Durbin Digs, Finds More Dirt
Mr. President, I rise today today not to apologize for my recent remarks, as some have demanded I do, but to expand on those remarks, and to provide incontrovertible evidence of prisoner abuse within the penal system right here in America.
But I am not to here gloat as I present this evidence, Mr. President, because what I am about to show you saddens my heart and sickens my stomach. This man....
Who we have thus far only been able to identify as "Otis," is, we believe, being held somewhere right here in the United States, and is being subjected to unspeakable cruelty and abuse.
He is forced to eat food that is apparently unfit for human consumption.
Subjected to mock executions.
And taunted by his jailers in a manner eerily reminiscent of Abu Ghraib.
These jailers appear to be acting on the orders of a mysterious man who may or may not be connected with the CIA. But let us not forget, Mr. President, that the Nazi soldiers who ran the death camps of Treblinka and Auschwitz were also "following orders," and they were punished to the full extent of the law. Make no mistake, my friends....
This is the face of evil.
And this is the face of...well, I know he looks kind of happy there, um, I'm not really sure why this picture is in here.
And this is, uhhh...I guess this is the back of the head, um, of the, uhhh..face of evil...hey Rick, I don't remember approving this picture.
Oh, come on! Who's the wise ass who put this in here? Sorry, Mr. President. I'll be back later once we get this presentation straightened out...your ass is grass, Rick.
OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH the unhumanity!!!!
Posted by: seawitch1261 | June 20, 2005 at 10:16 PM
By Jimminy, no it can't be -- Oh it is, it is. It's the man of 1,000 dastardly plots, Karl Rove in disguise, invading some poor jihadists space! ;-^
Posted by: Nell | June 21, 2005 at 06:07 AM
That's actually about as substantive as Dick gets.
Great post!
RWR
Posted by: RightWingRocker | June 21, 2005 at 07:38 AM
That's actually about as substantive as Dick gets.
Great post!
RWR
Posted by: RightWingRocker | June 21, 2005 at 07:38 AM
Absolutely the funniest take on Dick Durbin yet! And it was great to see some stills of my ol' favorites again: Andy, Barney, Otis and Aunt Bea.
Posted by: DWC | June 21, 2005 at 08:02 AM
Who is this man Gomer? What does he do and who funds his activities? Any connection to the torturing Marines of Gitmo?
By the way, Aunt Bea, if that really is your name... In the Islamic culture, fried chicken is an insult to everything holy. Bisquits and gravy? You might as well pour pork drippings onto the Koran.
Posted by: Nickie Goomba | June 21, 2005 at 08:19 AM
This really made me laugh...!!!
NIP IT IN THE BUD!!!
Posted by: GroovyVic | June 21, 2005 at 10:08 AM
Your shit sucks.
Posted by: wetwertwer | June 21, 2005 at 11:00 AM
I notice bedwetterwetterer or whatever the hell he/she/it calls itself, didn't leave a URL. But I digress...
I was always secretly afraid of Aunt Bea.
Posted by: Jeff H | June 21, 2005 at 01:39 PM
It is taking all the self control I can muster to not reply to bedwetter.
**twitch**
Posted by: Pile On® | June 21, 2005 at 01:48 PM
Why were you afraid of sweet ol' Aunt Bea, Jeff? Guilty conscience?
Oh, come on, Pile It On.
Posted by: robin | June 21, 2005 at 02:16 PM
That is just hysterical. You might like this as well.
Posted by: Mike | June 21, 2005 at 05:16 PM
I think it was that episode where she got plastered on the snake oil, and forced Opie to sing "Toot Toot Tootsie, Goodbye".
Posted by: Jeff H | June 21, 2005 at 05:46 PM
Your shit sucks.
Hmm. I'm not really sure what this person was trying to say. Let's see here:
Your
I guess that would be a possessor relating to me.
shit
No need to elaborate on that.
sucks
That doesn't really make sense when you put it all together, does it? I mean, if wonderwetter would have said that my shit stinks, well there wouldn't be much to debate.
But he seems to think that my shit is capable of some sort of suction. I think you must be mistaken, metrowetter. I'm pretty sure you have my shit confused with that of someone else.
But hey, thanks for playing.
Posted by: John from WuzzaDem | June 21, 2005 at 05:58 PM
Reminds me of my husband's favorite old song.
If your Aunt Bea's with the one you love, love the one you're with....
Posted by: lauraw | June 22, 2005 at 08:17 AM
I would say that lauraw's comment is one of the worst puns I've ever seen, but I have to admit I'm impressed with the near-psychotic level of free association required to come up with something that awful.
Posted by: John from WuzzaDem | June 22, 2005 at 08:41 AM
Seriously. That's how he sings the song.
He possesses many fine qualities which actually override his penchant for outrageous punnery. Improbable, but true.
Posted by: lauraw | June 22, 2005 at 09:23 AM
I'm sure my wife will take comfort in the fact that she's not the only one being subjected to such unspeakable horrors.
OK, that might have been a little over the top.
Posted by: John from WuzzaDem | June 22, 2005 at 10:53 AM
oh my Barney down in GTMO,
Dick Durbin wants to stop it
Only lets him have one bullet
Make him keep it in his pocket
Posted by: papertiger | June 22, 2005 at 04:10 PM
Priceless.
MoS
Posted by: Man of Substance | June 23, 2005 at 10:46 PM
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