Randy Rabbit's Alternative Family Adventure
Mrs. R. at Are You Conservative? has been following the adventures of Randy Rabbit, the bunny who introduces little PBS viewers to nontraditional families. Let's see who Randy Rabbit is visiting today.
Randy Rabbit
Hi boys and girls! Today we're going to visit another very special nontraditional
family. The mommy plays guitar and sings, and the daddy is a turkey baster.
They have three beautiful little girls - Shawna is nine years old, Jennifer
is eight, and Kendra is seven.
Shawna
Hi Mommy, hi Daddy.
Melissa
Hi sweetheart.
Turkey Baster
.....
Shawna
Hi Daddy.
Turkey Baster
.....
Melissa
Sweetie, go get your sisters, we're going shopping for school clothes.
Shawna [Skipping out of the room]
Oh, goodie!
Melissa [Glaring at Turkey Baster]
Would it kill you to say hello to your own daughter?
Turkey Baster
.....
Melissa
You're a real piece of work, you know that? I should have listened to my mother.
Turkey Baster
.....
Melissa
Again, the silent treatment. You know what you are? You're passive aggressive,
that's what you are. Can't you even get angry? I swear, it's like you're incapable
of emotion!
Turkey Baster
.....
Melissa
You are useless, you know that? You're only good for one thing, and I think
we both know what that is.
Turkey Baster
....
Melissa
You don't lift a finger to help with the kids - it's like they don't even have
a father!
Turkey Baster
....
Melissa
Nothing. I pour my heart out and I get nothing back from you. I might as well
be talking to a f***ing kitchen utensil!
[Shawna, Jennifer and Kendra come into the room]
Jennifer
Mommy, are you and daddy fighting again?
Melissa
Don't be silly, honey, daddy and I are just talking, right dear?
Turkey Baster
....
Melissa
I said, we're just talking, right dear?
Turkey Baster
....
Melissa
Christ, can you at least make make an effort?
Turkey Baster
....
Shawna [Starts crying]
Please don't fight, mommy and daddy.
Melissa
Do you see what you've done, now?
Turkey Baster
....
Melissa
I give up! I've had it with you! Do you hear me? I've had it!
Turkey Baster
....
Melissa
I didn't even want all of these kids! I would have been fine with one,
but no, Tarzan doesn't want to wear a condom. He's got to be Mr...
Randy Rabbit
Boy, alternative, nontraditional families sure have a lot of fun, don't they?
Next time, Randy Rabbit is going to Utah to visit Jebediah. He's eight years
old, and his nontraditional family is really big; he's got nine brothers, twelve
sisters, eight mommies and one daddy. I bet we'll learn a lot from them.
Whoa; really alternative.
"They have three beautiful little girls - Shawna is nine years old, Jennifer is eight, and Kendra is seven."
"'Sweetie [Shawna], go get your brother [um...] and sister[s, Jennifer and Kendra], we're going shopping for school clothes.'"
(Continuity problem.)
I know; everyone's a critic.
Posted by: m | February 20, 2005 at 12:23 PM
Corrected - 'm' is my new unpaid editor. Thanks for catching that.
Posted by: John from WuzzaDem | February 20, 2005 at 01:11 PM
Do you think we can get Turkey Baster to do 'Our House'?
Rock on, Wuzza!
Posted by: BrewFan | February 20, 2005 at 03:50 PM
I'm a liberal, but this one's hilarious... I believe that there should be NO public funding for arts, TV, etc.; no one ever agrees on what's "appropriate." It is better for there to be no public funding than for people to become angry and suppress speech.
Posted by: Lydia | May 24, 2005 at 05:52 PM