Mr. Stick Figure: INXS

Listen, Stick Figure - you know you're already a rock star, man. I don't have to tell you that.

 

 

 

 

Damned straight you don't.

 

 

 

 

Seriously, dude - you're what rock and roll is all about.

 

 

 

 

Rock on, everybody!

 

 

 

 

Wooooo!

 

 

 

 

I mean that, bro. I'm even thinking of getting a Stick Figure tattoo.

 

 

 

 

No offense, Rasputin, but it looks like the only real estate you have left is on your ass, and that's a little weird.

 

 

 

 

I think he's right, mate. The only place you've got left is your ass.

 

 

 

 

So, listen, mate. You had a little trouble with your performance last week...

 

 

 

 

Come off it, dude! I was rockin' the house until I saw my sister in the audience, then I just kind of lost it.

 

 

 

 

Sorry, bro.

 

 

 

 

If you remember, last week we talked about maybe changing your look a bit.

 

 

 

 

Yeah, about that - you know, I considered maybe growing a pencil-thin mustache and a really lame soul patch, but I decided against it because I thought I'd look like a total perv.

 

 

 

 

Perfectly understandable, mate. As far as your stage presence, we told you that you needed to loosen up a bit.

 

 

 

 

Right, right, it seems there was some reason that didn't work for me...What was it, again?

 

 

 

 

Oh, now I remember - I'm a stick figure! How the hell am I supposed to 'loosen up' when I'm made of sticks??

 

 

 

 

You know, Stick Figure, after all this time, we still don't know what's going on in here.

 

 

 

 

What does that even mean? It's like you people are speaking another language.

 

 

 

 

Hmm.

 

 

 

 

Hey, did you just flip me off? That is not cool, man.

 

 

 

 

Of course not, mate. This is my index finger.

 

 

 

 

My bad.

 

 

 

 

So, listen, bro - the band members are going to have a little chat about you right now.

 

 

 

 

No skin off my nose.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hey, can we maybe pick up the pace a little?

 

 

 

 

Well, mate, we all like you, and we think you're incredibly talented, but I'm afraid you're just not right for our band; INXS.

 

 

 

 

Yeah, that's devastating - listen, can I offer you a little constructive criticism?

 

 

 

 

Absolutely.

 

 

 

 

See, the thing is, you don't have to say 'INXS' every time you say 'our band', unless you think the people watching are total idiots.

 

 

 

 

That's good feedback, mate. Much appreciated.

 

 

 

 

I mean, who doesn't know the band's name is INXS? The show is called INXS, we're singing INXS songs, you're drinking INXS bottled water, driving around in the INXS-mobile...

 

 

 

 

Point taken.

 

 

 

 

I doubt anyone's on the edge of their seat, waiting to see if you're going to say, "Our band; The Dixie Chicks," or "Our band; The Back Street Boys," or...

 

 

 

 

Again, point taken.

 

 

 

 

It would be like me saying that I don't want to be in your band, INXS, because I think your band, INXS, sucks, and I've never really cared for your band, INXS', music...

 

 

 

 

I said point taken! Thanks again, mate, and best of luck to you.

 

 

 

 

Rock on, Stick Figure!

 

 

 

 

Whatever, Crocodile Dundee. I'm out of here.

 

 

 

 

Rock on, everybody!

More: Dry Cleaner: INXS, Burger King: INXS, Ask Mr. Stick Figure, Ask Mr. Stick Figure (Again).

Mr. Stick Figure's favorite Rock Star: INXS blogger: 21st Century Paladin

 

Comments

[robin]

Stick, you've got so much more going for you than the band ICKS, such as, great eyebrows. Work 'em, guy.

[Mr. Stick Figure]

Rock on, Robin!

[The Warden]

Great performance by Mr. Stick Figure, but a bit two dimensional. I'm afraid I need more depth.

[Mr. Stick Figure]

Everybody's a critic. You're just jealous because I'm the ultimate rocker.

[Jeff H]

Who was that hot skinny chick with the 'fro and no boobs?

[John from WuzzaDem]

Oops! Posted the wrong picture - that's a guy.

[Jeff H]

Stop toying with my affections...I can smell a...well, you know...a mile away, and that hot little number ("1", to be exact) is just soooooo deliciously model-looking.

[John from WuzzaDem]

You want his e-mail address?

[Don]

I think Stick man would rock in a band called Styx.

[Mr. Stick Figure]

Hey, it's Stick Figure, bozo, and those hacks wish they could rock as hard as I do.

[AnonymousDrivel]

Very clever shtick, Mr. Figure. When's your next show? Rock on! Down with INXS! Up with the Stones! I guess you can see where I'm going with this... ah, nevermind. Stones ain't hip. Those Paleocons are just too dated. Anyway, Wooooo! Rock on!

[Nickie Goomba]

Sorry, Sticky. You were overmatched in that showdown. Nice try, splinterdick.