WuzzaDem: Dennys: A Hotbed of Political Scandals

Are you ready to order, gentlemen?

I think so. I'm going to have breakfast...

Oh, come on, now, Bobby. It's almost 2:00, man, nobody eats breakfast this late.

I can eat breakfast any time I want. I've heard very good things about the Grand Slams, particularly the Original Grand Slam...

Grand slam? That's just a fancy name for a bunch of pancakes and eggs, man. You know, down home we didn't need all them fancy names. If we wanted pancakes and eggs, why, we'd just say 'Gimme some of them pancakes and eggs, and make sure you..."

Would you please allow me to finish a sentence? You know, on second thought, I might go for one of these skillet breakfasts, I hear they're very good.

That ain't no skillet! All that is is some eggs in a puny little dish with a handle on it. You wanna see a skillet, you should see what my mama used to cook with. Now that was a...

James, do you mind?

I'm just sayin', they gonna give you a dolla' worth of eggs and charge you five dollas just 'cause it's in that little 'skillet' doohickey.

Well, that's my business, not yours. I don't need your input on something as...

Fine, you just go on ahead and throw your money away. I always heard you conservatives were good with money, but I guess...

Would you just let me order??? I know you don't want to wait your turn, but I intend to order my meal, and I...

He's gotta talk tough, like he knows his breakfast, you know?

I just want to get my Grand Slam...

I thought you was gonna get a skillet.

Whatever! I would just like you to be quiet for one...

See, he's gotta impress them right-wing restaurant critics at The Wall Street Journal, you know. You show 'em you're tough, Bobby!

Well, I think that's bullsh**, and I hate that.

Do you, uhh, want some more coffee?

No, just let it go.

OK, well I can...

Forget it, I'm leaving!

...

Just bring me one o'them hamburgers, all right, sweetie? And I want them big ol' thick fries with it.

Sure thing.

Will there be anything else, sir?

No, no, I'm done, thank you.

OK, let me just get your check.

Just a second - my what?

The check. For your meal.

Why are you bringing me a check? What's going on here?

So you can, you know, pay.

Are you nuts? Evan was supposed to pay for this.

You mean the man you were eating with earlier?

Yes, Evan Cohen. He invited me here for dinner.

But he left about 30 minutes ago, sir.

Why didn't you give him the check before he left?

No one told me he was supposed to pay. He just walked out, I thought maybe he was coming back.

Well, it's certainly not my fault he ran some scam on you.

Sir, someone has to pay for...

Excuse me, I'm the manager - is there a problem here?

Could you please keep your voice down? I don't want to attract any attention. This woman is asking me to pay someone else's bill.

You didn't eat any of this food, sir?

Well, not all of it.

You can go, Cindy. I'll handle this.

Is everything OK, here, Ms. Sheehan?

Are you kidding? This is the worst meal I've choked down in my life. The salad is wilted, the potato is undercooked, the meat loaf is dry, and it all tastes like crap!

I don't understand - just five minutes ago you said it was the best meat loaf you'd ever tasted.

Did you hear what I just said? Do you care at all about the concerns of your customers? This is just a joke to you, isn't it?

No, of course not, I...

Sure, it's just a party as far as you're concerned. Who cares if I'm practically choking on this piece of cardboard you call meat loaf, right?

I'm sorry, it's just that...

Can't you see I'm trying to eat?

Right, sorry.

Are we ready to order here?

I'm afraid there must be some mistake, here. According to this menu, the price of the Moons Over My Hammy is $5.29.

No, that's the correct price.

We demand to see the menu you give to white people!

Why, that is highway robbery! Who is responsible for setting these prices?

I don't know. The people in the corporate office, I guess.

They should be locked up! They are all criminals and they are all thieves!

Because of the price of the Moons Over My Hammy?

It's much deeper than that, young lady. These people are no more than black tyrants!

House Negroes, every one of them!

I'm not even sure they're black.

Jews! I might have known!

Nazis!

Jews working for Nazis!

They shot and missed when they started charging extra for curly fries. They shot and missed when they stopped serving thousand island dressing. They shot and missed when they denied our right to susbstitute home fries for hash browns!

This is, without a doubt, the most dishonest, ungodly, unspiritual family-oriented eating establishment that ever existed in the history of the planet!