, then.

 

 

Sheriffy
Least we know how to spell 'hick'.

 

 

Ygal
Good one, sheriff!

 

 

Babs1
You people are insuferabull!

 

 

Yanniwb1
Now you're just makin' up words!

 

 

Babs1
I know when I'm not wanted somewhere.

 

 

Sheriffy
Then why are you still here?

 

 

Babs1
Good day!

 

 

Ygal
It will be once you leave.

 

 

Yanniwb1
I don't even remember why we were fightin' now.

 

 

Ygal
Me neither, sweetie. Sheriff, you want a fried baloney sandwich?

 

 

Sheriffy
Sounds good to me. You do have Miracle Whip, don't you?

 

 

Ygal
...

 

 

Yanniwb1
...

 

 

Sheriffy
...

 

 

Ygal
Good one, sheriff!

 

 

March 07, 2006

The "Time Warp" Family's Strange Relation

[John]

From Sludge:

An extraordinary family who walk on all fours are being hailed as the breakthrough discovery which could shed light on the moment Man first stood upright.
...
The Kurdish siblings...from the rural south, 'bear crawl' on their feet and palms.
...
Study of the five has shown the astonishing behaviour is not a hoax and they are largely unable to walk otherwise.
Researchers have found a genetic condition which accounts for their extraordinary movement.

Scientists are especially interested in a distant American relative of the Kurdish family who alternates between "bear crawling" and "flip flopping".

 


Kerrywalk

 

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