WuzzaDem

Cindy Sheehan: INXS

So, Cindy, you were obviously struggling with your performance tonight.

 

 

 

How can you expect me to rock the house when George Bush and his Neo-Con puppetmasters are invading sovereign nations in an attempt to enslave...

 

 

 

Right, right, we covered that last week.

 

 

 

Besides, I wanted to sing Train Kept a'Rollin', but JD wouldn't trade songs with me.

 

 

 

Bad break, Sheila, but you have to work with the material you're given.

 

 

 

I'm a rocker - I don't do ballads!

 

 

 

You know, last week some of the other contestants were voicing concerns about the songs...

 

 

 

Hey, if they can't stand the heat, maybe they should get out of the kitchen.

 

 

 

In all fairness, they were basically saying the same thing you are, and...

 

 

 

Whatever. Those whiners get no sympathy from me.

 

 

 

Well, unfortunately, you're in the bottom three this week, and one of you will be eliminated.

 

 

 

So, now we see what your real plan is - you're going to keep eliminating contestants just because you're already eliminated contestants. This is insanity!

 

 

 

Well, that is the format. How else are we going to choose a singer from the lot of you?

 

 

 

Oh, well...uh...you could just, you know, try different things and see if, uh...I've already been asked this question before, I really don't feel like going into it again.

 

 

 

Listen, we realize you're probably still a bit upset about your son.

 

 

 

...

 

 

 

...

 

 

 

Oh, my son! Right, right, yeah, that's, uh, why I forgot that one verse.

 

 

 

Well, regardless, you are in the bottom three, and you're there because you received the lowest number of votes from the viewers who called in at the end of last night's show.

 

 

 

Gee, I wonder how many of those calls came from Israel, huh?

 

 

 

...

 

 

 

...

 

 

 

...

 

 

 

Rock on... Cindy...Sheehan?

 

 

 

Oh, you bet I'll rock on. I'll rock on against the fascist warmongering empire of Amerikkka!

 

Encores (other bloggers on the same wavelength):
Take your antibiotics!
Got any Lysol?

For a riveting recap of last night's show: Spoons

See also: Not Craw; CRAW!

UPDATE: Poll numbers don't lie! But you can always bury them.

Previous INXS posts: Mr Stick Figure: INXS, Dry Cleaner: INXS, Burger King: INXS

What's For Dessert?

Mmmm...a new flavor of the month.

It's The Chosen Ice Cream!

Now with reduced compassion and chilled dissent.

Brought to you by Ben Cohen and The Nazi Party.

UPDATE: Perfect for those experiencing rabid hunger.

Manufactured in Crawford, TX

UPDATE II: Goes great with Chianti and fava beans.

UPDATE III: Even more flavors!

UPDATE IV: I'm not sure, but I think this photo may have been altered somehow.

Cindy Sheehan's Tragical Media Tour (Updated)

Via the Sludgeraker:

Cindy Sheehan said the day after she leaves Aug. 31, she will embark on a bus tour ending up in Washington, D.C., on Sept. 24. Then the group will start a 24-hour vigil in the nation's capital. ... More Bush supporters arrived and pitched tents at the newly dubbed "Camp Reality," located in a ditch across the street from the war protesters' site along the main road leading to the president's ranch.

"People have said, `Enough is enough _ enough Bush bashing,'" said Gregg Garvey of Keystone Heights, Fla., whose 23-year-old son Justin died in Iraq in 2003. "This (protest) does not represent all of America."

I don't know what this Garvey guy's problem is - I think the whole bus tour thing sounds way cool.

Hey, maybe Cindy and her friends could paint the bus with a really bitchin' Mondrian-esque design, buy matching outfits and form a band.

That would be awesome!

 

 

Rest stops: LGF, , Emperor Misha, Confederate Yankee, Confederate Yankee.

UPDATE: Of course, the band needs an agent, right? Never fear, 'cause Joey's here!

 

Oh yeah! He's a high-profile, well-connected power player with an eye for detail, an innate sense of fashion and a taste for sweet mint tea ("Two sugars, please") - but he doesn't come cheap.

Not a problem. As Cindy's "people" say, money is no object (especially when you don't pay those pesky taxes).

And remember, it's a big bus, so there's room for everyone.

CNN: Covering The Stories That No One Else Will

Meanwhile, CNN president Jonathan Klein is interviewed by phone for an upcoming New York Times story.

 

So Fox is spending all this time covering Natalee Holloway, and they're supposed to be America's news station?

 

 

Mr. Klein?

 

 

Hold on, guys.

 

 

What is...Why are you in black and white?

 

 

I don't know - it's more comfortable.

 

 

CNN broadcasts in color. You come in like that tomorrow and you'll be lucky to get a job as a fact-checker at MSNBC.

 

 

...

 

 

That was a joke, you idiot - there's no such job. What do you want?

 

 

It's the story on gasoline prices. The research people say that prices aren't really at record highs when you adjust for inflation.

 

 

Don't we have any 'man-on-the-street' interview footage?

 

 

Sure; a guy who says he had to cancel a trip to see his sick mother because he couldn't afford the gas, and a woman who says she won't be able to buy Christmas presents for her kids if she has to keep filling up her Hummer.

 

 

Ditch the research, run the interviews.

 

 

So these clowns at Fox are covering a bunch of meaningless BS and calling it news. Any jackass can see ...

 

 

Sorry, Mr. Klein?

 

 

What?

 

 

The New York Post just released more of the Pataki tapes.

 

 

Anything good?

 

 

Well, one of his staffers calls a pizza joint and rips some guy pretty good for not putting extra cheese on a pie they delivered to the governor.

 

 

That's good stuff - let's cover it at the top of the hour.

 

 

Yes, sir! Oh, did you hear what Pat Robertson said?

 

 

Robertson? Who cares what that coot says? Nobody pays attention to him any more.

 

 

I guess you're right. Anyway, he said he thinks we should assassinate Hugo Chavez.

 

 

What?!? What's he trying to do, start a war? What did the White House say?

 

 

Some guy from State said they don't share his views.

 

 

Don't share his views? That's all they said? Move this to the top, and let's play up the 'influential member of the Religious Right' angle, talk about Bush being indebted to Christain conservatives for delivering the last election, blah blah blah, you know.

 

 

Done.

 

 

Fox is looking for drama. Not news - drama...

 

 

Mr. Klein?

 

 

This had better be good.

 

 

It's those pro-Bush protesters - they just arrived in California...

 

 

Who cares about those kooks?

 

 

It's just that there are a few anti-war people heckling them.

 

 

Why didn't you say so? Get someone out there right away.

 

 

We don't have anyone available.

 

 

What about the people we pulled from Aruba?

 

 

You sent them to Crawford - should we pull them?

 

 

Of course not, you moron. We need as many people as possible out there. Get Aaron Brown on a plane to California right away.

 

 

But, what about NewsNight with Aaron Brown?

 

 

Don't you look at ratings? No one watches that steaming pile. Now, get Brown on a plane!

 

 

Sorry, guys. Where was I? Oh, yeah, so these Fox guys are just looking for easy stories. They pick and choose what they want to...

 

 

Maybe I should see about that MSNBC job.

 

The Pataki Tapes (Part I)

The first in a series of excerpts from the extraordinary tapes, obtained and published by The New York Post, that provide a rare and shocking behind-the scenes glimpse into the sordid world of New York politics.

Doherty: Is the governor around?

Trooper: Yes, he is.

Doherty: Could you see if you could patch me through to him?

[A woman's voice is then heard, telling Doherty, "I'll find him for you."]

Pataki: Doherty.

Doherty: Governor, sorry to bother you.

Pataki: No problem.

Doherty: You've got that poker game tonight, and maybe the [garbled] you're supposed to bring food... if you could do that.

Pataki: I can do that. I'm the Governor, you know.

Doherty: I'll pick up those [garbled] sandwiches for you.

Pataki: Mmmmm. Those are yummy.

Doherty: Maybe you should give a short speech.

Pataki: Right. How about this: "Here's your sandwiches."

Doherty: That's good, but I think it should be a little more personal.

Pataki: Personal. Yeah, I like that. Oh, I know - I'll say, "Here's your sandwiches, you guys."

Doherty: That's good. That's damned good.

Pataki: Hey, let's watch the language, Doherty.

The Cindy Sheehan Interview(s)

Cindy Sheehan has become so media-savvy that she's now doing multiple interviews simultaneously.

I'm Sam Seder for The Majority Report. Joining me now here on Air America is Cindy Sheehan, whose son Casey was killed in George Bush's illegal invasion and occupation of Iraq. Welcome, Mother Sheehan.

 

 

 

Thank you, Sam.

 

 

 

Mother Sheehan, what is it you want want to say to George Bush, provided he ever agrees to take a few minutes out of his precious vacation time to meet with you?

 

 

 

I'll tell him right to his face that his ignorance, his arrogance, and his murderous foreign policies are responsible for the death of my son, thousands of other military men and women, and hundreds of thousands of innocent civilians.

 

 

 

Mrs. Sheehan, welcome to Hardball. What is it that you want to say to President Bush?

 

 

 

Chris, I simply want to discuss concerns that I have about the war, but I also want to invite him to join us in a worldwide moment of silent prayer on Friday. We‘ve invited our neighbors to join us, and George Bush is one of our neighbors.

 

 

 

Mother Sheehan, why in you opinion are we in Iraq right now? Is it just about oil and imperialism, or is there more to the story?

 

 

 

Oh, there's a lot more, Sam. "George," as I call him, betrayed the citizens of this country. He deliberately lied to trick us into a war designed to fulfill the PNAC Neo-Con agenda to benefit Israel. I guess that's the "hard work" he was talking about before the last stolen election - doing Israel's bidding so they can slaughter more innocent Palestinians while George lines the pockets of his corporate cronies.

 

 

 

What's the end game here?

 

 

 

I just want the President to be accountable for things he's said in the past, and to tell me why we went to war in Iraq.

 

 

 

What do you want to accomplish, Mother Sheehan?

 

 

 

We want our country back if we have to impeach everyone from George Bush down to the person who picks up the dog sh-t in Washington! Let George send his two little party animals to die in Iraq!

 

 

 

If the President were here, what would you ask him?

 

 

 

I'd ask him what we're trying to accomplish in Iraq.

 

 

 

What would you ask "Dear Leader" if he ever had the nerve to face you?

 

 

 

How many more innocent Iraqis are your policies going to kill before you convince them that you are better than Saddam?

 

 

 

We're here to speak out on behalf of world peace.

 

 

 

Instead of some Congress leaders showing ink-stained fingers at the SOTU address they should have held up blood soaked hands!

 

 

 

...to spread a message of love and compassion...

 

 

 

Nuclear holocaust!

 

 

 

I just want to build bridges...

 

 

 

Joooooooos!

 

 

 

Mrs. Sheehan, the Constitution says...

 

 

 

We have no Constitution! We’re the only country with no checks and balances...

 

 

 

Uh, this is Chris Matthews, Mrs. Sheehan.

 

 

 

Oh, I thought it was the Air America guy.

 

 

 

Don't worry, we can edit that out.

 

 

 

Mother Sheehan, why do you think the Bush Crime Family...

 

 

 

Sam, I'm going to have to cut this interview short, there's some nut trying to pull up one of the crosses we've planted.

 

 

 

Another redneck in his pickup truck?

 

 

 

No, this is some guy whose son was killed in Iraq, and he's upset because we wrote his son's name is on one of the crosses.

 

 

 

What's his problem?

 

 

 

He says he supports the war, his son believed in what he was doing, yada yada yada.

 

 

 

Wing-nut alert!

 

 

 

Pathetic, isn't it?

 

More from the wing-nut gallery: Conservative Cat, Urban Grind, Patterico, Texas Tattler (H/T: Nickie Goomba), Flopping Aces, College Pundit.

UPDATE: OUCH!

CENTCOM: Real War Stories

SPC. Claude Flowers of CENTCOM Public Affairs sent an e-mail asking if I would link their site, Centcom.mil, which, as SPC. Flowers points out, features "up-to-date information on what the Coalition is doing in Operation Iraqi Freedom and Operation Enduring Freedom."

Damn right I will. I can never thank these gentlemen enough:

Sgt. Willie L. Copeland III

Sgt. Willie L. Copeland III

Entangled by an ambush of more than 50 insurgents, and showered by dozens of rocket-propelled grenades, Sgt. Willie L. Copeland III didn't automatically take cover - he took charge.

Sorely outnumbered by insurgents, he led a fierce counterattack while safeguarding his Marines from heavy enemy fire, according to battlefield accounts.

For his heroic actions and bold leadership in Operation Iraqi Freedom, Copeland, team leader for 2nd Platoon, Company B, 1st Reconnaissance Battalion, received the nation's second-highest combat award - the Navy Cross - April 21 at the Camp Del Mar Boat Basin.

Sgt. Benny Alicea

Sgt. Benny Alicea

Injured by the flying fragments of an enemy grenade, a Soldier collected himself and noticed his buddies were down. He rushed to protect them, firing round after round at his attackers as bullets punced into the walls around him. If he and his friends were to live, there was nothing he could do but continue to fight alone and wait for reinforcements.

This was the situation Sgt. Benny Alicea, 2nd Battalion, 7th Infantry, 1st Cavalry Division – then Spc. Alicea – faced during a battle in Fallujah in November 2004. Alicea’s actions that day earned him the Silver Star, just one of the many awards he earned during his year in Iraq. He also received two Purple Hearts and two Army Commendation Medals – one with a V device for valor in another battle.

Sadly, I'll never have the chance to thank Lance Cpl. Aaron Austin:

"There's no place I'd rather be than here with my Marines," Austin told the Los Angeles Times two days before the firefight. "I'll always remember this time."

The Marines were searching buildings in the war-torn Jolan neighborhood when they came under attack in one of the bloodiest clashes between the U.S. military and insurgents that spring.

Austin helped evacuate the wounded and led other Marines onto a roof to operate a machine gun. When the insurgents kept advancing, he took a grenade from his vest and moved into the open for a better throwing position.

"Several enemy bullets struck Lance Cpl. Austin in the chest," said the official Marine Corps account. "Undaunted by his injury and with heroic effort, he threw his hand grenade at the enemy on the adjacent rooftop."

The grenade hit the bull's-eye and forced the insurgents to halt their attack.

When the battle was over, Marines erected a makeshift memorial to Austin in one of the buildings they had fought to defend.

God bless every one of our men and women in uniform.

Be sure to visit Centcom.mil (link and logo is located in the left sidebar). If you're a blogger, please consider linking them from your site.

More on our heroes: Andi's World, Assumption of Command (by blogger Mustang 23, who is serving in Iraq right now), the inimitable Greyhawk, of Mudville Gazette fame.

UPDATE: Today's Tampa Tribune features good news from Iraq. See the "Special Report: Iraq War Coverage" box at the top.

This Is Not a Post, OK?

Seriously, it's not.

That's why you only see those three words up there. A three-word post. Plus those words I used to explain that this is a three-word post - I mean non-post. If you add those, the total is thirteen words.

Oh, forgot about the words after the thirteen. Let's see, total those up, and you have - is it forty-four? Wait, do hyphenated words count as one word or two? Because that affects the total.

Damn, now I have more words to count. Plus those. Now there's even more!

Just forget it! This isn't a post, no matter how many words I use. Or don't use. Maybe I should just delete all these extra words, but I think there's some rule about not changing a post. Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure that only applies to posts that have already been published. I don't feel like deleting - too much trouble.

Anyway, this isn't a post, so why don't you slackers entertain each other in the comments. Or don't. I don't care.

Enough, Already

I'm sick of reading about Cindy Sheehan. Why are so many bloggers paying so much attention to her?

Actually, the commenters who complain about bloggers writing about Cindy Sheehan piss me off even more than the people writing about her. You don't like what someone's blogging about, go somewhere else.

Now that I think of it, the bloggers writing about how sick they are of other bloggers are worse yet. Why can't they just worry about their own blogs?

You know who really ticks me off? Commenters at the blogs that write about how they're sick of other bloggers writing about Cindy Sheehan. You know, the ones who tell those bloggers that they shouldn't worry about what other bloggers are doing. They've got a lot of freaking nerve. The commenters, I mean.

Yeah, those people piss me off. Get a life, already.

 

By Power Possessed (A Blog Noir Tale)

Hello, Jamie.

 

 

 

 

Hi, Teddy. Thanks for coming.

 

 

 

 

I came as soon as I got your message, doll. No, don't say anything - I know why you called, and I feel the same way, baby, and now you and me got all the time in the world.

 

 

 

 

Oh, uh, that ain't why I called, Teddy. I just need to talk.

 

 

 

 

Oh, right, sure, doll...Well, make it quick, I'm in kind of a hurry.

 

 

 

 

I think I messed up, Teddy. I think I messed up good.

 

 

 

 

What'd you do, stiff somebody?

 

 

 

 

No, it's not that...

 

 

 

 

You ice somebody?

 

 

 

 

Nothing like that Teddy, it ain't like that at all. I...I built a wall, Teddy.

 

 

 

 

Sweetheart, we all build walls - we spend our lives building walls between ourselves and our friends, our families, our responsibilities to our constituents, Senate ethics committee rules...

 

 

 

 

It ain't that kind of wall, Teddy. This was a wall between intelligence agencies. I'm afraid somebody might get hurt...

 

 

 

 

Listen, Gorelick; you shut your yap, and you keep it shut if you know what's good for you!

 

 

 

 

Can it, Ben-Veniste!

 

 

 

 

Look, Teddy - the boys at The Commission ain't happy. They're worried the broad might start shooting her mouth off, and the last thing we need is for a bunch of reporters to start nosing around.

 

 

 

 

A lot you know, wise guy. Most reporters couldn't care less if a Dem screws up. Am I right, boys?

 

 

 

 

You said it, Teddy. And even if people do get wise, most of them got real short memories, right, Bobby?

 

 

 

 

Yeah, like total amnesia, Billy boy. They'll let you get away with just about anything, eh, Teddy?

 

 

 

 

You said it, Bobby.

 

 

 

 

But, Teddy, suppose some reporter does come snooping around, asking questions?

 

 

 

 

Then you clam up, you got it? You say nothin'!

 

 

 

 

But what if I gotta say something?

 

 

 

 

Then you pull the ol' switcheroo.

 

 

 

 

The ol' switcheroo?

 

 

 

 

That's right. Here, I'll show you - you make like you're a reporter, and I'll make like I'm you.

 

 

 

 

OK, um, hey, Gorelick, what gives with this wall you built?

 

 

 

 

What are you, crackin' wise? Ain't you seen these poll numbers?

 

 

 

 

Yeah, I get it, but what poll do I talk about?

 

 

 

 

Any poll! You can always find something that looks bad in those things, see? And remember, keep talking - the longer you talk, the less time they got for follow-up questions, you got it?

 

 

 

 

Yeah, I got it.

 

 

 

 

And if that don't throw 'em off, you can always make with the waterworks.

 

 

 

 

Waterworks - you mean cry?

 

 

 

 

That's right, sister, you cry like a baby. Works every time, I tell you..

 

 

 

 

Yeah, works every time.

 

 

 

 

Dammit, Georgie! How many times have I told you the waterworks is strictly for dames?

 

 

 

 

But it worked for me, Teddy!

 

 

 

 

Sure it did - if you were tryin' to look like a dame, I'd say it worked like a charm.

 

 

 

 

But, Teddy...

 

 

 

 

Hit the bricks!

 

 

 

 

But, Teddy...

 

 

 

 

I said hit the bricks, Betsy Wetsy!

 

 

 

 

Look, toots, you got nothin' to worry about from reporters. Now bloggers, that's another story.

 

 

 

 

Bloggers, Teddy?

 

 

 

 

That's right, bloggers. If one of those weasels get a hold of you, well, you might as well change your name to mud.

 

 

 

 

But, what can they do to me, Teddy?

 

 

 

 

You wanna know what bloggers can do to you? You just take a walk down to Whitey's Bar any night, and you ask the man at the end of the bar - he'll tell you all about it. But I'm warnin' you, it ain't a pretty story. I gotta go, doll, I'll see you around.

 

 

 

 

 

Sure, Teddy, I'll see you around. Thanks for stopping by.

 

 

 

 

Hmm. I wonder who the man at Whitey's Bar is.

 

 

 

 

I'll show those bloggers, as soon as I work up the courage. Whitey, another round!

 

More: The Right Place. A Blog For All, The MaryHunter, The Jawa Report.

 

UPDATE: Anyone care to connect the dots? Anyone?

Mr. Stick Figure: INXS

Listen, Stick Figure - you know you're already a rock star, man. I don't have to tell you that.

 

 

 

 

Damned straight you don't.

 

 

 

 

Seriously, dude - you're what rock and roll is all about.

 

 

 

 

Rock on, everybody!

 

 

 

 

Wooooo!

 

 

 

 

I mean that, bro. I'm even thinking of getting a Stick Figure tattoo.

 

 

 

 

No offense, Rasputin, but it looks like the only real estate you have left is on your ass, and that's a little weird.

 

 

 

 

I think he's right, mate. The only place you've got left is your ass.

 

 

 

 

So, listen, mate. You had a little trouble with your performance last week...

 

 

 

 

Come off it, dude! I was rockin' the house until I saw my sister in the audience, then I just kind of lost it.

 

 

 

 

Sorry, bro.

 

 

 

 

If you remember, last week we talked about maybe changing your look a bit.

 

 

 

 

Yeah, about that - you know, I considered maybe growing a pencil-thin mustache and a really lame soul patch, but I decided against it because I thought I'd look like a total perv.

 

 

 

 

Perfectly understandable, mate. As far as your stage presence, we told you that you needed to loosen up a bit.

 

 

 

 

Right, right, it seems there was some reason that didn't work for me...What was it, again?

 

 

 

 

Oh, now I remember - I'm a stick figure! How the hell am I supposed to 'loosen up' when I'm made of sticks??

 

 

 

 

You know, Stick Figure, after all this time, we still don't know what's going on in here.

 

 

 

 

What does that even mean? It's like you people are speaking another language.

 

 

 

 

Hmm.

 

 

 

 

Hey, did you just flip me off? That is not cool, man.

 

 

 

 

Of course not, mate. This is my index finger.

 

 

 

 

My bad.

 

 

 

 

So, listen, bro - the band members are going to have a little chat about you right now.

 

 

 

 

No skin off my nose.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hey, can we maybe pick up the pace a little?

 

 

 

 

Well, mate, we all like you, and we think you're incredibly talented, but I'm afraid you're just not right for our band; INXS.

 

 

 

 

Yeah, that's devastating - listen, can I offer you a little constructive criticism?

 

 

 

 

Absolutely.

 

 

 

 

See, the thing is, you don't have to say 'INXS' every time you say 'our band', unless you think the people watching are total idiots.

 

 

 

 

That's good feedback, mate. Much appreciated.

 

 

 

 

I mean, who doesn't know the band's name is INXS? The show is called INXS, we're singing INXS songs, you're drinking INXS bottled water, driving around in the INXS-mobile...

 

 

 

 

Point taken.

 

 

 

 

I doubt anyone's on the edge of their seat, waiting to see if you're going to say, "Our band; The Dixie Chicks," or "Our band; The Back Street Boys," or...

 

 

 

 

Again, point taken.

 

 

 

 

It would be like me saying that I don't want to be in your band, INXS, because I think your band, INXS, sucks, and I've never really cared for your band, INXS', music...

 

 

 

 

I said point taken! Thanks again, mate, and best of luck to you.

 

 

 

 

Rock on, Stick Figure!

 

 

 

 

Whatever, Crocodile Dundee. I'm out of here.

 

 

 

 

Rock on, everybody!

More: Dry Cleaner: INXS, Burger King: INXS, Ask Mr. Stick Figure, Ask Mr. Stick Figure (Again).

Mr. Stick Figure's favorite Rock Star: INXS blogger: 21st Century Paladin

 

Mick Jagger: Not a Political Analyst, But He Plays One On Stage

Are you ready to rock and roll?

 

 

 

 

WOOOOOOOO!

 

 

 

 

We're going to do something a bit different tonight.

 

 

 

 

Wooooo!

 

 

 

 

You've probably heard that our next album is going to be a little more political, so we've revamped some of our old stuff to be a bit more topical.

 

 

 

 

Woo...?

 

 

 

 

He's joking, right?

 

 

 

 

ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR!

 

 

 

 

Later...

 

 

 

 

 

Chuck Schumer!

 

 

 

 

You legislate so good...

 

 

 

 

Chuck Schumer!

 

 

 

 

Just like a Senator should.

 

 

 

 

I think I like the original version better.

 

 

 

 

Later...

 

 

 

 

I know
Bush is waging an illegal war
And I don't like it

 

 

 

 

I wish they'd just do Sympathy For The Devil.

 

 

 

 

Please allow me to introduce myself...

 

 

 

 

All right!!

 

 

 

 

I'm a threat to Roe v. Wade...

 

 

 

 

That's it. I'm out of here.

 

 

Encore: Are You Conservative?, The Therapist, Slublog.

 

UPDATE: Welcome, Instapundit readers (thanks, Ann). You might also enjoy:

John Roberts' Confirmation Hearings

Al Bore TV Is On The Air

If you watch Rock Star: INXS, be sure to check out Dry Cleaner: INXS

Hate Microsoft? Love them? Take a look at Return of Clippy

UPDATE II: Point Five scored an exclusive interview with Mick. Hmm, I thought he said he wasn't going to comment on this any more. Must have slipped his mind.

Best Episode of CSI Ever...

 

Is right here.

Love the wardrobe change toward the end.

Dennys: A Hotbed of Political Scandals

Are you ready to order, gentlemen?

 

 

 

I think so. I'm going to have breakfast...

 

 

 

Oh, come on, now, Bobby. It's almost 2:00, man, nobody eats breakfast this late.

 

 

 

I can eat breakfast any time I want. I've heard very good things about the Grand Slams, particularly the Original Grand Slam...

 

 

 

Grand slam? That's just a fancy name for a bunch of pancakes and eggs, man. You know, down home we didn't need all them fancy names. If we wanted pancakes and eggs, why, we'd just say 'Gimme some of them pancakes and eggs, and make sure you..."

 

 

 

Would you please allow me to finish a sentence? You know, on second thought, I might go for one of these skillet breakfasts, I hear they're very good.

 

 

 

That ain't no skillet! All that is is some eggs in a puny little dish with a handle on it. You wanna see a skillet, you should see what my mama used to cook with. Now that was a...

 

 

 

James, do you mind?

 

 

 

I'm just sayin', they gonna give you a dolla' worth of eggs and charge you five dollas just 'cause it's in that little 'skillet' doohickey.

 

 

 

Well, that's my business, not yours. I don't need your input on something as...

 

 

 

Fine, you just go on ahead and throw your money away. I always heard you conservatives were good with money, but I guess...

 

 

 

Would you just let me order??? I know you don't want to wait your turn, but I intend to order my meal, and I...

 

 

 

He's gotta talk tough, like he knows his breakfast, you know?

 

 

 

I just want to get my Grand Slam...

 

 

 

I thought you was gonna get a skillet.

 

 

 

Whatever! I would just like you to be quiet for one...

 

 

 

See, he's gotta impress them right-wing restaurant critics at The Wall Street Journal, you know. You show 'em you're tough, Bobby!

 

 

 

Well, I think that's bullsh**, and I hate that.

 

 

 

Do you, uhh, want some more coffee?

 

 

 

No, just let it go.

 

 

 

OK, well I can...

 

 

 

Forget it, I'm leaving!

 

 

 

...

 

 

 

Just bring me one o'them hamburgers, all right, sweetie? And I want them big ol' thick fries with it.

 

 

 

Sure thing.

 

 

 

Will there be anything else, sir?

 

 

 

No, no, I'm done, thank you.

 

 

 

OK, let me just get your check.

 

 

 

Just a second - my what?

 

 

 

The check. For your meal.

 

 

 

Why are you bringing me a check? What's going on here?

 

 

 

So you can, you know, pay.

 

 

 

Are you nuts? Evan was supposed to pay for this.

 

 

 

You mean the man you were eating with earlier?

 

 

 

Yes, Evan Cohen. He invited me here for dinner.

 

 

 

But he left about 30 minutes ago, sir.

 

 

 

Why didn't you give him the check before he left?

 

 

 

No one told me he was supposed to pay. He just walked out, I thought maybe he was coming back.

 

 

 

Well, it's certainly not my fault he ran some scam on you.

 

 

 

Sir, someone has to pay for...

 

 

 

Excuse me, I'm the manager - is there a problem here?

 

 

 

Could you please keep your voice down? I don't want to attract any attention. This woman is asking me to pay someone else's bill.

 

 

 

You didn't eat any of this food, sir?

 

 

 

Well, not all of it.

 

 

 

You can go, Cindy. I'll handle this.

 

 

 

Is everything OK, here, Ms. Sheehan?

 

 

 

Are you kidding? This is the worst meal I've choked down in my life. The salad is wilted, the potato is undercooked, the meat loaf is dry, and it all tastes like crap!

 

 

 

I don't understand - just five minutes ago you said it was the best meat loaf you'd ever tasted.

 

 

 

Did you hear what I just said? Do you care at all about the concerns of your customers? This is just a joke to you, isn't it?

 

 

 

No, of course not, I...

 

 

 

Sure, it's just a party as far as you're concerned. Who cares if I'm practically choking on this piece of cardboard you call meat loaf, right?

 

 

 

I'm sorry, it's just that...

 

 

 

Can't you see I'm trying to eat?

 

 

 

Right, sorry.

 

 

 

Are we ready to order here?

 

 

 

I'm afraid there must be some mistake, here. According to this menu, the price of the Moons Over My Hammy is $5.29.

 

 

 

No, that's the correct price.

 

 

 

We demand to see the menu you give to white people!

 

 

 

Why, that is highway robbery! Who is responsible for setting these prices?

 

 

 

I don't know. The people in the corporate office, I guess.

 

 

 

They should be locked up! They are all criminals and they are all thieves!

 

 

 

Because of the price of the Moons Over My Hammy?

 

 

 

It's much deeper than that, young lady. These people are no more than black tyrants!

 

 

 

House Negroes, every one of them!

 

 

 

I'm not even sure they're black.

 

 

 

Jews! I might have known!

 

 

 

Nazis!

 

 

 

Jews working for Nazis!

 

 

 

They shot and missed when they started charging extra for curly fries. They shot and missed when they stopped serving thousand island dressing. They shot and missed when they denied our right to susbstitute home fries for hash browns!

 

 

 

This is, without a doubt, the most dishonest, ungodly, unspiritual family-oriented eating establishment that ever existed in the history of the planet!

 

 

 

And the food sucks, too!

 

 

 

What does any of this have to do with the Moons Over My Hammy?

 

 

 

I believe it was Jefferson who once said "Breakfast should be quick, but it should taste good."

 

 

 

Actually, I think that was Jack.

 

 

 

Of course. Jack Kennedy, one of this country's greatest presidents. A man for whom...

 

 

 

No, that Jack dude from Jack in the Box.

 

 

 

The corporate office of Denny's is ruled by the Bush mentality, where crony capitalism reigns supreme!

 

 

 

Race baiters and discriminators may go underground, but they never move out of town!

 

 

 

Oh, why do we cause Mother Earth so much pain as Father God watches?

 

 

 

I think I'd better get the manager.

 

 

 

Another house Negro!

 

 

 

A black tyrant!

 

 

 

He's not black!

 

 

 

Another Jew!

 

 

 

I've got to see if Coco's is hiring.

 

Dessert: Pundit Guy, Michelle Malkin, more Malkin, even more Malkin, Jawa Report, Crosswalk.com, CNS News, Captains Quarters, Confederate Yankee, Cam Edwards.

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If it weren't for beer, I wouldn't have met my current squeeze.

 

 

I like whazzizname, cuz he's always got, uhhh....

 

 

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Oh yeah - beer!

 

 

 

Most of the guys I go out with drink a lot of beer. Needless to say, I keep the fridge stocked.

 

 

I think beer brings out my maternal instincts. I mean, there's just something about a guy who burps a lot, has a pot belly, and a faint odor of vomit on his breath.

 

 

My wife used to be a real pain in the ass. Once I started drinking a lot of beer, she packed up the kids and moved out of state. Wait - I think she might have left one of them. I should probably check on that.

 

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DU: Hackett Victory(?) Celebration

Progressive_Conscience (1,000+ posts)
Has everyone heard the results of the Hackett race? I'm so excited!!!


Young_Anarchist (548 posts)
Paul Hackett won? That's great!

Progressive_Conscience (1,000+ posts)
No, he lost, but he only lost by 4%! You know what this means for 2006, don't you?

Young_Anarchist (548 posts)
That we're going to lose in 2006?

Progressive_Conscience (1,000+ posts)
No, you idiot! It means we're going to win, and we're going to win big!

Regime_ChangeUSA (1,000+ posts)
Man, I bet the rethugs are sh*tting bricks over this win!

Kucinich4Pres (875 posts)
It's like Christmas came early!

Regime_ChangeUSA (1,000+ posts)
Hey, why not just say "F**k Kwanzaa and Ramadan"?

Kucinich4Pres (875 posts)
Sorry - habit.

Proletariat_Guy (1,000+ posts)
Great news, everyone. I just did a little math, and with any luck the death toll in Iraq will overtake the number of 9/11 deaths before the '08 election.

Progressive_Conscience (1,000+ posts)
You're in the wrong thread. You want "Good News From Iraq."

Proletariat_Guy (1,000+ posts)
Oh, thanks.

Young_Anarchist (548 posts)
I don't understand. How does Hackett losing the election translate to us winning in 2006?

Regime_ChangeUSA (1,000+ posts)
You know what did it? It was Hackett calling shrub a 'son of a bitch'. It's time to follow Howard Dean's lead and heat up the rhetoric, people.

Progressive_Conscience (1,000+ posts)
Don't forget, the guy was a veteran, too. All we need to do is find more Democratic veterans who are willing to put chimp down in public and we can't lose.

Kucinich4Pres (875 posts)
I haven't been this excited since Kucinich presented his plan for a 'Department of Peace'.

Positive_Femergy (994 posts)
If we're only going to run veterans, how are we going to get women into office?

Progressive_Conscience (1,000+ posts)
Who cares? The important thing is for us to win.

Positive_Femergy (994 posts)
Did you just say 'who cares'? You sound like some red-state, misogynist caveman!

Regime_ChangeUSA (1,000+ posts)
Come on, everyone, this is no time to fight. Let's all think nothing but positive thoughts so we can run those disgusting repukes out of town on rails.

Young_Anarchist (548 posts)
Wait a minute - isn't Hackett the guy who ran that ad saying he supported the Iraq war?

Progressive_Conscience (1,000+ posts)
Come on, dude. He didn't actually say he supported the war. The ad was worded very carefully so that some people would think he supported the war, but he could still trash shrub and say that he supported the troops, but not the illegal war.

Regime_ChangeUSA (1,000+ posts)
This proves what I've been saying all along - people want real progressive candidates, not the DINOs we had running for president in 2004.

Kucinich4Pres (875 posts)
Except Kucinich - he's no DINO!

Progressive_Conscience (1,000+ posts)
Kucinich can blow me! We need a Department of Revolution, not a Department of Peace.

Young_Anarchist (548 posts)
Why would Hackett have to act like a conservative if people really want a progressive candidate?

Kucinich4Pres (875 posts)
Why would you say something like that about Kucinich?

Positive_Femergy (994 posts)
How can you say it's not important to have female progressives running for office?

Young_Anarchist (548 posts)
I still don't understand how this guy losing means we're going to win in 2006.

Progressive_Conscience (1,000+ posts)
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE??? I started this thread to celebrate today's loss, and you're acting like a bunch of losers.

Regime_ChangeUSA (1,000+ posts)
PC is right. What we should be doing is putting together some solid strategies that will help us replicate today's results in every single district.

Young_Anarchist (548 posts)
You want to replicate a loss?

Progressive_Conscience (1,000+ posts)
F**k this. I'm going over to Kos.

Regime_ChangeUSA (1,000+ posts)
Me too. Now, those guys know how to celebrate a loss.

 

What Gives?

Weren't you supposed to post something here last night?

Slackers.

UPDATE: Sorry, looks like I was supposed to post.

UPDATE II: You're still slackers.

UPDATE III: Most of you, anyway.

UPDATE IV: STOP TAUNTING ME!!!

UPDATE V: AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

UPDATE VI: Since some people are a bit lazy today (not pointing any fingers), you should check out tee bee's site. She' got science, politics - something for everyone.

Well, go already!

Bore TV Is On The Air!

I want to welcome everyone to the debut broadcast of Current - a hip, tech-savvy, new kind of television experience that's going to take TV to the next level.

 

 

 

Now, I said I was going to be strictly behind the scenes here, but I wanted to spend just a little time with you on this first day to give you an idea of the kind of cutting-edge programs and features you'll be seeing here every day on Current.

 

 

 

First, let's check in with Mort Zollard in programming. Now, he's gonna tell us about some of the exciting things we'll be seeing here in the next few weeks, so hang on to your seats. Mort, are you there?

 

 

 

I'm here, Al.

 

 

 

Mort, can you tell our viewers about some of the things we have planned for them in the next few weeks here at Current?

 

 

 

No, I can't.

 

 

 

Why not?

 

 

 

We had a reorg here, I'm in HR now.

 

 

 

OK, well...uhhh...I bet you're doing some exciting things there!

 

 

 

Are you kiddin'? This job's like watching paint dry, and I'm working for Jim Raleigh now. The guy's a grade A putz. You know what that ass...

 

 

 

Hey, thanks for talking with us, Mort. Let's spend some time with someone from one of my favorite departments; information technology. Dave Seeger, are you there?

 

 

 

I am indeed, Al.

 

 

 

Dave, tell us what it's like there in the technical hub of Current, surrounded by cutting-edge, high-tech equipment.

 

 

 

Actually, all that stuff is off-site at another location.

 

 

 

Oh...well, what's that computer in front of you?

 

 

 

That's my laptop. I'm just paying a few bills online.

 

 

 

Wow. Let's just take a moment to think about that - paying bills online.

 

 

 

...

 

 

 

Dave, most of our viewers know that we have our own blog here at Current, but not many people know that we have a hidden camera in the room with our blogger, Terry Ballard. Let's take a look and see what Terry's up to right now.

 

 

 

Come on! There must be something I can say to make this train wreck sound interesting.

 

 

 

Looks like Terry's busy, so why don't we just stay out of his way. I want to welcome a very special guest now, you know her as The First Lady of the Press; Helen Thomas. Helen, thanks for being here with me today.

 

 

 

You're very welcome, Al - or should I say Mr. President?

 

 

 

Now, Helen, you know that I'm not technically the President.

 

 

 

I know, but a girl can dream.

 

 

 

Helen, you had a bit of a problem with a reporter here recently, can you tell me about that?

 

 

 

Oh, it's no big deal. I was talking to my friend, Albert Eisele...

 

 

 

Mmmhmmm...

 

 

 

And I told him off the record that if Dick Cheney ran for President...

 

 

 

Uhhhuuhhh...

 

 

 

...that I would kill myself.

 

 

 

Hmmmm

 

 

 

Like I said, I thought we were talking off the record, but the next thing I knew it was all over the news.

 

 

 

So...he lied to you?

 

 

 

Well, I wouldn't say he lied, he just...

 

 

 

Oh, yes he did, Helen. He lied to you!

 

 

 

I guess he did lie to me.

 

 

 

He betrayed you!

 

 

 

He did betray me, didn't he?

 

 

 

How DARE he!

 

 

 

How dare he!

 

 

 

He made a BIG OL' ASS outta you, Helen!

 

 

 

Why, that son of a...Al?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Al?

 

 

 

I'm here, Helen. Listen, I want to thank you for joining us, and for sharing that story with our viewers.

 

 

 

Viewers??? You didn't tell me we were on the air!

 

 

 

Now, before we go, I'd like to close with a short description of how the Internet - or as I call it, the information superhighway - works. You see, many years ago I had an idea...

 

 

 

We are experiencing technical difficulties. Current should be back on the air in, oh...a couple of hours or so.