Dems Tried To Stall Alito Hearings
EXCLUSIVE: Must credit WuzzaDem.
Apparently, C-Span has been editing its coverage of the Senate Judiciary Committee hearings on the Alito nomination.
Here's the tape they don't want you to see.
At this time the Chair recognizes the senator from Delaware - Senator Biden.
I'll be with you shortly.
Senator, this committe is in session, so if you're not prepared, we'll come back to you later.
Just hold on, I think I'm almost done.
I'd like to remind my good friend that we don't have time to wait for him while he...
And I'd like to remind my good friend that the American people want us - no, they demand that we take as much time as...Oh, come on! Where did that green one go??
Is the senator from New York prepared to speak with Judge Alito?
I certainly am.
The Chair recognizes Senator Schumer.
Dammit!
Good morning, Judge Alito.
Good morning, Senator.
Judge, you and I go way back, and...
We do?
All right, I suppose that might be a bit of an overstatement, but I think it's fair to say that we've been through a lot together, right?
No, not really.
Fine. Let me rephrase that. Perhaps we haven't known each other for very long, and our interaction has been somewhat limited, but I don't think there's any doubt that we've become good friends - fair enough?
Well, let's see - I went to meet with you in your office, and you were certainly friendly enough there in front of the cameras.
Exactly, so I...
But, before that, you held a press conference where you suggested that I might undo the accomplishments of people like Rosa Parks.
That's not exactly what I meant to...
And ever since then you've purposely distorted my written opinons, taken quotes out of context, suggested that I...
All right! So, maybe we're not exactly best friends.
Senator, might I suggest that you quit while you're ahead - or at least before you dig yourself any deeper.
Fine, I'll just move on to my questions. Judge, when I say angling gear, what do you think of?
I don't know - fishing pole? I don't understand what you're getting at.
No, that's not it.
I'm looking for one ten-letter word. This one's really got me stumped.
Is that a crossword puzzle??
It's not a crossword puzzle, it's the world's largest crossword puzzle, and I'm only 794 answers away from completing it.
*Sigh* Senator Feinstein?
Busy right now.
Doing what?
Writing my memoirs. Keep your pants on, I'm almost halfway done.
We can't hold this hearing up while you...
Mr. Chairman, my constituents will not stand by and watch you try to ramrod this nominee through the...Look, just fill in the blanks, I'm trying to concentrate.
The Senator from Illinois is recognized.
Thank you, Mr. Chairman. Judge Alito, I'm going to ask you to take a close look at me. Do you notice anything unusual?
No, not right offhand.
Look closer. You don't see anything out of the ordinary?
Did you get a new wig?
I don't wear a wig!
I'm sorry, I meant to say hairpiece.
I don't wear a hairpiece!
Well, what do you call it? Male scalp enhancement?
This is my real hair! I'm talking about my name. My name is missing.
I'm not following you.
Well, the little C-Span thingy is right here on my left arm, but where's the banner with my name?
Senator, we really need to move this along. Now, if you have a question for...
Mr. Chairman, you may not care that you don't have a name banner, but you have the House, the Senate, the White House, and now you're about to tip the Supreme Court in your favor. Can I at least have my name banner?? I'm the Assistant Minority Leader!
Can the folks at C-Span please give Senator Durbin his name banner so we can move on?
That's better.
Actually, I don't like that font. Have you got something in a Times New Roman?
The Chair recognizes the senior Senator from Massachusetts.
I'll be with you as soon as I finish my book.
Senator Kennedy, with all due respect...
Mr. Chairman, you may be able to intimidate the other members of this committee, but I assure you that I am not easily intimidated, so if you think...
I have a responsibility to...uh, Senator, your book is, um...
What? Oh, how did that...
Excuse me, can I make a suggestion?
Certainly.
Can you just vote, already? Something tells me I'm going to get eight thumbs-down votes no matter what I say.
Good idea, Let's go around the table - Senator Leahy.
Nope.
Durbin.
You have Arial Bold?
Feingold.
Not a chance.
Schumer.
What?
Vote?
No, that's only four letters.
Kohl.
Nah.
Biden?
SON OF A B*TCH!
Ms. Feinstein.
Her t-shirt clung to her sweaty body as her breasts heaved with each anxious breath.
That's a no. Senator Kennedy?
I'm trying to listen to Senator Feinstein!
That's a wrap, we're adjourned.
Protractor!
Well, at least the reasons for the "nays" are valid. I mean, imagine if it was all about ideology or obstructionism. Now that would be a spectacle.
Posted by: AnonymousDrivel | January 24, 2006 at 08:36 PM
LOL
That was great, Bob!
Posted by: Dodger | January 24, 2006 at 08:48 PM
I'm still laughing! Awesome, John! Thanks!
Posted by: Splashman | January 24, 2006 at 11:43 PM
"You have Arial Bold?"
-cs™
Posted by: Smitty | January 25, 2006 at 12:42 AM
"How about Comic Sans MS?"
Posted by: El Jefe | January 25, 2006 at 05:10 AM
Wingdings seems appropriate for all of them.
Posted by: seawitch | January 25, 2006 at 05:36 AM
I want my tax dollars back.
Posted by: dragonlady474 | January 25, 2006 at 06:38 AM
LOL
The Penthouse thing---awesome!
But what *really* made me laugh was the introduction of the giant crossword puzzle!
Posted by: leezard | January 25, 2006 at 07:38 AM
Well, the *campaign* contributions should be rolling in from the KosKidz and DUmmies any minute now.
Too real to be considered too funny.
Posted by: MCPO Airdale | January 25, 2006 at 07:58 AM
Damn, that was better than barbecued armadillo roadkill bought from a pickup truck alongside the highway in Texas.
Posted by: Jeff H | January 25, 2006 at 08:11 AM
I can solve a Rubik's Cube in less than two minutes. If I were a Senator, we could breeze through these things.
So there's just one more way in which I'm vastly superior to Joe Biden. But it's a pretty long list, so I don't think my Rubik's abilities will be near the top.
Posted by: Sobek | January 25, 2006 at 10:11 AM
I can't stop laughing! I don't know how you keep coming up with this stuff, John!
Ken :)
Posted by: EveningStar | January 25, 2006 at 10:28 AM
Excellent Stuff.
Posted by: RightWingDuck | January 25, 2006 at 11:58 AM
This is the funniest thing I've seen on the internet all week. Excellent job!
Posted by: ViVi | January 25, 2006 at 03:34 PM
I need a ten-letter word for "losers."
Good job, John.
Posted by: Damian G. | January 26, 2006 at 07:39 AM
Democrats is nine letters, Damian.
Posted by: tee bee | January 26, 2006 at 02:38 PM