Speaking Up For Alberto Gonzalez

I wasn't happy with the treatment Alberto Gonzalez received this week at the hands of certain liberal legislators on the Senate Judiciary Committee, so I dashed off the following letter to my own Senators:

Dear Inconsiderate Jackass,

Just a quick note to let you know that I would appreciate it if you could turn your freaking guitar amplifier down to, oh, say, somewhere below the volume of a Ted Nugent concert, after 10:00 PM.  Also, while I'm sure it's a lot of fun to play the first twelve notes of "Smoke On the Water" for hours on end, listening to it is enough to make you want to slash your...

 

Wait, that's the wrong letter.  Oh, here it is:

Mr. WuzzaDem,

Thanks for taking time to interview with us recently.  Unfortunately, upon further review of your resume, we have found several inconsistencies, including the fact that you claim to have spent the last three years working for the former employer of our Human Resources Director, who says he has never heard of...

 

That's not it either (I didn't even write that one).  Ah!  Here we are:

Dude,

Pull your head out!  Even if Wile E. Coyote did manage to somehow buy the rocket-powered skates from Acme (and you still haven't explained where he'd get the money, and I'm not buying your "trust fund" theory), there is no way he could just hang in mid-air without falling for a full three seconds once he goes off a cliff...

OK, this embarrassing.  Sorry, I know the letter's around here somewhere, I'll post it as soon as I find it.

Update: This post has been linked with Outside The Beltway's January 11th Beltway Traffic Jam.