Ask Mr. Stick Figure!

It's time for another installment of "Ask Mr. Stick Figure," where readers turn to Mr. Stick Figure for answers to the questions that they want answered, which is...uh...why they ask him the questions. Because, you know, they want answers. To their questions, I mean.

 

Reader "basil" (last name withheld because he didn't tell us his last name) submitted the following question:

Dear Mr. Stick Figure,

With a new justice being appointed following Sandra Day O'Connor's retirement, do you think that there's any real chance that Roe v. Wade will be overturned?

 

Dude, what the f**k is that, some kind of code? How about asking a question about politics or popular culture or something instead of dropping names of people nobody knows and expecting me to answer?

Look, I'm a busy guy. I have commitments, I have to earn a living and I don't get paid for this gig, but John and I go way back so I agreed to do this for him, but the least you can do is come up with a question that I might actually be able to answer.

 

"Dave from G.R." writes:

Mr. Stick Figure,

I'm pretty sure "basil" (don't know his last name) was referring to Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, and Roe v. Wade was the landmark United States Supreme Court decision which established that laws against abortion violate a constitutional right to privacy.

Oh, well excuse the hell out of me! In case you brainiacs haven't noticed, I'm a stick figure! You know what that means, don't you? NO GENITALS. So pardon me for not keeping up with something that has absolutely no relevance to my life. Next!

 

Reader "Florida C." asks: Dear Mr. Stick Figure,

As I'm sure you know, there's been a lot of talk in financial markets lately about why long-term interest rates aren't rising as fast as short-term rates, and some ecomonists are saying that there's a chance that short-term Treasury yields could rise above long-term rates. Right now my portflio is about 50/50 stocks and bonds. Where should I have my money?

Wait, let me get this straight; you're asking me - a stickman - what you should do with your life savings. Is that what you're asking? If it is, you might a well sell everything you have and flush all your cash down the john, because you're going to be out on the street pretty soon anyway. What kind of moron are you? Have you heard of financial planners? How about brokers? Have you heard of brokers?

Let me ask you a serious question: Do you have kids? Totally serious here, did you procreate? Because if you did, I'm going to give some serious thought to that Joe B. Wade thing the other moron was talking about.

 

What the hell is wrong with you people? What a bunch of losers. Have we become a nation of blithering idiots, or is that just the kind of crowd that hangs out on these 'blogs'? Sorry John, but I cannot work like this. I need a drink.

 

Comments

[Jay]

Cheers Mr. Stick figure.

[Pile On]

Mr. Figure, if it's not to late, I would like to know if you like pudding?

[*]

* here, from 2-dimension land. Hey, Sticky, you think you got problems, what with the no genitals? How 'bout being a simple dot on a flat plane? How ya think I'm likin' them apples, eh bub?

Whiney ass bastard...

[Mr. Stick Figure]

Hey Pile It High, do I look like I like pudding? What are you, freaking Bill Cosby or something?

And you, *, at least you don't have a bunch of flaming idiots wasting your time with stupid questions. Right now I'd kill to be a dot on a flat plane.

[CollegePundit]

Well, what about them "quarks" them thar phys-e-ceeests go on abouts?

[Mr. Stick Figure]

Oh look, a college kid dropping in to show how smart he is.

Let me clue you in to something, mortar-head; everything I know I leared on my own. It's called street smarts, so you can cram your quarks, got it?

[*]

But, since you ain't got no genitalia, I'm assuming you don't have anywhere to cram them, am I right Sticky?

[CollegePundit]

"everything I know I leared on my own."

Except a decent typing lesson, right?

[Pile On]

So, stick boy, let me get this straight, you have a problem with pudding as you swill martinis?

Don't effing choke on that olive dickless.

[Florida Cracker]

Hmm. You're skinny and sarcastic. At least you didn't tell me that 1985 called and wants its pants back.

[robin]

;}->--< Chill, Stick. Here's a friend. Go lie down.

[Man of Substance]

Do Stick Figures get woodies?

[Michael]

Mr. Stick Figure:

Y'know, did it ever occur to you that you could just get a pencil and draw yourself a schlong? Might as well make it a big one.

[*]

"Do Stick Figures get woodies?"

;}->-b<

Does that answer your question?

[CollegePundit]

"Does that answer your question?"

In ways we really didn't need illustrated, thanks.

[Mr. Stick Figure]

I've had it with you anti stick-figurites. You people are really sick - making fun of my attire, my typing, even my anatomy.

And what did I do to bring this on? I tried to offer a little helpful advice that might make your miserable lives a little more bearable.

Well, you just screwed yourselves, because you can forget about ever asking me for help again. I've got a new gig now, anyway.

[Michael]

"I've had it with you anti stick-figurites. You people are really sick - making fun of my attire, my typing, even my anatomy."

Oh please, don't get angry. All our comments were made with love. Really.

[KJ]

I'm not anti-stick figure. I'm pro-rounded figures.

[Donnah]

New gig? I knew it! You'll be the one whispering advice on electronic toiletries into the ear of Glenn Reynolds.

[Jeff H]

Donnah, you left off an "r".

[Mr. Stick Figure]

Careful! I signed a confidentiality agreement, and that guy knows his law. At least in theory.

[Donnah]

ROTFL. Damn, I really had to hunt for that, Jeff.

[CollegePundit]

^ ^ ^
What Donnah said. Hilarious.

[Mark at WitNit]

Mr Stick Figure, what do you do when someone tells YOU to go "Stick it"?

[Jeff H]

"Mr Stick Figure, what do you do when someone tells YOU to go "Stick it"?"

He makes the missus happy.

[Jeff's Mom]

Jeff used to be such a nice boy before he started hanging out with these blog hooligans.

[Jeff H]

Mom, if you hadn't sent me away to reform school--at age 3--maybe I wouldn't have gone bad.

[RightWingRocker]

Maybe we should ask Clippy?

HAHA

RWR

[Mr. Stick Figure]

Clippy is a whore! That hack sold out years ago for a few easy bucks.

Where's the integrity???

[Mark at WitNit]

Good one, Jeff!