The IHOP Factor

 

Waitress
Are you ready to order or do you need a little more time?

Bill O'Reilly
You know, in the past, Talking Points has been critical of certain decisions made by the IHOP franchise with regard to menu choices, however, we've also praised many of their successes, particularly the Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity Breakfast and the Country Griddle Cakes Combo. So we believe we've been fair and balanced in our coverage - would you agree?

Waitress
Um, OK...I guess.

Bill O'Reilly
Talking Points has always been a big supporter of IHOP's "pot of coffee at the table" policy as well, and we've never shied away from saying so, so you can imagine how disappointed we were to find that this morning's pot was not only cold, it was also bitter.

Now, what say you?

Waitress
Oh, sorry, we've been really busy this morning.

Bill O'Reilly
You're spinning, madam, you're spinning. Listen, we at The Factor have done our own investigation, and according to my information this is happening at every single table. So if what you're saying to me is that this is just some isolated incident, I gotta tell you - the folks at home; they're not buyin' it. They're not buyin' it.

Waitress
What folks at home?

Bill O'Reilly
All right, so let's move on to the menu. Now there's no question in my mind that Jacques Chiraq and his buddy Schroeder are not helping our efforts in the war on terror, and in fact, Chiraq is in my opinion supporting terrorism by refusing to designate Hezbollah as a terrorist group. He may not see it that way, but he is. Tell me where I'm wrong.

Waitress
What's that got to do with the menu?

Bill O'Reilly
Well let's take a look here. Now right here you've got your French Toast, then your Vive La French Toast, then in your Crepe Style International Pancakes you've got your choice of French, you've got Swedish - they're hard-core socialists, and here you've got German crepes.

Now I'm just lookin' out for the folks, because I'll tell you right now, Bush is too busy fightin' with his own guys about social security and judicial nominations, so let me ask you this: Don't you think that your menu should reflect our determination to defeat these terrorists? 'Cause they'll eat your pancakes then cut your throat, and not think twice about it.

Waitress
You want us to stop serving French Toast?

Bill O'Reilly [sighs]
Listen, I appreciate you bein' a stand-up gal and coming over here to talk with me, but I think we're going to just have to agree to disagree.

Waitress
About what?

Bill O'Reilly
How about you just get me some more coffee while I decide what I want to order. Oh, and I want one of those customer comment cards too.

Waitress [hands him the card]
Ok, here you go. I'll get your coffee.

Bill O'Reilly
Right, then you can come back for some of my comments and I'll order the most delicious item on the menu.

 

Comments

[Jeff H]

I'm waiting for the "Impact Segment"...

[Preston Taylor Holmes]

That was f*cking outstanding.

[lauraw]

Hee hee.
That was the most ridiculous item of the day.

Thanks for the giggle.

[John from WuzzaDem]

I don't understand what you're saying, lauraw.

[Buckley F. Williams]

Top-notch stuff John.

[Gordon]

Man, do you channel O'Reilly? That is uncanny. Yes, it is without cans.

[John from WuzzaDem]

You should stay away from words like "cans" when discussing O'Reilly.

[Jeff H]

Keep it pithy, name and town, name and town, name and town if you wish to opine. No bloviating--that's John's job.

[Nettie]

Dang, now I really want some IHOP.

[John from WuzzaDem]

Ah, that investment in IHOP stock is finally paying off.

[Redhand]

This IS BRILLIANT! O'Reilly is such an obnoxious blowhard and bully, the sort of guy who truly believes his own bullsh*t, or at least wants us to believe it. Assclowns like O'Reilly give the Left convenient foils to argue the the rest of us are morons too.

To this rogues gallery of conservative media bullies I add Sean Hannity, Michael Savage, Bob Grant, and the utterly execrable Mark Lavin, who does a remarkable impersonation of a right wing fascist early evenings on WABC in NYC.

[Pile On®]

Criminy, can we please stop with the fascist crap?

[John from WuzzaDem]

If I didn't know that Pile On left that last comment I would have thought it was Mussolini himself.

Shameful.

[Pile On®]

Gawd, I try to elevate the level of discourse here, and I am drowned out by a blog master that honestly, smacks of Goebbels.

[Jeff H]

Goebbels? What the f*** do little hairy rodents have to do with anything?

[brian]

They have hairy little rodents at IHOP?