Fox News Reporters Have More Fun

We interrupt this program for a Fox News Special Alert

 

 

Good evening ladies and gentlemen, I'm Page Hopkins with the latest on the situation in Aruba. As of this moment it appears that there is no new information to report, so let's go to Laurie Dhue for the latest details on this lack of developments.

 

 

Thanks Page, we have...

 

 

Hey, I apologize Jane, I thought Laurie was going to be doing this segment.

 

 

I am Laurie.

 

 

Oh. Sorry, for a second I thought you were Jane Skinner.

 

 

Hey, I'll take that as a compliment. So as I was saying, we have been able to confirm through multiple sources that there is in fact no new information to report, and as usual our own Greta van Susteren has the details.

 

 

Thanks Juliet, tonight we're...

 

 

It's Laurie.

 

 

What?

 

 

You called me Juliet. It's Laurie Dhue, I think you have me mixed up with Juliet Huddy.

 

 

Gosh, I'm sorry, Laurie.

 

 

I'm Juliet Huddy.

 

 

Right, I don't know how I could have made that mistake.
Folks we're live from Aruba once again, and tonight I'll take you on a tour of the alley behind the bar at the center of this controversy, where you'll see a dried puddle of what appears to be vomit. Could this be the vomit of a villiain or is it just the upchuck of an innocent bystander? Find out tonight when we go On The Record.

 

 

Thanks for that update, Greta.

 

 

Sure thing, Jennifer.

 

 

It's Page Hopkins, Greta.

 

 

Wow, I could have sworn for a second you were Jennifer Eccleston - my bad.

 

 

Actually Greta, I'm Jennifer Eccleston.

 

 

Aren't you Jane Skinner?

 

 

No, I'm...Oh wait, you're right. Sorry, that's the third time this week I've done that.

 

 

No problem Jen -- I mean Jane. And now with the weather, here's...is that Martha McCallum?

 

 

No, it's Janice Dean.

 

 

Damn! I was close.

 

 

What do you mean close? We've been working together for three years and you still don't recognize me?

 

 

Oh, come on, Bridget, you have to admit that you and she do look a lot alike.

 

 

Janice!

 

 

No, I'm Page.

 

 

No, you just called me Bridget. Who the hell is Bridget, anyway?

 

 

Isn't there a Bridget that works here? Tall, blonde, wears a lot of lipstick?

 

 

I have no idea. Let's ask Megyn Kendall - Megyn, is there a Bridget that works here?

 

 

I'm not Megyn Kendall, I'm Martha McCallum.

 

 

Good one Megyn!

 

 

I'm not kidding - I'm not Megyn, I'm Martha!

 

 

Wow, you and Megyn could be sisters. Don't you think so, Linda?

 

 

For the last time - I'm not Linda Vester, I'm Lis Wiehl.

 

 

Right, sorry. It's just that your, uh...your names sound alike.

 

 

I was just saying the same thing to Alisyn Camerota yesterday, remember Alisyn?

 

 

No, what I remember of our conversation yesterday was me telling you for the umpteenth time that my name is Linda Vester.

 

 

Lighten up, will you? I'm sure Caludia gets the two of you confused, don't you Claudia?

 

 

I'm Alisyn Camerota!

 

 

Hey, it was an honest mistake, no need to lose your cool. I'm just going to throw it to Molly Hennenberg - Molly?

 

 

Well I guess you could if Molly were here.

 

 

Oh, right. Sorry, uh...uh...

 

 

Brigitte Quinn! It's Brigitte Quinn! You see me every freaking day!

 

 

I knew there was a Bridget here somewhere! That's it for this special report - and now, a special holiday wish from our own Uma Pemmaraju.

 

 

Thank you Page, and indeed we do want to extend a very special thanks to all of our viewers on this fourth of July...

 

 

Uma, something seems different about you, what is it?

 

 

I don't know. I got a new jacket, maybe that's it.

 

 

Well it looks great, you're going to have to tell me where you got it. Good night everyone, and thanks for tuning in to Fox News.

 

UPDATE: Have you heard this famous blonde is retiring?

MSNBC fans might enjoy Chris Matthews' interview with Jed Clampett.

If you're a Fox watcher, you might prefer Bill O'Reilly's Yoda interview.

Or The IHOP Factor.

Comments

[Don]

Why no pictures of Fox & Freinds E.D. Donahay-Hill? Do you have something against blonds?

[KJ]

Wow. I didn't realize they had that many people reading news at Fox News. I used to think, wow, that poor blonde chick sure works a bunch of hours. Who knew they were all different people.

[lauraw]

My husband has a crush on Kirin Chetry, one of the few brunette Fox Newsbabes.
He thinks she is one of the most beautiful women on TV. He stares dreamily at her face, he ogles her legs.
It is SO frickin annoying, but at least he doesn't have the hots for some generic blonde.

Oh, and he thinks Uma Pemmaraju looks like a lemur when she does that eye thing.

[Jeff H]

Juliet Huddy.

Mmmmmmmm...

What were we talking about? That $50 I owe you? Sure thing.

[Pile On®]

Projectile Puddle!!

What is that all about? I dunno cause I haven't watched Fox at that hour since they traded Paula Zahn for Regreta.

[Pile On®]

Projectile Puddle!!

What is that all about? I dunno cause I haven't watched Fox at that hour since they traded Paula Zahn for Regreta.

[bird of paridise]

And CNN(Comminist News Network)is wondering why FOX NEWS has beaten it out for the news and information it looks like the FOX and nipped the WOLF blitzer in the rear

[Neddy]

Where is E.D.? Why did you leave her out? She is the best! Boy .. you must sleep in late!

[rbj]

Man, I had to stop reading half way through. Didn't want to be the idiot at work who starts laughing out loud for no apparent reason. And did Fox go down to Wal-Mart and clean them out of hot blonde chick news readers, er, reporters?

[Mark at WitNit]

Babes from Toyland!

[Nell]

I remember a time when women who wanted to be taken seriously quickly dyed their hair brown. Long, fluffy blonde hair disappeared for a couple years. Women didn't want to be mistaken for one another. It was after that Elizabeth Hay .... thing .... Wilbur Ray? You know, the woman who couldn't type, the Congressman boyfriend, and all the fun goings on in his office. Elizabeth Ray and Congressman ?Wilbur? Hays Oh well, anyways, I still have residue bleach block from the that time .... I was a hot blonde babe also. Ah, nostalgia, the good old days of non pay TV, TV antenna and righteous anchormen.

[Nell]

Ooops, sorry about the double posting. Bleach block, you know. Speaking of you know, you know, we even had better scandals in the old days. Not much doing with money and greed ... no, no, it was all about S-E-X. The capital steps, the Tidal Basin, Monkey Business, and Rather having the question put to him: 'What's the frequency Kenneth?' Ah, for a return to the good all days.

[Clyde]

Not very subtle, dissing the newest FNB--Gretchen Carlson--by leaving her out. Guess she just hasn't reached ubiquity level yet.

Now I dare you to correctly identify each of these guys in a line-up:

[Rick Folbaum | Greg Jarrett | John Scott | Bob Sellers]

[Feisty]

Hmmmm....Laurie Dhue. Only six-foot tall blondes can handle THIS.

[Preston Taylor Holmes]

Inspired!

[KJ]

I read it again, and still find it funny. What staying power.

[Gruntwilligar T. Honkenoffski]

Why don't they send some Penguins? Penguins are the source of much happines and joy!

Gruntie

[Guy S.]

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm blondes

But are they *really* blonde? Must get to the root of the problem...and this also explains Shepard Smith's constant glazed eyes, and errors in reading copy.....the boy's pooped, used up, kerphlunked!

[Mr. Tea Cruise]

I think I'm in lust with the 0verst0ck.com gurl Sabina whhats-er-name. R-U Glib Matt? Huh... Punk--do ya feel lucky? Only masturfull Klint Eastwoods knows the truth!
Brook Shields is no Natlaie Portman! Not all Psychs are evil! Some are HOT! She can psycoanalyze me anythyme! Matt and his Evel ways will pay the price, does he think he's a Kenivel? He can't ride motorcycles like I can.

[Brian Mora]

Hey bud, nice play-by-play of all the Fox News Channel news hotties. As someone who would sooner vote for Charles Manson than for any Democrat I must say you have done a brilliant job no matter what your beliefs are.

Where is the bio on Megyn Kendal?

[joey]

Whoops, Where is the bio on Megyn Kendal? Thanx

[lemmy]

Martha McCallum is a babe.

[gow]

Holiday Tree:
Let me see:
It’s not a Thanksgiving tree, nor a Chanukah tree.
It's certainly not a Veteran’s day tree,
nor a Kwanzaa tree,
nor any other religious or even non-religious tree.
Hmm: But it is a Christmas tree.
Oh, I get it, when they say have a happy holiday, the mean have a happy Christmas day.
Now, you know, that’s really nice,
even the atheist are saying it, may GOD bless them.

Christmas == Holiday

So have a merry Holiday!

[Guillermo]

Veo cada día la FOX desde Madrid (Spain) solo para ver la profesionalidad y belleza de Martha McCallum

[mik]

i wanna see rick folbaum naked! he's spunky

[CArol Shively Trobee]

I saw Caroline (Carolyn) Shively on a report on Fox news this past week. My maiden name was Carol Shively. I would like to see a picture of Caroline and if possible some correspondance.

[jeff]

Hello; anyone know julie banderas biography? dob; pob; high school; college?

[Fritzworth]

I still think this is one of the funniest pieces that you've done. I come back here ever few months to read it again and laugh. I also find myself chuckling when watching Fox News and YABAW (Yet Another Blond Anchor Woman) comes on. ..fritz..

[BilltheMarine]

I'll bet the newsroom at FOX is overrun