America's #1 Game Show

I'm Bob Winkle, welcome to You Bet Someone Else's Life, where contestants can say whatever they want about the war in Iraq without worrying about the consequences.

 

 

 

Looks like our contestants are eager to get started, so let's jump right into round one. Senator John Kerry, should the United States withdraw its troops from Iraq immediately?

 

 

 

You know, Bob, just the other day I spoke with a group of my constituents, and a woman said to me, "Senator Kerry..."

 

 

 

I need a yes or no answer, Senator.

 

 

 

I understand, Bob, but the American people...

 

 

 

Time's almost up, Senator.

 

 

 

You're right Bob, time is almost up for this administration, whose failed policies...

 

 

 

Sorry, time's up. Senator Clinton, should the United States withdraw its troops from Iraq immediately?

 

 

 

I'm going to have to get back you on that, Bob.

 

 

 

Sorry, you only get one chance to answer. Congressman Murtha - should we withdraw the troops?

 

 

 

Yes.

 

 

 

Nancy Pelosi.

 

 

 

Wait - I want to change my answer to no.

 

 

 

Too late, Congressman. Nancy Pelosi - withdraw the troops?

 

 

 

Absolutely.

 

 

 

Howard Dean.

 

 

 

Unless the President says we should, in which case my answer would be no.

 

 

 

Bob, what I meant to say is that we should redeploy the troops, which may or may not be the same as withdrawing them.

 

 

 

The answer is no, we should not withdraw our troops.

 

 

 

I'm going to say no, Bob.

 

 

 

Too late, Senator. Next question...

 

 

 

I'm a veteran!

 

 

 

Good to know. Howard Dean - is the war in Iraq winnable?

 

 

 

Find out what the president thinks and then say the opposite, Howard.

 

 

 

Say yes - I mean no!

 

 

 

Say we need to do whatever is necessary to achieve the political solution desired by...

 

 

 

Oh, can it, horse-face! Howard, just say it depends.

 

 

 

Depends on what?

 

 

 

I don't know - just try to stall until 2008!

 

 

 

Talk about the town where you grew up!

 

 

 

WTF??

 

 

 

Time's almost up.

 

 

 

OK, I'll say...no!

 

 

 

Oh! You were so close - the answer is yes.

 

 

 

That's what I was going to say, Bob.

 

 

 

Bob, I think my answer was taken out of context.

 

 

 

You can't take "no" out of context.

 

 

 

Well, then it's being distorted by the press.

 

 

 

All right, it's time for our final round, the "I think what he meant to say was" round. Senator Kerry, I'm sure you're familiar with how this works.

 

 

 

I certainly am, Bob.

 

 

 

All you have to do is listen to the following quote and tell us what you think the speaker meant to say. Senator Kerry, we're showing a clip of you this week.

 

 

 

Just like old times.

 

 

 

Here we go, contestants. This is Senator Kerry on Face The Nation.

 

 

 

And there is no reason, Bob, that young American soldiers need to be going into the homes of Iraqis in the dead of night, terrorizing kids and children, you know, women, breaking sort of the customs of the--of--the historical customs, religious customs..

 

 

 

Whether you like it or not-- Iraqis should be doing that..

 

 

 

Howard Dean, you heard what Senator Kerry said - what do you think he meant to say?

 

 

 

I, uh...I think he meant to say...that, uh, that this administration has...failed the...American people?

 

 

 

Senator Clinton?

 

 

 

Have to get back to you, Bob.

 

 

 

Congressman Murtha.

 

 

 

Veteran!

 

 

 

Senator Kerry, what did you mean to say?

 

 

 

What the hell was I thinking?

 

 

 

I don't think anyone knows. That's our show for tonight, tune in next time for...

 

 

 

Wait, who won?

 

 

 

No one.

 

 

 

No one?

 

 

 

No, you're all losers.

 

 

 

Be sure to tune in next time for more You Bet Someone Else's Life.

 

Have you voted for WuzzaDem for Best New Blog today?

 

Comments

[AnonymousDrivel]

You can tell already. This will be a great show in syndication... a veritable time capsule displaying the zaniness of the stupid and irresponsible.

Let me know when the DVD ships.

[dragonlady474]

hahahaha!! Ohhh I don't think I should laugh this hard, this early. I think I hurt something.

[Splashman]

Same here -- I was laughing all the way through. Awesome!

[seawitch]

Thanks for the laugh. Another great one.

[spd rdr]

I'll have to get to you on this one John.

[spd rdr]

Uh...there was supposed to be a "back" in there somewhere. It must have been taken out of context

[Matt]

I came here to see if I should vote for you on the Weblog awards. Sure enough, I won't, not because I disagree with you, but how shallow and insincere can one blog be.
Maybe you should look at Bush,
No 9/11 comission, yes, no, yes,
but wait your cultural memory only extends about a week.
Lame Blog, no votes for you.

[Beck]

That was, as I believe it's called, The Shizzle.

[AnonymousDrivel]

But Matt... John's shallowness is unfathomably deep and his insincerity quite sincere. You'll need to visit more often to grasp the levels of his depravity. Believe me. It's truly inspired. OK, so the blog s*cks. But it s*cks best! Isn't that worth a vote?

Since you agree with the post's sentiment, might I suggest you vote FOR Wuzzadem before you vote AGAINST it?

[John from WuzzaDem]

Sorry Matt, the show's over. Maybe we'll have you back next week.

Oh, wait. I meant to say:

Come back, Matt!

Pleeease!

Just tell me what I need to say to get your vote!

[John from WuzzaDem]

AD - Easy there. Not many people know this, but I started this blog just for Matt, so I can't tell you how upset I am that he doesn't approve.

Beck - Isn't that the place that paints the phony grill marks on their steaks?

[FireFireFire]

That was the best laugh I've had since I don't know when.

Matt, you're a dick!

[beaupeep]

no votes for you

Ha ha. The Vote Nazi speaks.

[John from WuzzaDem]

Vote Nazi. Heh.

[pinky]

All right. AllBleedingRight. I am not visiting this site again until Apple makes a sneeze shield for inadvertent beer through nose syndrome. These damnable screens are somewhat dear. I will, of course, still vote for you; but for my wallet's sake, give me a warning.

[Sortelli]

Well, I was going to vote for Matt, but Jesus H Christ on a communion cracker, he went and did the old "I KNOW YOU ARE BUT WHAT AM I" thing again. What's up with lefties and that tired old line?

Matt's Mom: "Can you pass the salt, please?"
Matt: "BUT WHAT ABOUT BUSH??? HUH? HUH? CAN YOU ANSWER ME THAT?"
Matt's Mom: "Don't sass me, boy. Go to your room"
Matt: "YOU SHOULD SEND BUSH TO HIS ROOM!!!"

[Jeff H]

For this post alone, you should win Best New Blog.

{where's my check?}

[Attila (Pillage Idiot)]

Sortelli, that sounds like my 14-year-old son. Have you been eavesdropping?

[Damian G.]

"No, you're all losers."

Succinct AND bitchy!

Lovin' it!

VETERAN!!!

[spd_rdr]

Hey, Matt! I can understand that you might not want to vote for such a shallow and aimless blog as Wuzzadem. Hell, why vote at all when you can just sit on your ass and laugh at home?
But my blog, "Please Allow Me To Surrender the Last Vestiges of My Honor and Character" is getting its ass kicked in the voting for "Best of the Complete Loser Blogs" and losing to a freakin' seven year-old!!! Surely, a progressive such as yourself would have to admit that, even if I am so completely shallow and insincere as to make John Wuzzadem look like William F. Buckley (Allah Be Praised), at least I'm hitting on more important issues than "What I Did On My Snow Day." Such a wise and discerning reader as yourself should make every attempt to vote for me and John before drying up like a humorless prune and disappearing altogether from the net.

Thanks for your support, dick.

And thank you, John, for letting me link-whore. Your shit is top notch.

[muckdog]

I think all online voting clicks are being sent through a Diebold machine, John. And we all *know* what that means. whitehouse.gov wins!!!

[Brian]

No fair cribbing directly from the DNC website and it's all out of context because they used different photos and Rep. Murtha said he was a Marine Vet and everything.

But you get my vote anyway . . .

[Jeremy]

Where did the Cameron and Drew barrymore post go???

That one was hilarious!

[John from WuzzaDem]

Jeremy - TypePad is on the fritz, they're working on restoring the graphcs.