Google News: Just Plain Rude

I think Google was kind to Malkin, LGF and Protein Wisdom, at least compared to this:

John,

Thank you for your note.  We have reviewed www.wuzzadem.com but cannot include your web site in Google News at this time. We do not include news-related blogs, other news-related sites that are written and maintained by a single individual, sites that do not have a formal editorial review process, and we sure as hell don't include sites that, frankly, just suck.

Do you really think those Hardball parodies are funny?  Even my nine-year-old son knows that Chris Matthews is a clown.  Seriously, the other night we were watching Hardball, he pointed at the TV and said 'What an asswipe!", so parodizing Matthews is hardly 'clever', since he does that himself every night.  The worst part is that this seems to be your "A" material.

We've received quite a few of these requests lately, and I can only assume that you were submitting yours after hearing that other "blogs" were doing the same, but let's review, shall we?  Malkin is an author and syndicated columnist, LGF helped break the Rathergate story, Protein Wisdom...well, we can't tell what the hell that guy's doing, but at least it appears he owns a dictionary and a thesaurus.  I guess he could have borrowed them from someone and never returned them, but that's not really the point. 

You, on the other hand, apparently think that pointing out the fact that Ron Reagan is pompous and condescending is some kind of achievement.  Get real.

 

Think we're being too picky?  Well, we can afford to be picky.  Actually, after that IPO, we can afford just about anything.  Really - every one of us is filthy rich.  I'm just the guy who writes letters to chumps like you, who only wish they could be included in Google News, and I drive a Mercedes.  And not just any Mercedes, the huge one.  I don't know what the model number is, and I don't really care - I just walked into the dealership and said "I want the biggest Mercedes you have and I want every option."  Next thing I know, this weasely-looking salesman in a cheap suit looks me over and gives me some crap about checking my credit, so I just pull a big wad of cash out of my pocket, stick it under his nose and say "I don't think a credit check will be necessary, Clyde, or whatever your name is.  See, I work at Google, so this is going to be a pure cash transaction.  I assume you still take cash here, don't you?"  You should have seen the look on that goober's face.  Sweet.

 

In closing, I'd like to say that we will log your site for consideration should we alter our policy. I'd like to, but that would be a lie.  What I'm really going to do is flag your site so that I don't ever waste my time reviewing it again.  They couldn't pay me enough to do that - and I'm not just saying that because I'm rich.

 

Regards,

The Google Team

The Stinking Rich Google Team

Comments

[Bill from INDC]

"Parodizing?" That google asshole is so rich he thinks he can invent strange hybrid words. Whoa. Though ...

Even my nine-year-old son knows that Chris Matthews is a clown.

... he does have a point.

[John from WuzzaDem]

Good thing there are anti-idiotarians out there to correct jerks like this Google guy.

That Clyde guy's a dick.

[French People]

What does IPO spell? And why would you read Google news?

[Goober]

You should have seen the look on that goober's face. Sweet.

Had to clean the coffee off my monitor after that one.

[Mason]

Is Google hiring?

[Sobek]

Ah, good times. Nobody can write a harsh rejection letter quite like Google, because if they need to think of something harsh to say, they just Google it.

[John from WuzzaDem]

If they are anything like most of the people I see who come to this site after using Google, that would probably look something like:

can you please tell me how to write a really harsh rejection letter? thanks for the help.

I swear, some people think they're talking to some kind of magic "Google Genie".

[fuck you]

what the fuck is this shit??? this website is so fucking bad. You fucking stupid ass losers get a fucking life.

[John from WuzzaDem]

Mom! You promised not to embarrass me in front of my friends any more!

[SRG]

So Zell, is 'John' the secret code name you use as your handle on the internet? It's okay, but I think if you tried harder you could have come up with a better handle. Like 'ZellRaiser' or something.