The Actor's Studio: Jared From Subway

Tonight, The Actor's Studio is proud to welcome Jared From Subway. Jared, it is an honor, indeed.

 

 

Thanks.

 

 

Jared. From. Subway. Tell me - nay, tell us - the etymology of this most intriguing and unusual name.

 

 

Actually, it's Jared Fogle.

 

 

Jared. Fogle. Subway. Tell me - nay, tell us...

 

 

No, it's just Jared Fogle. Subway isn't my name, I just do commercials for them.

 

 

Touché, sir.

 

 

I didn't mean that as a...

 

 

THE YEAR WAS 1999!

 

 

And Jared, a struggling thespian, had spent an entire year subsisting on a diet comprised almost solely of sandwiches. Jared, was the Baron Montagu of St Neots a childhood hero of yours?

 

 

I don't know who that is.

 

 

The various titles bestowed upon the Baron Montagu of St Neots included that of Viscount Hinchingbrooke and, as I'm sure you're well aware, The Earl of Sandwich.

 

 

I don't know anything about him.

 

 

Tell us whose shoes you were wearing when you accepted your first academy award.

 

 

Uh, I've never won an academy award.

 

 

DESPAIR IS YOUR ENEMY! Plumb not its depths.

 

 

I'm not despairing, I just make commercials...

 

 

Jared Fogle - heir to the Earl of Sandwich - what sound do you most despise?

 

 

Sound?

 

 

The sound you most despise is sound. Jared, I shall never forget the moment in which a new Zen parable was created on this very stage.

 

 

What's a Zen parable?

 

 

Kenneth Turan of the Los Angeles Times said of the movie Brokeback Mountain: "It's a deeply felt, emotional love story that deals with the uncharted, mysterious ways of the human heart just as so many mainstream films have before it. The two lovers here just happen to be men."

 

 

Jared Fogle, have you seen Brokeback Mountain?

 

 

No, I haven't.

 

 

Would you like to see it this weekend?

 

 

I...uh...I think I'm busy.

 

 

When Kevin Spacey was in that very chair he agreed to see Brokeback Mountain with me.

 

 

Didn't that movie just come out?

 

 

Indeed. Perhaps we saw Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.

 

 

You must admit, the two films are more similar than not.

 

 

I really don't know, because I haven't seen...

 

 

After all, whether it is love unrequited or love denied, the relationship between the two...

 

 

Can we talk about something else?

 

 

Am I making you uncomfortable?

 

 

Yes. Yes, you are.

 

 

I'd like to pause for a moment to show our students a scene from one of your earlier works.

 

 

I like them because they're low-fat.

 

 

Tell us what it's like working with your twin brother.

 

 

I don't have a twin brother. That was...

 

 

I have an advance copy, you know.

 

 

What?

 

 

Of Brokeback Mountain. I have it on DVD, so we wouldn't have to bother going to a crowded theater.

 

 

Yeah, I'm sorry, but I really have to go now.

 

 

Wait! I've yet to ask your favorite curse word!

 

 

Ladies and gentlemen of The Actor's Studio - Jared Fogle Subway.

 

Comments

[Retired Geezer]

Good interview, John.
Jared has, so far, avoided any curse-of-spokespersons scandal. Hope it lasts.

Mmmmm... Subway Veggie sandwich on Honey Oat bread.

[Sobek]

Magnificent. Jared just exudes "range."

[Damian G.]

This sort of randomness is just what I needed.

This was my favourite sketch back when SNL was tolerable.

Ah, Will Ferrell! Where art thou?!

[Elmo]

We almost lost ya there ...... gone for a couple of weeks to Wizbangville. We wuz scared. Really scared. Welcome back.

[John from WuzzaDem]

No more contests for me. I appreciated all the votes I got, but I don't like asking for them, so no more.

[Michael]

John, if you were a normal person, none of us would be here.

[ap]

fantastic!

[Jeff H]

Michael, if we were normal people, we wouldn't be here.