Scarborough Country Goes Country
Joe Scarborough
Howdy there, folks, Joe Scarborough here broadcastin' live from Branson MO...
[Applause, whistles, hoots and hollers from the studio audience]
Joe Scarborough
Thank ya kindly for that, folks, and welcome to a special 'countrified' version
of Scarborough Country. Joinin' me tonight from our special barnyard set is
a real good ol' boy and MSNBC political-thinkin' guy, Pat Buchanan.
Pat Buchanan [Wearing a cowboy hat]
Howdy doo, Joe.
Joe Scarborough
Howdy doo back at ya, Pat. Now, course, over here we got the other MSNBC political-thinkin'
guy, Ron Reagan.
Ron Reagan [In overalls]
Why, howdy, Joe.
Joe Scarborough
And a big ol' howdy right back atcha, Ron. And over here we got one heck of
a purdy lady - and a right fine reporter, too - Miss Andrea Mitchell.
Andrea Mitchell [Wearing Minnie Pearl hat, complete with dangling
price tag]
Why, howdy there, Joe.
Joe Scarborough
Howdy, Andrea - shor is a pretty hat - that new?
Andrea Mitchell
It certainly, I mean, it shor is, and ain't you sweet fer noticin'.
Joe Scarborough
Feller likes a gal in a purdy hat. Anyhow, tonight on Countirified Scarborough
Country - looks like that Negroponte feller...
Ron Reagan
Joe, I've got to interr...I mean, uh, beg pardon, there, Joe.
Joe Scarborough
Yeah, Ron?
Ron Reagan
Well, uh, I know we're out here with all these here good ol' boys and all -
which is good, it's real good - but it still just don't seem right to be usin'
that word.
Joe Scarborough
Negroponte's his name, ya danged fool.
Ron Reagan
Oh, that feller - sorry 'bout that, Joe.
Joe Scarborough
So like I was sayin', looks like this Negroponte feller might end up bein' the
big muckety-muck over all them intelligence folks. He must be a right smart
feller, huh, Pat?
Pat Buchanan
Indeed he is Joe...
[Notices Joe glaring at him]
Pat Buchanan
What I mean is, uh, yessir, he's a right smart feller, all right.
Joe Scarborough
Andrea, ain't he been out there in I-Rack for quite a spell now?
Andrea Mitchell
Shor has, Joe. Matter o' fact, he's what you might call the top US muckety-muck
over there in I-Rack.
Ron Reagan
Boy, I tell ya, Joe, the way things is goin' over there in I-Rack, that feller's
lucky he didn't get him a butt full o' buckshot.
Joe Scarborough
Well, Ron, like I said plenty o' times before, it ain't exactly a hay-ride over
there, but it is a feud, and when folks is feudin' some fellers is gonna
get hurt.
Ron Reagan
I ain't sayin' they ain't, but seems to me maybe them fellers
over there ain't got everythin' they need, so maybe some of 'em's
gettin' hurt what shouldn't oughta get hurt.
Andrea Mitchell
The feudin' fellas?
Ron Reagan
Yeah, the feudin' fellas.
Pat Buchanan
Joe, I gotta tell ya, Ron's soundin' like a right smart feller right about now
- he's makin' some real good sense.
Ron Reagan
Why, thank ya kindly, Pat.
Joe Scarborough
Pat, seems to me you didn't think he was makin' a whole lotta sense last week
when he was defendin' that there Eason Jordan feller. Ya ask me, he made a danged
fool outta hisself right here on national TV.
Ron Reagan
You're mischaracter...I mean, I weren't defendin' him, alls I said was...
Joe Scarborough
You was too! You ain't tryin' to tell me you didn't say he oughtn't quit, are
you?
Ron Reagan
I shor did not, I said them there CNN people oughtn't go and fire him!
Joe Scarborough
Well, they didn't go fire him, he up and quit, hisself.
Ron Reagan
Now you're just talkin' like a danged idjut! Any fool knows he
quit just to save his hide from gettin' fired.
Pat Buchanan
Well, he shoulda got fired if you ask me - sayin' all that dad-blamed tomfoolery
'bout US feudin' boys' tryin' to fill them big-city reporters' backsides with
buckshot!
Andrea Mitchell
Now, hold up one danged second there, Pat. You ain't got no way o' knowin' fer
shor that's he said that. And even if'n he did, maybe he didn't mean they was
tryin' to fill their backsides with buckshot on purpose-like.
Joe Scarborough
Andrea, you know sure as sugar he did! He didn't one time deny it, now, did
he?
Andrea Mitchell
The feller said he made him a mistake, was all. Said one thing and some folks
thought they heard 'nother.
Joe Scarborough
Then why didn't he just come out and say "That ain't what I said, and
I'm danged sorry if I went n' hurt anybody's feelins"? Why didn't he
just say that?
Ron Reagan
He ain't gotta say that just 'cause you and them bloggin' folks got yourselves
all riled up!
Pat Buchanan
Only reason the bloggin' folks got riled up is 'cause them news folk was actin'
like they didn't know nothin' about this whole dustup.
Andrea Mitchell
Weren't nothin' to know if they ain't no proof!
Joe Scarborough
Ain't that there weren't no proof, Andrea, he just didn't figger had had to
show nobody. Goes to show you what he knows.
Andrea Mitchell
Joe, you know danged good and well they told everybody in that room that what
they was sayin' was off the dad-blamed record.
Pat Buchanan
Andrea, they ain't no such thing as bein' off the danged record when you got
yerself 5,000 folks in one room.
Joe Scarborough
Yeah, 'specially when some of 'em's news-folk and some's bloggin' folk. They
had 'im dead to rights!
Ron Reagan
Well, then maybe the bloggin' folk...they's...all right, that's it Joe, I'm
done with this stupid 'concept show', and I'm done talking like a freaking hayseed.
[Audience starts booing]
Ron Reagan
Oh, shut up, you stupid hicks!
[Booing grows louder]
Joe Scarborough
Ron, what seems t'be the trouble there, partner?
Ron Reagan
What's the problem?? Are you kidding? You're making a f***ing idiot out of yourself
with this...
Andrea Mitchell
'Scuse me, Ron, but dontcha mean 'danged idjut'?
Ron Reagan
Shut up Andrea! For chissakes, you're Chief Foreign Affairs Correspondent for
NBC, take that stupid hat off your...
Joe Scarborough
Hoo-boy! Looks like we're havin' us some problems with ol' Ron's microphone,
so we're gonna take us a break and see if the microphone-fixin fellers can get
it fixed up. Stay tuned for more Countirified Scarborough Country.
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