The Art of the Deal

I'm Monty McCain, America's favorite deal-maker, and it's time to play Let's Make a Deal, where everyone is a winner. Let's go out into our studio audience and find our first lucky contestant.

 

 

 

 

Welcome to Let's Make a Deal sir, why don't you and your lovely wife tell us your names and where you're from.

 

 

 

 

My name, sir, is Robert, and I am from the great state of from West Virginia. This is Barbara, she is my esteemed colleague, not my wife.

 

 

 

 

Well Robert, that certainly is an uh...unusual costume.

 

 

 

 

What costume?

 

 

 

 

.....

 

 

 

 

....

 

 

 

 

I see...ummm, why don't we just get started. Are you ready to make a deal?

 

 

 

 

Is that not why we have all gathered here? For in the long tradition of entertainment, whenever men...

 

 

 

 

OK, let's see what we've got for Robert from West Virginia! You can choose what's behind...

 

 

 

 

Door number one, or...

 

 

 

 

Door number two!

 

 

 

 

But first you have to give me something. What do you have for me, Robert? Ball of string? Two dollar bill? Movie ticket stub? Can of creamed corn?

 

 

 

 

I hardly think it would be fair for me to make some concession when I have no assurances that you will respond in kind, sir.

 

 

 

 

That's how the show works, Robert. You give me a little something, and then you get your choice of fantastic prizes. I don't need much, just some small token. I don't think it's too much to ask, considering what you'll get in return.

 

 

 

 

Sir, how large or small the token matters not to me. I simply feel that a more equitable arrangement would be for you to first inform me of what it is I am to receive in this transaction.

 

 

 

 

That's not how we play the game, I mean, you're supposed to...oh, what the heck, I'm sure I can trust you. Which door do you want?

 

 

 

 

I would like door number one.

 

 

 

 

You heard the man, Carol - show him what's behind door number one!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's judges -- a whole bunch of judges! Looks like there might be one or two supreme court nominees in there! That's quite a score, Robert.

 

 

 

 

Only seven??

 

 

 

 

That's a lot of judges, Robert. We usually only give away maybe one or two, and even then only after a contestant gives us something first.

 

 

 

 

What if I don't like some of them?

 

 

 

 

Well, uhh...if you don't like any of them, I guess you can come back and we'll see about working out some kind of exchange or something. Now, what do you have for me? Half-burned candle? Broken bird feeder? Stick of gum?

 

 

 

 

Maybe after I'm sure I'm satisfied with this "deal", as you call it. What about my colleague Barbara? Is she to receive nothing?

 

 

 

 

Yeah, what am I, just some eye-candy game show bimbo? Or is this just more of the institutionalized sexism so prevalent in Hollywood's...

 

 

 

 

All right, all right! Carol, what have we got behind door number 2 for Barbara?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wow! It's a brand new UN ambassador nominee!

 

 

 

 

You call that a UN ambassador nominee? Doesn't look like a very good one.

 

 

 

 

What's wrong with him? He looks fine to me.

 

 

 

 

He doesn't look qualified!

 

 

 

 

He's more than qualified, he has years and years of experience, otherwise we wouldn't be giving him away.

 

 

 

 

So you tell Robert he can trade in any judges he doesn't like, but you expect me to take any UN ambassador you throw at me--you call that a deal?

 

 

 

 

I guess that's true...it's only fair you should get the same deal as Robert. Can you at least try him out for a week or so? Grill him about his past and his his background, ask some other people what they think?

 

 

 

 

I guess. But I can tell you right now I don't like him, and it's going to take a lot longer than a week.

 

 

 

 

Great! So once again, everybody wins here on Let's Make a Deal.

 

 

 

 

Well, thanks for joining us. I'm Monty McCain, and we'll see you next time on Let's Make a Deal.

 

 

More from: Michelle Malkin
Captain's Quarters

Comments

[Don]

Another classic! How do you keep coming up with them? Mix-up of the medications? Anyways you've inspired me to do some of my but they are lame by comparison.

[greg]

Jeez. This is too much. Don, I think John's secret is not that there's a mix-up in the meds. It's that he quits taking them.

[Man of Substance]

Nailed it again... Good Job.

MoS

[dc]

John,

That was freaking high-larious. The same pic over and over was the absolute perfect touch.

Listen ... so, when are you going to join: "Blogs for McCain's Opponent?"

You're a freakin' genius, man. We need you.

Don't worry. We won't campaign for Hillary. Just trying to keep Monty McCain where he belongs ... out of the WH and losing the Ariz. primary.

[bird of paridise]

Hey i noticed you forgot door number 3 and what about all those zonks that they are offering us?