WuzzaDem

Merry Christmas, New Yorkers!

President Obama Gets Tough with Iran's Supreme Leader

Diplomatic standoff, currently in progress...

I'll tell you my decision on Afghanistan AFTER you tell me what you're planning to do with all the enriched uranium you've been stockpiling.

   

Maybe next week. I'm busy.

   

Look, I need an answer now. I'm starting to look weak and indecisive on the world stage.

   

Yeah?... So?

 

  

Aw, c'mon...

   

OK. How about I tell you that there's no way in hell we're exporting our enriched uranium anywhere AFTER you tell me you're not going to send more troops to Afghanistan.

   

Man, you drive a hard bargain.

   

...

   

Deal.

   

You'd Think NASA Would Have Rocketed into the Space Age by Now

But no. Frankenstein science is still the rage.

From Jack Bergman, a behavioral pharmacologist at Harvard Medical School's McLean Hospital in Boston on NASA's plan to irradiate monkeys in hopes of determining the effects of long space flights for humans.

"The beauty of this is that we can assess at different time points after exposure, so not only do we get a sense of rather immediate effects, but then we can look again at longer time points."

Only a vivisector could find beauty in enslaving and torturing innocent, defenseless animals.

We don't belong in space. We belong in caves.

...

Wasn't it the "great" scientist/mathematician/philosopher/vivisector René Descartes who concluded some 400 years ago that animals don't think and therefore are incapable of experiencing pain?

Yes, we've come a long way. Today's men and women of science readily admit that animals feel pain- but they torture them anyway.

Everything Should Have a Public Option

Case in point...

For Some Parents, Shouting is the New Spanking “I've worked with thousands of parents and I can tell you, without question, that screaming is the new spanking..." ...  "This is so the issue right now." ... “My name is Francesca Castagnoli and I am a screamer,” began a post on Motherblogger.net earlier this year. “Admitting I’m a mom that screams, shouts and loses it in front her kids feels like I’m revealing a dark family secret.” ... Strategies to stop yelling abound. Ms. Klein said she has a friend who gives herself a timeout by going into another room when she feels a scream coming on.

How can this be???

Nearly ten years into the new millennium and we still can't find a way to discipline our children without traumatizing them (or ourselves) in the process?

We might as well be living in the Dark Ages. Surely there are more civilized approaches to child rearing.

Of course there are. In fact, I can think of three right off the bat...

Permissive Parenting

You know what's so great about permissive parenting?

Permissive parenting requires a lot less work than traditional parenting, and a lot less work means permissive parents have a lot more time to spend on other stuff.

And let's not forget about all the guilt and blowback that's alleviated by permissive parenting.

For example, you can avoid guilt by not getting all ogre-like with a child when he or she calls you a "c**ksucking douchebag".  (You know you're only going to regret it later). You also avoid the subsequent wrath your child will reign upon you for days (possibly weeks) thereafter should you loose your cool in such a situation.

Less guilt and blowback means less stress, and who doesn't want less stress in their lives?

You Wanna Know What's Even Better Than Permissive Parenting?

Letting teachers and school officials decide what's best for kids.

And why shouldn't they? If you discount sleep hours, children probably spend a lot more time at school than they do at home.

So why should parents be the ones making all the tough decisions associated with child rearing?

Talk about stressful and time-consuming!

But You Know What's Even Better Than Letting Teachers and School Officials Decide What's Best for Kids?

Giving parents the option of handing a child over to a government agency the second he or she starts getting on their nerves and/or costing them too much money.

What would be so bad about that?

Besides, everyone knows that being a sperm or egg donor doesn't automatically make one a "parent",  so why should sperm/egg donors be expected to act like parents if they don't feel like it?

And where, exactly, is it written that individuals who bring children into this world are required to assume one huge boatload of responsibilities after another, or else(!)?

It's not, that's where.

Therefore, free and affordable government-sponsored child rearing is the constitutional right of all Americans whose sperm/egg donations result in offspring, unwanted or otherwise.

Or it should be...

Because what we're doing now clearly isn't working.

For the Record

Not that it matters much, since WuzzaDem has stopped blogging, but...

The tool on Twitter calling himself "WuzzaDem" is some tool on Twitter who is NOT WuzzaDem.

UPDATE FROM JOHN:

I'm not "tweeting" (that is what it's called, right? At least I haven't much, or for a long time...whatever), but this is me.

This person is not.

Exclusive: Copy of Obama's New Cabinet Nominee Questionnaire Leaked

***Exclusive: Must credit WuzzaDem***

Questionnaire

1. Please provide copies of all resumes and biographical statements issued by you or any other entity at your discretion or with you consent within the past ten years.
   
   
2.  Has a tax lien or other collection procedure ever been instituted against you or your spouse by federal, state or local authorities? If so, describe the circumstances and the resolution of the matter.
   
   
3. If you or your spouse has ever lived or worked abroad, please describe the circumstances.
   
   
4. Hey, about that tax thing – you do know that we’re asking about ANY liens or back taxes, right?
   
   
5. Briefly describe the most controversial matter you have been involved with in the course of your career.
   
   
6. Not to harp on this, but, seriously, if you have ANY outstanding taxes, please tell us. We’re getting killed, here.
   
   
7. Please provide the names, addresses, and telephone numbers of three professional references. Also, think really hard about that tax question again, because there are a few dipshits out there that who really screwing things up for us.
   
   
8. What’s so f*#king hard about that question, anyway? You either owe back taxes or you don’t.
   
   
9. Seriously, if it turns out you DO owe back taxes (or for that matter, if your gardener, nanny, dog-walker, or anyone else turns out to have problems with their immigration status), and you lie to me it’s your ASS.
   
   
10. I’m not kidding. I know some people that would be only too happy to drag you out of your house and put a serious hurt on you.
    
    
11. Ever had your eyelashes pulled out with pliers? Me neither, but I’m sure it’s painful. BACK TAXES, A-HOLE – DO YOU OWE ANY?
    
    
12. Hey, here’s an idea – how about you also tell us if you’re…oh, I don’t know…BEING INVESTIGATED by federal authorities? Some people don’t get that.
    
    
13. You DO owe back taxes, don’t you? I KNEW IT! Mother f*&ker!!! What? Oh, you don’t? Sorry, my bad.
    
    
14. Wait a second – I’m not falling for this again. If you were chosen to be a part of this administration then there’s at least a 50% chance you’ve been ducking SOME kind of taxes, have some immigration problem, you’ve knocked up a friend’s daughter (wait – no, that’s CNN I’m thinking of – OK, so forget that part), so come clean already.
    
    
15. You know what, whatever position you were being considered for, I’m sure I can do it myself, so let’s just forget it. Besides, you probably owe back taxes anyway.

Congratulations To Everyone Who Helped Make This Happen...

...and I do mean everyone.

 

 

Getting Gary Busey Away From That Kid Would Probably Be A Good Start

Seriously. He looks like he might break something.

(Actual ad from the sidebar of another blog)

Nine Days Before The Election, An Undecided Voter Stops By The Local Starbucks

Welcome to Starbucks, can I help you?

 

 

Yes, my name is Jim. Jim the...uhhh...candlestick maker.

 

 

OK.

 

 

Yes, that's my name - Jim the candlestick maker. Small businessman, registered independent, and undecided voter.

 

 

That's very interesting - can I get you something?

 

 

Certainly, but first, by way of casual conversation, just let me say that I believe my taxes will be much lower under an Obama administration than they would if John McCain were elected.

 

 

Well, you're entitled to your opinion.

 

 

That's why I'll be voting for Obama.

 

 

I thought you were undecided.

 

 

Well, I just decided.

 

 

Good for you - now what can I....

 

 

I also believe that, should Obama be elected, a disaster of unprecedented magnitude will befall this country.

 

 

Really?

 

 

Absolutely. If Obama wins, then within six months, businesses all across the country will fail, families will be destroyed, heads will explode, eyeballs will bleed, and groins will be hit with whiffle bats.

 

 

I'm sorry, did you say 'groins will be hit with whiffle bats'?

 

 

Ever been hit in the groin with a whiffle bat?

 

 

No, I haven't.

 

 

Take my word for it - it hurts like hell. Anyway, that's another reason I'll be voting for Obama.

 

 

You're voting for Obama because a terrible catastrophe will happen if he's elected?

 

 

Well, at least it'll be a change from the last eight years.

 

 

No offense, but that doesn't really make sense.

 

 

Maybe I was just employing a bit of rhetorical flourish.

 

 

That sounded pretty specific to me.

 

 

You big corporate executives are just so isolated that you don't understand how us regular Americans think.

 

 

I'm not an executive, I just work at this franchise.

 

 

What's a franchise?

 

 

Well, this is just one of the Starbucks locations around the...

 

 

You mean there's more than one of these places?

 

 

Yeah, there are...

 

 

Holy crap, I can see at least five people here, how big do you need to be???

 

 

There are actually eight full-time employees at this location.

 

 

Talk about your Wall Street greed! Well, this unchecked thirst for profits at the expense of the folks on Main Street will come to end end when Barack Obama is president!

 

 

Whatever - look I really need to take your order.

 

 

OK, just give me a regular cup of coffee, the way they make it in Scranton.

 

 

I don't know how they make coffee in...

 

 

Racist!

 

 

Scranton's in eastern Pennsylvania, you moron!

 

 

Who is that? And why is he calling you a racist?

 

 

Just ignore him.

 

 

But be sure to vote for him.

 

 

Sorry, I already voted.

 

 

Well, there's no law that says you can't vote more than once.

 

 

Actually, there is.

 

 

I think you're mistaken.

 

 

No, it's definitely against the law to vote more than once.

 

 

Well, Barack Obama will put an end to that outdated law.

 

 

I'm sure he will - here's your coffee, that'll be $2.79.

 

 

Two dollars and seventy-nine cents?? Whatever happened to the five-cent cup of coffee?

 

 

Coffee hasn't been five cents a cup for like thirty years, now if you don't mind...

 

 

Well, when Barack...

 

 

I know, I know - when Barack Obama is president coffee will be five cents again! Look, just take the coffee, it's on the house.

 

 

Thanks. And remember, vote McCain/Palin!

 

 

Don't you mean Obama/Biden?

 

 

Whatever.

 

 

Hey boss?

 

 

Yeah?

 

 

I've got nine vacation days coming, can I take them now?

 

 

Sure, go ahead.

 

 

I think I'll just hibernate.

This Is An Archive Site

WuzzaBlog, ain't no more.

Fred Tompson Drops Out Of The Race By The Local Starbucks

Welcome to Starbucks, what can I get for you?

 

 

Yeah, I, um...uh...uh...

 

 

That is to say, I...uh...

 

 

...

 

 

Uh...uh...

 

 

Did you want to order something, sir?

 

 

What the hell does it look like I'm doing right now?

 

 

Sorry - go ahead.

 

 

You know, if John Wayne was here I'd have him kick your ass.

 

 

John who?

 

 

Oh, I get it - you're one of those Chuck Norris fans.

 

 

Chuck who?

 

 

Never mind. Now you broke my concentration, so I'm gonna have to start over.

 

 

So...uh...uh...I, um...

 

 

You do serve coffee here, don't you?

 

 

Yes. Yes, we do.

 

 

Good, good. I got me a hankerin' for some coffee right now. I'm a little...uh...err...

 

 

Tired?

 

 

Yeah, that's it - tired.

 

 

Do you know what kind of coffee you want?

 

 

Now that I do know.

 

 

Excellent.

 

 

I'll have the uh...uh...the, uh...

 

 

...

 

 

I mean, the uh...uh...the, uh...

 

 

Sir...

 

 

No, don't tell me - I don't need help.

 

 

I wasn't going to help you. I was going to tell you that you're going to have to get out of line if you don't order something now.

 

 

Well if that's how you're gonna act then just forget it. I'll just...uh...uh...

 

 

Leave?

 

 

Right - I'll leave. Bye.

 

 

Goodbye, sir.

 

 

...

 

 

Too bad. Something tells me he would have been my best customer evah.

 

UPDATE: Werd.

UPDATE II: He wanted tea?

 

Merry Christmas From Mac and PC

Hi, I'm a Mac.

 

 

And I'm a PC.

 

 

And I just want to wish everyone a merry Christmas.

 

 

So do I.

 

 

Wait a second - what do you mean, "So do I"?

 

 

What? It's Christmas.

 

 

I know, but don't you usually contradict me or insult me?

 

 

Actually, I usually just stand here and let people admire me for being so hip and cool and laid-back - you know, because I'm a Mac - and wait for you to say something that embarrasses PC users. Because, you know, they don't have Macs. But, in the spirit of Christmas, I think we should just wish everyone well.

 

 

That's what I call holiday spirit. Anyway, Merry Christmas from both of us.

 

 

And remember, everyone - Vista blows.

 

 

It certainly does.

 

 

Why didn't I just stay home?

 

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from the WuzzaDems!

Ever The Gentleman, Mike Huckabee Uses His Own Press Conference To Take The Heat Off Of Dana Perino

Of course I know who he is - he's the guy they made that motorcycle movie about.

 

 

Come on, I'm not stupid, people - I was the governor of Alabama for ten years.

 

 

Weren't you the governor of Arkansas?

 

 

Whatever.

 

Indeed.

Anderson Cooper: "My biggest concern personally was having the campaigns manipulate the process."

Um.....yeah, OK. Here's a video clip of an interview with Cooper after the CNN/YouTube Democrat debate back in July of this year:

Yeah, that's the problem - the campaigns manipulating the process.

Scenes From The CNN/YouTube Republican Debate (Part I)

Our next question is for Fred Thompson. It concerns homeland security, and was submitted by William from New York.

 

 

Good, because I have a lot to say about homeland security.

 

 

Senator Thompson, given the recent reports of threats made against the spouses of presidential candidates, don't you think it would be safer for your wife to stay at home when you're on the road?

 

 

What reports of threats? What the hell kind of question is that???

 

 

Just askin'.

UPDATE: They really should spruce up the stage with some plants.

 

Rep. Carla Blanchard Dartez (Dipshit-LA) Needs To Work On Her Valedictions

Don't let your meat loaf!

 

 

What the hell's that supposed to mean?

 

"Una panona bonka"

Hillary Clinton Sets The Record Straight On The Whole "Planted Question" Controversy

Yikes:

SIOUX CITY, Iowa — Democratic presidential frontrunner Hillary Clinton’s campaign admitted Friday that it planted a global warming question in Newton, Iowa, Tuesday during a town hall meeting to discuss clean energy.

Clinton campaign spokesman Mo Elliethee admitted that the campaign had planted the question and said it would not happen again.
...
“However, Senator Clinton did not know which questioners she was calling on during the event. This is not standard policy and will not be repeated again.”

Now, I'd be glad to answer any questions.

 

 

Senator, the health care crisis in this country...

 

 

Yeah, yeah, there's probably something on my web site about that. How about you, in the back, miss? Did you have a question about the allegation that someone on my staff planted a question at my last town hall meeting?

 

 

Oh, right, um, were you aware someone in the crowd had been instructed to ask a specific question, or was this done without your knowledge, possibly by an overzealous staff member, and will it happen again?

 

 

That's a very good question. Let me be very clear - this is something that was done without my knowledge, by an overzealous staff member, and I assure you it will not happen again.

 

 

Does that answer your question?

 

 

Yes. Yes, it does.

 

 

I wish she'd just hurry up and tank.

 

Thanks For The $36.00, Asswipes

Yes, that's a blogad for Lions for Lambs in the sidebar.

Here's the deal: John Hawkins from Right Wing News was running something called a "Hive Blogad" a few months back, which featured links to various posts from conservative blogs, but there were some technical difficulties, so it was "deferred", which means the order for the ad sits in my little Blogads inbox, waiting to be reactivated. Whenever I log on to Blogads, I see "Conservative Hive Livelink".

This morning I got an e-mail from Blogads telling me a new ad had been submitted, I logged in, and approved the new version of the Hive ad - I thought. When I looked at the blog, these three bozos were staring at me from the sidebar:

AAAAAH!

I logged onto Blogads again, and sure enough, I had mistakenly approved an ad named "Conservative/Lions for Lambs". Apparently Redford and his buddies are looking to convert a few lizard-brained right-wingers with their "powerful anti-war message." Way to budget those advertising dollars, jagoffs.

Well, at least the movie's getting good reviews:

Watching some NFL football on Sunday, I saw the new TV ad for Lions for Lambs. The ad had quotes from favorable “reviews”. If you look at the fine print two of the positive “reviews” were from posts on Daily Kos.

Anyway, thanks for the $36.00, dickheads. I'll use it to pay my TypePad bill. Then we can publish more posts like these.

UPDATE: WTF? They took the ad down. Something I said?

UPDATE II: Hey, do I get to keep the $36.00?

UPDATE III: Looks like I don't get to keep the $36.00