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July 10, 2010

BP: "Two Pipes? That's Impossible!"

[Mrs. R.]

As Operation Uncap & Recap gets underway this weekend in the Gulf, an interesting piece of information has recently come to light.

First, some background:

One of the problems in successfully capping the well way-back-when occurred on June 2nd. In order for the cap to form an effective seal, the riser pipe of the main well needed to be cut cleanly across. The better the cut, the better the seal.

Unfortunately, the saw used to cut the riser pipe became stuck in the casing. Subsequently, giant shears were used to make the cut, resulting in a more jagged, uneven edge, requiring a looser fitting cap that failed to form an adequate seal.

Nevertheless, these efforts were described by Admiral Thad Allen as"another positive development".

In Admiral Allen's press briefing on Friday, as he summarized plans to recap the well by the middle of next week, he revisited the problems BP engineers had encountered on June 2nd ...

"...let me take you through the sequence. It is complicated. First of all, we have a cap over the well head right now and the reason there’s a loose cap with a rubber seal on the bottom is we weren’t able to get a clean cut when we cut the riser pipe. We used a diamond wire saw and we got inside. We found out there was actually two sets of drill pipe there. And trying to use that diamond wire saw to cut against it—if you’ve ever tried to saw a limb or a piece of wood where you couldn’t hold it and it could move—you can’t get any traction, it doesn’t cut. So then we stopped.

"We then used the big, hydraulic shears which were a very imperfect cut but we did cut it. So it was cut at an angle and we had this jagged cut...

"...we will completely remove that cut off stub of riser pipe and just deal with what we got. What you’ll have then is an open pipe with a phalange (flange) and two pieces of pipe sticking up—the drill pipe and the piece of pipe that presumably fell down beside it as a result of the explosion and the riser pipe being bent over.

"At that point there will be a metal strap put around both of those pipes to make them closer together so it’s easier to put something over the top of them. At that point, they’re going to put a cylindrical device over the top of the two pipes that are banded together."

Of particular interest in this briefing is the repeated reference to not one, but two drill pipes, side by side, inside the wreckage of the well's blowout preventer, and the implication that a second freestanding pipe may have contributed to the failure of the initial cut.

A troubling acknowledgment considering that in late May, when scientists from the Department of Energy detected the presence of two pipes in the well's main riser, BP dismissed the Energy findings as "impossible" because only one pipe in sections was used for drilling.

Troubling because it appears someone up the chain of command deferred to BP's assessment that two pipes were "impossible", over evidence (presented by the DOE) to the contrary. 

Why anyone is still deferring to BP's assessment of anything is more than a mystery, it's a shame.

 

March 03, 2009

Exclusive: Copy of Obama's New Cabinet Nominee Questionnaire Leaked

[John]

***Exclusive: Must credit WuzzaDem***

Questionnaire

  1. Please provide copies of all resumes and biographical statements issued by you or any other entity at your discretion or with you consent within the past ten years.

  2.  Has a tax lien or other collection procedure ever been instituted against you or your spouse by federal, state or local authorities? If so, describe the circumstances and the resolution of the matter.

  3. If you or your spouse has ever lived or worked abroad, please describe the circumstances.

  4. Hey, about that tax thing – you do know that we’re asking about ANY liens or back taxes, right?

  5. Briefly describe the most controversial matter you have been involved with in the course of your career.

  6. Not to harp on this, but, seriously, if you have ANY outstanding taxes, please tell us. We’re getting killed, here.

  7. Please provide the names, addresses, and telephone numbers of three professional references. Also, think really hard about that tax question again, because there are a few dipshits out there that who really screwing things up for us.

  8. What’s so f*#king hard about that question, anyway? You either owe back taxes or you don’t.

  9. Seriously, if it turns out you DO owe back taxes (or for that matter, if your gardener, nanny, dog-walker, or anyone else turns out to have problems with their immigration status), and you lie to me it’s your ASS.

  10. I’m not kidding. I know some people that would be only too happy to drag you out of your house and put a serious hurt on you.

  11. Ever had your eyelashes pulled out with pliers? Me neither, but I’m sure it’s painful. BACK TAXES, A-HOLE – DO YOU OWE ANY?

  12. Hey, here’s an idea – how about you also tell us if you’re…oh, I don’t know…BEING INVESTIGATED by federal authorities? Some people don’t get that.

  13. You DO owe back taxes, don’t you? I KNEW IT! Mother f*&ker!!! What? Oh, you don’t? Sorry, my bad.

  14. Wait a second – I’m not falling for this again. If you were chosen to be a part of this administration then there’s at least a 50% chance you’ve been ducking SOME kind of taxes, have some immigration problem, you’ve knocked up a friend’s daughter (wait – no, that’s CNN I’m thinking of – OK, so forget that part), so come clean already.

  15. You know what, whatever position you were being considered for, I’m sure I can do it myself, so let’s just forget it. Besides, you probably owe back taxes anyway.

November 04, 2008

Congratulations To Everyone Who Helped Make This Happen...

[John]

...and I do mean everyone.


Laura_ingraham

 



Ann_coulter

 



Rush_limbaugh

October 27, 2008

Getting Gary Busey Away From That Kid Would Probably Be A Good Start

[John]

Seriously. He looks like he might break something.

Gary_busey
(Actual ad from the sidebar of another blog)

October 26, 2008

Nine Days Before The Election, An Undecided Voter Stops By The Local Starbucks

[John]

Welcome to Starbucks, can I help you?

 

 

Joe Biden
Yes, my name is Jim. Jim the...uhhh...candlestick maker.

 

 


OK.

 

 

Joe Biden
Yes, that's my name - Jim the candlestick maker. Small businessman, registered independent, and undecided voter.

 

 


That's very interesting - can I get you something?

 

 

Joe Biden
Certainly, but first, by way of casual conversation, just let me say that I believe my taxes will be much lower under an Obama administration than they would if John McCain were elected.

 

 


Well, you're entitled to your opinion.

 

 

Joe Biden
That's why I'll be voting for Obama.

 

 


I thought you were undecided.

 

 

Joe Biden
Well, I just decided.

 

 


Good for you - now what can I....

 

 

Joe Biden
I also believe that, should Obama be elected, a disaster of unprecedented magnitude will befall this country.

 

 


Really?

 

 

Joe Biden
Absolutely. If Obama wins, then within six months, businesses all across the country will fail, families will be destroyed, heads will explode, eyeballs will bleed, and groins will be hit with whiffle bats.

 

 


I'm sorry, did you say 'groins will be hit with whiffle bats'?

 

 

Joe Biden
Ever been hit in the groin with a whiffle bat?

 

 


No, I haven't.

 

 

Joe Biden
Take my word for it - it hurts like hell. Anyway, that's another reason I'll be voting for Obama.

 

 


You're voting for Obama because a terrible catastrophe will happen if he's elected?

 

 

Joe Biden
Well, at least it'll be a change from the last eight years.

 

 


No offense, but that doesn't really make sense.

 

 

Joe Biden
Maybe I was just employing a bit of rhetorical flourish.

 

 


That sounded pretty specific to me.

 

 

Joe Biden
You big corporate executives are just so isolated that you don't understand how us regular Americans think.

 

 


I'm not an executive, I just work at this franchise.

 

 

Joe Biden
What's a franchise?

 

 


Well, this is just one of the Starbucks locations around the...

 

 

Joe Biden
You mean there's more than one of these places?

 

 


Yeah, there are...

 

 

Joe Biden
Holy crap, I can see at least five people here, how big do you need to be???

 

 


There are actually eight full-time employees at this location.

 

 

Joe Biden
Talk about your Wall Street greed! Well, this unchecked thirst for profits at the expense of the folks on Main Street will come to end end when Barack Obama is president!

 

 


Whatever - look I really need to take your order.

 

 

Joe Biden
OK, just give me a regular cup of coffee, the way they make it in Scranton.

 

 


I don't know how they make coffee in...

 

 


Racist!

 

 

Joe Biden
Scranton's in eastern Pennsylvania, you moron!

 

 


Who is that? And why is he calling you a racist?

 

 

Joe Biden
Just ignore him.

 

 

Joe Biden
But be sure to vote for him.

 

 


Sorry, I already voted.

 

 

Joe Biden
Well, there's no law that says you can't vote more than once.

 

 


Actually, there is.

 

 

Joe Biden
I think you're mistaken.

 

 


No, it's definitely against the law to vote more than once.

 

 

Joe Biden
Well, Barack Obama will put an end to that outdated law.

 

 


I'm sure he will - here's your coffee, that'll be $2.79.

 

 

Joe Biden
Two dollars and seventy-nine cents?? Whatever happened to the five-cent cup of coffee?

 

 


Coffee hasn't been five cents a cup for like thirty years, now if you don't mind...

 

 

Joe Biden
Well, when Barack...

 

 


I know, I know - when Barack Obama is president coffee will be five cents again! Look, just take the coffee, it's on the house.

 

 

Joe Biden
Thanks. And remember, vote McCain/Palin!

 

 


Don't you mean Obama/Biden?

 

 

Joe Biden
Whatever.

 

 


Hey boss?

 

 


Yeah?

 

 


I've got nine vacation days coming, can I take them now?

 

 


Sure, go ahead.

 

 


I think I'll just hibernate.

April 14, 2008

This Is An Archive Site

[John]
Nowanarchive

WuzzaBlog, ain't no more.


January 22, 2008

Fred Tompson Drops Out Of The Race By The Local Starbucks

[John]

Welcome to Starbucks, what can I get for you?

 

 

Fred_uh_err_thompson
Yeah, I, um...uh...uh...

 

 

Fred_uh_err_thompson
That is to say, I...uh...

 

 


...

 

 

Fred_uh_err_thompson
Uh...uh...

 

 


Did you want to order something, sir?

 

 

Fred_uh_err_thompson
What the hell does it look like I'm doing right now?

 

 


Sorry - go ahead.

 

 

Fred_uh_err_thompson
You know, if John Wayne was here I'd have him kick your ass.

 

 


John who?

 

 

Fred_uh_err_thompson
Oh, I get it - you're one of those Chuck Norris fans.

 

 


Chuck who?

 

 

Fred_uh_err_thompson
Never mind. Now you broke my concentration, so I'm gonna have to start over.

 

 

Fred_uh_err_thompson
So...uh...uh...I, um...

 

 

Fred_uh_err_thompson
You do serve coffee here, don't you?

 

 


Yes. Yes, we do.

 

 

Fred_uh_err_thompson
Good, good. I got me a hankerin' for some coffee right now. I'm a little...uh...err...

 

 


Tired?

 

 

Fred_uh_err_thompson
Yeah, that's it - tired.

 

 


Do you know what kind of coffee you want?

 

 

Fred_uh_err_thompson
Now that I do know.

 

 


Excellent.

 

 

Fred_uh_err_thompson
I'll have the uh...uh...the, uh...

 

 


...

 

 

Fred_uh_err_thompson
I mean, the uh...uh...the, uh...

 

 


Sir...

 

 

Fred_uh_err_thompson
No, don't tell me - I don't need help.

 

 


I wasn't going to help you. I was going to tell you that you're going to have to get out of line if you don't order something now.

 

 

Fred_uh_err_thompson
Well if that's how you're gonna act then just forget it. I'll just...uh...uh...

 

 


Leave?

 

 

Fred_uh_err_thompson
Right - I'll leave. Bye.

 

 


Goodbye, sir.

 

 


...

 

 


Too bad. Something tells me he would have been my best customer evah.

 

UPDATE: Werd.

UPDATE II: He wanted tea?

 

December 21, 2007

Merry Christmas From Mac and PC

[John]

Hi, I'm a Mac.

 

 


And I'm a PC.

 

 


And I just want to wish everyone a merry Christmas.

 

 


So do I.

 

 


Wait a second - what do you mean, "So do I"?

 

 


What? It's Christmas.

 

 


I know, but don't you usually contradict me or insult me?

 

 


Actually, I usually just stand here and let people admire me for being so hip and cool and laid-back - you know, because I'm a Mac - and wait for you to say something that embarrasses PC users. Because, you know, they don't have Macs. But, in the spirit of Christmas, I think we should just wish everyone well.

 

 


That's what I call holiday spirit. Anyway, Merry Christmas from both of us.

 

 


And remember, everyone - Vista blows.

 

 


It certainly does.

 

 


Why didn't I just stay home?

 

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from the WuzzaDems!

December 11, 2007

Ever The Gentleman, Mike Huckabee Uses His Own Press Conference To Take The Heat Off Of Dana Perino

[John]
Mike_huckabee_is_lost
Of course I know who he is - he's the guy they made that motorcycle movie about.

 

 

Mike_huckabee_is_lost
Come on, I'm not stupid, people - I was the governor of Alabama for ten years.

 

 

Huckabee_reporter
Weren't you the governor of Arkansas?

 

 

Mike_huckabee_is_lost
Whatever.

 

Indeed.

November 29, 2007

Anderson Cooper: "My biggest concern personally was having the campaigns manipulate the process."

[John]

Um.....yeah, OK. Here's a video clip of an interview with Cooper after the CNN/YouTube Democrat debate back in July of this year:

Yeah, that's the problem - the campaigns manipulating the process.

November 28, 2007

Scenes From The CNN/YouTube Republican Debate (Part I)

[John]
Anderson_cooper
Our next question is for Fred Thompson. It concerns homeland security, and was submitted by William from New York.

 

 

Fred_thompson_youtube
Good, because I have a lot to say about homeland security.

 

 

Bill_clinton_youtube
Senator Thompson, given the recent reports of threats made against the spouses of presidential candidates, don't you think it would be safer for your wife to stay at home when you're on the road?

 

 

Fred_thompson_youtube
What reports of threats? What the hell kind of question is that???

 

 

Bill_clinton_youtube
Just askin'.

UPDATE: They really should spruce up the stage with some plants.

 


November 12, 2007

Rep. Carla Blanchard Dartez (Dipshit-LA) Needs To Work On Her Valedictions

[John]
Carla_blanchard_dartez
Don't let your meat loaf!

 

 

Meatloaf
What the hell's that supposed to mean?

 

"Una panona bonka"

November 09, 2007

Hillary Clinton Sets The Record Straight On The Whole "Planted Question" Controversy

[John]

Yikes:

SIOUX CITY, Iowa — Democratic presidential frontrunner Hillary Clinton’s campaign admitted Friday that it planted a global warming question in Newton, Iowa, Tuesday during a town hall meeting to discuss clean energy.

Clinton campaign spokesman Mo Elliethee admitted that the campaign had planted the question and said it would not happen again.
...
“However, Senator Clinton did not know which questioners she was calling on during the event. This is not standard policy and will not be repeated again.”


Hillary_town_hall
Now, I'd be glad to answer any questions.

 


 


Hillary_crowd_1
Senator, the health care crisis in this country...

 


 


Hillary_town_hall
Yeah, yeah, there's probably something on my web site about that. How about you, in the back, miss? Did you have a question about the allegation that someone on my staff planted a question at my last town hall meeting?

 


 


Hillary_crowd_2
Oh, right, um, were you aware someone in the crowd had been instructed to ask a specific question, or was this done without your knowledge, possibly by an overzealous staff member, and will it happen again?

 


 


Hillary_town_hall
That's a very good question. Let me be very clear - this is something that was done without my knowledge, by an overzealous staff member, and I assure you it will not happen again.

 


 


Hillary_town_hall
Does that answer your question?

 


 


Billy
Yes. Yes, it does.

 


 


Billy
I wish she'd just hurry up and tank.

 


October 30, 2007

Thanks For The $36.00, Asswipes

[John]

Yes, that's a blogad for Lions for Lambs in the sidebar.

Here's the deal: John Hawkins from Right Wing News was running something called a "Hive Blogad" a few months back, which featured links to various posts from conservative blogs, but there were some technical difficulties, so it was "deferred", which means the order for the ad sits in my little Blogads inbox, waiting to be reactivated. Whenever I log on to Blogads, I see "Conservative Hive Livelink".

This morning I got an e-mail from Blogads telling me a new ad had been submitted, I logged in, and approved the new version of the Hive ad - I thought. When I looked at the blog, these three bozos were staring at me from the sidebar:

Assholes

AAAAAH!

I logged onto Blogads again, and sure enough, I had mistakenly approved an ad named "Conservative/Lions for Lambs". Apparently Redford and his buddies are looking to convert a few lizard-brained right-wingers with their "powerful anti-war message." Way to budget those advertising dollars, jagoffs.

Well, at least the movie's getting good reviews:

Watching some NFL football on Sunday, I saw the new TV ad for Lions for Lambs. The ad had quotes from favorable “reviews”. If you look at the fine print two of the positive “reviews” were from posts on Daily Kos.

Anyway, thanks for the $36.00, dickheads. I'll use it to pay my TypePad bill. Then we can publish more posts like these.

UPDATE: WTF? They took the ad down. Something I said?

UPDATE II: Hey, do I get to keep the $36.00?

UPDATE III: Looks like I don't get to keep the $36.00

October 23, 2007

Yahoo! Looks Like We're Retiring

[John]
Yahooscamidiot

I've just been informed by a high-level official at "Yahoo Lottery Incorperation UK and Ireland" (I guess that's the Irish spelling) that I've been selected from thousands of Yahoo! e-mail users to receive "a prize money of (Four Hunderd Thousands British Pounds Starling £400,000 GBP) of the year, 2007 Lottery-win promotion."

Seems this is a promotion that was started by the Yahoo! e-mail team to reward Yahoo! e-mail users.

Well, they got my attention, and now I'm a Yahoo! e-mail user for life. All I need to do to collect my "Four Hunderd Thousands British Pounds Starling" is reply to this e-mail address:

barr.cynthiamorfield@gmail.com

Try and stop me.

October 12, 2007

Or, We Could Just Paint a Giant Target On It

[John]

Ack:

New York's iconic Empire State Building is to be lit up green from Friday in honor of the Muslim holiday of Eid, the biggest festival in the Muslim calendar marking the end of Ramadan, officials said.


Empire_state_sitting_duck

Word

October 03, 2007

OK, This Is Really Pissing Me Off

[John]

Seriously, it's just ridiculous.

UPDATE: Never mind - now that I look at it in the proper context, it makes sense.

UPDATE II: Turns out that wasn't the proper context, after all. Now I'm even more pissed off.

UPDATE III: I might have been a little hasty about that context. I guess I should look at it again.

UPDATE IV: Maybe I didn't put the context in the proper context. Is that even possible?

UPDATE V: Now I've lost track - would that mean I'm still pissed off, even more pissed off, or that it doesn't bother me any more?

UPDATE VI: Should I just forget about the context and put it into something else?

October 01, 2007

OK, Back To Posting

[John]

Welcome to Starbucks, can I help you?

 

 


Oh, yeah? Well, maybe you should...wait, you're not Harry Reid.

 

 


Yeah, I was expecting Tom Harkin.

 

 


What the hell's going on?

 

 

Chrissystarbucks2
Welcome to Starbucks, I'm Chris Matthews.

 

 


...

 

 


...

 

 


I think John might be a little rusty.

 

 


Well, I'm out of here. See ya.

 

 


Later.

 

 

Chrissystarbucks2
Did I just say welcome to Starbucks?

 

September 30, 2007

And Now...We Resume Blogging, As Though We Never Said Anything About "Quitting"

[John]
What2_2
"Whaaaat? Oh, come on, that was satire!

UPDATE: I can't believe this guy copied us by coming back three days before we did. Wait a second...oh, never mind. No, it's not a joke. Hey, watch the language, salty.

UPDATE II: By the way, no more political blogging at WuzzaDem. That's right, I've decided to write about my real passion - pop culture. I know, I never let on before, but I'm a real celebrity-watcher. So, let's get started:

Did you hear about what's-her-name? I hear she's divorcing that guy. She is divorcing him, right? Man, I hate that guy.

Wait, maybe I'm thinking of someone else. Not about what's-her-name, I know all about her, I mean about that guy. What the hell is his name? You know who I mean, right? Is he the one who shaved his head? You know, now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure she shaved her head. Yeah, that's right - she shaved her head, then that President Hilton guy got a picture of it when she was getting out of the car, and he put it on the internet.

No, wait, that can't be right - what kind of name is President?

OK, forget what's-her-name. Did you hear what that actor said? What a dickhead. That guy should just STFU and be in that movie he's in. Or is it a TV show? Maybe it's a made-for-TV movie. Whatever.

Seriously, though, what kind of parents would name their son President? It's bad enough the guy was born with blue hair, his mom and dad have to compound the problem give him some freaky name. Probably hippies. Freakin' hippies.

What was I talking about? You know what, just forget I said anything.

August 13, 2007

The Last Final WuzzaDem Post:
An Episode of Mission Impossible in Which the Recording in the Opening Scene Was Made By Jim Phelps's Elderly Grandfather

[John]
Mi_recorder
"Good morning, Mr. Phelps."

 

 

Mi_phelps
...

 

 

Mi_recorder
...

 

 

Mi_phelps
...

 

 

Mi_recorder
...

 

 

Mi_phelps
...

 

 

Mi_recorder
"What, you can't say "good morning" to your own grandpa?"

 

And on that rather lame note, we're hanging up the "Closed" sign.

 

Closed1

 

I hate to be picky, but do you have anything a little more...I don't know..modern?

 

Closed2

 

That's a little better, but why is it crooked? And what's with the glare?

 

Closed3

 

Oh, come on! That would have been a perfectly good sign, but you had to hang those stupid drapes - or whatever that is - in front of it and obscure the first and last letters.

 

Closed4

 

Don't you think this one's kind of...commercial?

You know what - just forget I said anything, it's fine.

So, that really was the last post. Thanks from both of us, it's been fun, but now we must bid you ado adew adoo whatever.

UPDATE: I'm They're touched. Bravo, basil!


UPDATE III (from John): Thanks InstaPunk. And thanks to everyone for the kind comments and e-mails.

To answer few of the questions people have been asking, we haven't struck it rich; we're not in the poorhouse; I do like salsa; we are not perfecting our plan for world domination; OK, so that was picante sauce; no, we don't actually have a plan for world domination; look I don't care - it had tomatoes, onions, garlic and cilantro, and I put it on my corn chips, so just drop it already; OK, so if we don't have a plan for world domination then maybe I shouldn't have said we weren't perfecting it; I swear, if you bring up the damned salsa again I'm going to stab myself in the eye with an ice pick!

You know what, I'm done answering questions.

July 20, 2007

Taking a Break

[John]
Building

larry craig larry craig larry craig larry craig larry craig larry craig larry craig larry craig

We're going to be gone for a while. We won't be anywhere near the building in the photo above. Actually, I have no idea why that photo is even in this post.
larry craig larry craig larry craig larry craig larry craig larry
That's just weird.

Anyway, we'll be gone for about a week or so. But not anywhere near that building. At least, not that I know of.

Whatever.

Zman_gleen1
Bummer
 larry craig larry craig larry craig larry craig larry craig larry craig larry craig larry craig larry craig larry craig larry craig larry craig larry craig larry craig larry craig larry craig larry craig larry craig larry craig larry craig larry craig larry craig larry craig larry craig larry craig larry craig larry craig larry craig larry craig

July 13, 2007

Maybe He Should Consider Changing His Name

[John]

AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!

Over video of someone apparently named "Illegal Immigrant", the reporter from this piece says, "...just a few minutes later, this man walks in to the store. He says that Immigration laws have left him no choice but to go back to Mexico since he can't support his family here."

Illegal_immigrant
"If I have no license and I'm not going to be legalized, I can't work."

Yeah, cuz that would be...um...illegal. And if there's one thing Illegal Immigrant doesn't do, it's break the law. Well, most laws, anyway.


July 04, 2007

HAPPY 231ST!

[John]



July 03, 2007

I Guess "Death Valley" is a Euphemism for "John's House"

[John]

116-DEGREES PREDICTED FOR VEGAS THIS WEEK; 127 FOR DEATH VALLEY.

Johns_house
I think I need to water the back yard.


June 29, 2007

Those Guys at Blog-Rating Can Suck It!

[John]

This can't be right:

Somebody must have f**cked screwed goofed up.

UPDATE: Oh, now I understand.

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:

* hell (4x)
* bastard (3x)
* crap (2x)
* torture (1x)

See, the problem is that someone used the word torture. And crap. Hey, don't look at me.

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