Mr. Stick Figure Attends the Michael Brown Hearing

...to the best of my ability.

 

 

 

 

Thank you for those remarks, Director Brown. I'd like to ask you about...

 

 

 

 

How DARE you, Representative Chris Shays of Connecticut!

 

 

 

 

How dare I what? I'm trying to get some answers about what...

 

 

 

 

Don't you know this man has recently dealt with a major disaster? Who knows how long it's been since he slept, and you want to nitpick details about who called who when and said what?

 

 

 

 

I'm not satisfied with some of the statements he's made about...

 

 

 

 

Are you saying you doubt his word? What possible reason could he have for lying?

 

 

 

 

I didn't actually say he was lying, but I do want to...

 

 

 

 

Well, your relentless attack-dog line of questioning certainly makes it appear as though you doubt Director Brown's veracity. Don't you know there's plenty of blame to go around?

 

 

 

 

Well, yes, I think there were failures at all levels - FEMA, Homeland Security, President Bush...

 

 

 

 

Oh. My. GOD! Have you forgotten that the president is from Texas?? Does the name RITA mean anything to you?

 

 

 

 

Well, we also have questions for Michael Chertoff, who certainly...

 

 

 

 

You are aware that Mr. Chertoff resides in the United States, aren't you?

 

 

 

 

What does that have to do with...

 

 

 

 

So there's a good chance that he lives no more than a few states away from the location of a recent disaster. What kind of black-hearted bastard are you, Representative ChromeDome of Connecticut?

 

 

 

 

What are you talking about?

 

 

 

 

Now you're interrogating ME? How dare you! You sit up there where your toilets are flushing and your lights are working...

 

 

 

 

What toilets?

 

 

 

 

Again with the nitpicking! Have you no decency, sir??

 

 

 

 

Look, there are a lot of people up here, why is it you're only questioning me?

 

 

 

 

Because politicians like yourself are a symptom of a much larger...Actually, I just think you're kind of a dick.

 

 

 

 

Security!

 

 

 

 

Man, Washington is a tough town.

 

Comments

[Pile On®]

When I was trying to get out of Houston last week, I kept thinking to myself, what we really need here is some direct congressional oversight. Then everything would have been all better. Those fellers would know exactly how to move 2.7 million people out of a city in 36 hours. Of that I am sure.

[AnonymousDrivel]

Mr. Figure,

It sure sounded like Shays was trying his darndest to whittle you up a new one. That pontificating pile of popuplist prattle picked the wrong stick at which to flick his nitpick. It was clear that his swipes left not even a prick. You, sir, are teflon.

[AnonymousDrivel]

Actually, in view of your sentiment, I should have concluded: "It was clear that his swipes left only a prick." But, hey, I don't want to cause trouble.

[Mr. Stick Figure]

No offense taken, Mr. Drivel.

Glad to hear you and the On® family are safe and sound, PileMasterGeneral.

[Kiki B.]

ChromeDome. ROFL. Hee hee! Snicker. I loved that! Good one, Sticky Baby.

Maybe when they rebuild the SuperDome in New New Orleans, they can call it the ChromeDome. :-)

[Matt]

I barely made it past the second Stick Figure statement. All I could hear in my head was Eric Idle saying, "Let's not go on and on talking about who killed whom..."

The reason Mr. Figure is invincible to the slings and arrows of the committee is that he's two-dimensional. All he has to do is turn sideways, and voila, invisible.