Beverly Domain

 

Shifty Shafer
Good afternoon, Mr. Clampett, I'm here to inform you that I'm purchasing your home.

Jed Clampett
Well, it's mighty nice o' you to offer, but the house ain't for sale.

Shifty Shafer
No, you don't understand sir, it's eminent domain.

Jed Clampett
Pleased to make your acquaintance Mr. Domain, but like I say, the house ain't for sale. But thanks for stoppin' by, anyhow.

Shifty Shafer
Perhaps I'm not making myself clear. You see, this has all been approved by the Supreme Court - The Kelo decision, you know.

Jed Clampett
We-l-l-l-ll, Supreme Court, you say?

Shifty Shafer
Yes sir.

Jed Clampett
'Fraid I don't know exactly what that is.

Shifty Shafer
The Supreme Court, sir, it's the highest court in the land.

Jed Clampett
I reckon they must have a right pretty view from up there - good for them!

Shifty Shafer
You don't understand, Mr. Clampett. You see, I now have the right to purchase this property if the city says I can, and indeed they do. I don't need your approval.

Jed Clampett
That don't hardly seem fair, now, does it?

Shifty Shafer
Oh, I assure you, it's strictly on the up-and-up, sir, strictly on the up-and-up. Justice Stevens himself wrote the majority opinion.

Jed Clampett
Well, it's kinda hard to argue with a feller named Justice - that's a right official-soundin' name.

Shifty Shafer
Yes, and Justice Souter, Justice Bader Ginsburg, Justice Breyer and Justice Kennedy all joined him in that opinion.

Jed Clampett
That Supreme Court must be a right confusin' place to work at.

Shifty Shafer
How so, sir?

Jed Clampett
Well, with all them people bein' named Justice, must be hard to tell when someone's talkin' to you or the feller next to you.

Shifty Shafer
Actually, some of the Justices are women.

Jed Clampett
Can't see how that would make it any easier.

Shifty Shafer
Yes, well, be that as it may, Mr. Clampett, I've been authorized to give you this check, and to inform you that you have 30 days to vacate the premises.

Jed Clampett
To tell the truth, I never vacated any premises before, so I ain't really sure how it's done.

Shifty Shafer
That simply means you have to be out of the house in 30 days, sir.

Jed Clampett
Thirty days?!? Well, Granny's got herself a hankerin' to move back home anyhow, so I suppose I can't really complain too much.

Shifty Shafer
Excellent, sir, excellent.

Jed Clampett
Say, I don't mean to be any trouble, Mr. Domain, but this here check is for quite a bit less than I paid for the house.

Shifty Shafer
Yes, that's what we call the 'fair market' value.

Jed Clampett
Well, I was about to say that it don't seem 'fair' for me to have to sell my house for less than I paid for it, 'specially when I wasn't plannin' on sellin' it in the first place, but I think it's best I hush up before them Supreme Court folks decide to take the house without payin' me at all.

Shifty Shafer
A very wise decision on your part, and may I say it's been a pleasure doing business with you.

Jed Clampett
Wish I could say the same.

Shifty Shafer
Good day, sir.

Jed Clampett
Maybe for some people - thanks for stoppin' by!

[Cue music]

Stevens, Souder, Bader Ginsburg, Breyer and Kennedy
Decided that there's no such thing as private property

Maybe if the Congress quits a-filibusterin'
Then we can put a stop to legislatin' from the bench

Eminent domain
Pack your shit up

Get the f*ck out
Don't come back now, you hear?

Comments

[Guy S.]

Thanks for being the first thing I have read about this travisty...which (not your fault, I am still at almost a full boil over this) almost brought a smile to my face.

The back you heard snapping earlier today...belongs to that formerly straw leaden camel over there...don't pay him any mind what so ever.

[John from WuzzaDem]

Geez Guy, you read that before I did.

[Preston Taylor Holmes]

It's pretty remarkable that you can even turn this into something that produces a laugh. That's talent, baby.

[lauraw]

I just can't even laugh at it. Too f'n infuriating.
There better be some legislation to clear up this point.

The most unbelievable thing about it is, how these folks have lost every single case all the way up to the Supreme Court. Their property is not blighted! They are just old victorians and stuff out there.

It is mind-boggling. Infuriating.

[seawitch1261]

I managed to get a tinsy winsy smile out of this mess. I think Granny would have answered the "revenuer" with her shot gun though.

[John from WuzzaDem]

You have no idea how close Granny came to doing just that.

[lauraw]

Unfortunately, this being Connecticut, no one will be meeting the eviction authorities with firearms.

But dammit, they should.
Likely that some of the folks will try to hole up, and be forcibly removed by police before the bulldozers come.

Did you know that the NYTimes is in the middle of the same type of fight? They are trying to take this guy's land that his family has lived in for 100 years, to build their new headquarters on.
In a huge coincidence, the NYTimes approves of this latest SC ruling.
For some reason when they weighed in with their opinion, they didn't mention their own case...

[Jeff H]

John, you're my hero.

Now, please get the f*** out of my domain, I've got a city permit for wuzzadem.typepad.com.

[Jenny]

And isn't it the liberals always bitching about the evil of big business - yet the judges they approve of and their politicians are the ones doing this shit. Unfuckingbelievable.

[Guy S.]

When I am first...I really am *first*

Cindy, you have got to be the biggest loser in the world. Why don't you move out of this country and live with the Iraqi's