Cops: The Yanni Incident
Easy-listening music star Yanni spent a night in jail last week after being accused of slapping his girlfriend during a dispute at his Manalapan, Fla., home.
All right, Lucille, what seems to be the problem this time?
You keep that sumbitch away from me, sheriff. He done put his hands on me for the last time.
You put your hands on her again, Johnny?
Its Yanni, dammit! Yanni! How many times I gotta tell you that?
You see what he's like, sheriff?
Shut your damned pie hole, woman!
Y'all best both pipe down right now.
Mr. High and Mighty here don't do nuthin' but sit on his ass playin' his damn piano all day.
It ain't a piano, it's a synthesizer!
Simplifizer, piano, whatever. Alls I know is you could go to work for my daddy tomorrow, but you're too damned lazy!
You know I got to play my music!
Why'd you put your hands on her, Johnny?
She put Hellman's on my sandwich!
What'd you expect me to do, leave the bread dry?
Woman, you know I got to have Miracle Whip on my fried baloney!
Excuse me, this may be none of my business, but I believe it's spelled bulloney.
I don't remember askin' you a damned thing!
Sorry, but I dettest grummatical errors and misspelings.
Lady, you don't spell too good.
Yeah, you ain't a good speller.
I won't stand here and be criteeked by someone who's probably a 'C' stoodent.
I got me a college degree, how 'bout you?
Well, I, uh, I attended high skool.
That ain't how you spell school.
Stop currecting me!
She sure is ignorant, ain't she baby?
She sure is, sweetie.
I won't stand here and be insulted by a bunch of hiks!
Well have a seat, then.
Least we know how to spell 'hick'.
Good one, sheriff!
You people are insuferabull!
Now you're just makin' up words!
I know when I'm not wanted somewhere.
Then why are you still here?
Good day!
It will be once you leave.
I don't even remember why we were fightin' now.
Me neither, sweetie. Sheriff, you want a fried baloney sandwich?
Sounds good to me. You do have Miracle Whip, don't you?
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...
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Good one, sheriff!
He's back!
Good one, John. You got me laughing hard enough to alarm my wife. She thought I was peeking at Tara Reid's frankenboob again.
Posted by: Splashman | March 08, 2006 at 10:59 PM
You were my first chuckle of the day. Thanks.
Posted by: | March 09, 2006 at 05:11 AM
Jonn:
You have a eggsellent comik mine. Thanx!
AJ (for Barbra)
Posted by: AJ Lynch | March 09, 2006 at 05:45 AM
Nise one, John. Good to see yore back enform.
(that chick cant evan spell her own daggum name write)
Posted by: Greg | March 09, 2006 at 06:35 AM
I'm laffin 2 hard 2 even think now.
Thanks a freakin' lot!
RWR
Posted by: RightWingRocker | March 09, 2006 at 06:58 AM
Mustard goes with fried baloney.
Posted by: tommy | March 09, 2006 at 07:00 AM
Say... wasn't that Garth Brooks, Halle Berry and Jennifer Anniston with Yanni?
Posted by: Retired Geezer | March 09, 2006 at 07:08 AM
Damn, but that was some mighty fine a-jokin' and a-cuttin' on Brabera Straighsahnd there, Janni.
Posted by: Jeff H | March 09, 2006 at 07:40 AM
RIFL
Posted by: AnonymousDrivel | March 09, 2006 at 07:57 AM
Glad you are back in the saddle. I really enjoy your humor. :-)
Posted by: Sergei | March 09, 2006 at 11:22 AM
Thanks.
Posted by: Michael | March 09, 2006 at 12:40 PM
LOL! Good to see you back, John!
Ken
Posted by: EveningStar | March 09, 2006 at 03:04 PM
That was wonderful. But I think it's spelled "sammich."
Posted by: Sobek | March 09, 2006 at 04:12 PM
This from a guy who can't even spell "sobik".
Posted by: John from WuzzaDem | March 09, 2006 at 04:26 PM
What a great post!!! I almost peed myself I laughed so loud. Keep upt the good work.
Posted by: RA | March 09, 2006 at 04:48 PM
Speaking of Nutz, I wonder what Yanni would do if his woman got chocolate in his peanut butter? Or if he got peanut butter in her pie hole?
Posted by: AnonymousDrivel | March 09, 2006 at 07:18 PM